i have a 3 year old stepson, who we share joint custody with, we take him 7 days, she has him 7 days, his mom has been working a very crazy work scheduale since he was born( working late hours, holidays, weekends) now, finally, she has a normal 8-5 job, which is working out great !! But now that he is getting older and understanding that we share visitations it seems like he is abusing it, like when he wants something he cant have, if we tell him no he says he wants his mom,, when it's time for bed and he doesn't want to sleep, he crys for his mom, he only does this when he doesn't get his way, i don't know what he does when he is with her, meaning if he asks for his dad, but he does it with us, my husband is very hurt by this, because we have been his main caregivers since he was born and now my husband feels like he doesn;t want to be with us,, i know thats not true, he is only 3 and knows what he can get away with and knows that if he goes with his mom then she'll give it to him,, we just dont know how to break this habit before it gets worse !! Not only that but im 5 months pregnant,, im wondering if that will make it worse, like he will feel that we dont show enough attention and at his mom its just them 2,, can someone please help !!! we do stuff with him, i dont understand, he mostly does it when he wants candy instead of food.. i tell him that he has to eat first and he says no he wants his mom,, can anyone help !!!
Stepson crying for mother !!...
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I think you should have a sit down with all of you and the three year old and have a basic conversation in front of the little man. He is old enough to understand "naughty" and "good". He might need to see you all together to know you are working together.
It's normal for a little one at that age to push limitations. Just have patience. Set your rules, be consistant and have the same punishment (naught chair) and he'll eventually know what's expected of him at your house.
It's normal for a little one at that age to push limitations. Just have patience. Set your rules, be consistant and have the same punishment (naught chair) and he'll eventually know what's expected of him at your house.
I think your husband and his ex need to sit down and discuss team parenting.
Still...this is what happens when you have a broken home. Obviously there are going to be inconsistancies in parenting. What can really be done?
You can be consistent with parenting for your 7 days, but the reality is that kids are selfish and short sighted. They can be bought with toys and dessert...all you guys can do is not take it personal.
Good luck!
Still...this is what happens when you have a broken home. Obviously there are going to be inconsistancies in parenting. What can really be done?
You can be consistent with parenting for your 7 days, but the reality is that kids are selfish and short sighted. They can be bought with toys and dessert...all you guys can do is not take it personal.
Good luck!
yes i agree, i made that suggestion to my husband, maybe if he sees that his mom agrees with us then he'll start to understand that rules apply no matter where he goes, maybe not the same exact rules but most of them. That's how we correct him now, if his dad says no and he asks me, i agree with dad, and tell him, no me and your dad says no,, we try and teach him that he can't ask one parent who says no and then ask the other one and expect for them to say yes, and it's not fair to either parent to allow that to happen because it will teach him " If dads says no mom will say yes" or vice versa,,
I am stunned that joint custody was ordered for a child that young! A child at that age needs consistency more than anything. My 3 year old goes off on alternate weekends with his dad, and that is stressful enough for him. It takes a good 2 or 3 days to get him back on track. This poor kid can't get back on track, because he's so back and forth.
She might not admit it, but if he's crying for her there, I bet that little one cries for his for his dad sometimes when he's at his mom's.
Wish I had that problem. The other day was the first time my son's ever expressed any regret about his dad's absence - and he only spent 1 month living with him total
She might not admit it, but if he's crying for her there, I bet that little one cries for his for his dad sometimes when he's at his mom's.
Wish I had that problem. The other day was the first time my son's ever expressed any regret about his dad's absence - and he only spent 1 month living with him total
Yes i agree,, its a very confusing situation, they were only boyfriend/girlfriend when she got pregnant and had no family support so she knew she could not do it alone, after many battles after he was born, my husband hired a lawyer to fight for his parental rights, and she couldnt afford one, so they came to the agree meet,, joint custody, everything would be spilt, taxes, living situation, insurance,, who ever's custody he was in at the time was responsible for it, such as doctor visits, then she started to work these crazy hours and my mothe in law babysits for her and we would take him after work,, well she would drop him off to my mother n law at 7:00 am and pick him up at 1:00 am,, she was working a hour away,, so she was really working 8:00-10 but after closing and everything wasnt gettin off til 12 and a hour drive home,, this would go on 6 out of 7 days,, so he was never seeing his mother, then the selfish (*****)bleep.. decided to take us to court for more money and for us to pay all medical bills,, so here she is seeing her child 1 day out a week and from 1:00am -7:00am,, which he was sleeping,, thats when we decided to get a lawyer and see what ours rights were,, when we went to court, the judge decided that even though she was neglecting the child, he didnt feel it was the best interest to fully take him from her, but did agree that we were more stable, he ordered her to get a better job, get a car, and straighten her life up, but he left the visitations the same until we go back for a review, so as of Nov 2007 by husband was granted Custodial Parent with her having visitaion,, like the saying goes " God don't like greed" you should appreciate what you have, not what you want.. but the judge feels that because of his age he nees to have both parents, but in 2 years when he starts school they will probably place him with us full time,,budnkota said:
I have a 13 yr old and have been divorced from her father since she was 4 and we still have to deal with these issues so I really wish I could tell you that there was hope in the future but I have not had any!FooserX said:I think your husband and his ex need to sit down and discuss team parenting.
Still...this is what happens when you have a broken home. Obviously there are going to be inconsistancies in parenting. What can really be done?
You can be consistent with parenting for your 7 days, but the reality is that kids are selfish and short sighted. They can be bought with toys and dessert...all you guys can do is not take it personal.
Good luck!
However I also think that at his age this is a sort of normal thing as my younger children have gone through this stage as well, I would try not to let it upset you or his dad (or at least in front of him) and just talk to him about his feelings when he does and tell him that these are the rules in your home.
Sorry I can't be of more help, Good Luck!
My four year old step-daugther uses the daddy card at night when she doesn't want to go to bed. After reading 'Love and Logic' we figured out that we just have to call her on it.
Her dad has been gone for two years. He calls every Sunday and they speak for a couple of minutes, and he has come for two visits both for one week, which really screws with her head.
We know that she does miss her daddy like any normal kid would, but we also know when she is using it as a way to get what she wants.
"I miss my daddy."
"I'm sorry you miss your daddy but right now you need to go to bed. Are you saying that you miss your daddy right now because your sad about going to bed?"
"Yes."
It blew our mind the first time she said yes, and the times that she says know we spend some time with her to explain the situation.
Kids will always try to play their parents against each other even when they aren't seperated. Who here hasn't had their kid ask one parent a question, not get the answer they want, and then go to the other parent in the hopes of getting what they want?
Communicate with the X, if it is possible, and see what her feelings are on the matter. If it is a healthy co-parenting relationship then you should be able to at least shed some light on the subject. If is in fact a healthy co-parenting relationship then you need to consider yourself VERY lucky. It seems as if they are very, very rare.
Her dad has been gone for two years. He calls every Sunday and they speak for a couple of minutes, and he has come for two visits both for one week, which really screws with her head.
We know that she does miss her daddy like any normal kid would, but we also know when she is using it as a way to get what she wants.
"I miss my daddy."
"I'm sorry you miss your daddy but right now you need to go to bed. Are you saying that you miss your daddy right now because your sad about going to bed?"
"Yes."
It blew our mind the first time she said yes, and the times that she says know we spend some time with her to explain the situation.
Kids will always try to play their parents against each other even when they aren't seperated. Who here hasn't had their kid ask one parent a question, not get the answer they want, and then go to the other parent in the hopes of getting what they want?
Communicate with the X, if it is possible, and see what her feelings are on the matter. If it is a healthy co-parenting relationship then you should be able to at least shed some light on the subject. If is in fact a healthy co-parenting relationship then you need to consider yourself VERY lucky. It seems as if they are very, very rare.