Our 20 year old son is bright but let say it....he is lazy. After enough pressure we managed to have him move out and go to college. We are paying for college tuition, rent etc. All we have asked him to do was to get a part time job to pay for food, utilities etc. No job = no money. Taking a very light load in college and he seems to have a phobia of being around people. His classes he has selected have been all online, non in person. We have pushed him to apply for jobs but he refuses to accept offers or answer their calls. His girlfriend contacted us and is very concerned about him. We discovered he was/is having suicidal thoughts but has never acted upon those thoughts. Recently, through my EAP program he went to a counselor for 1 session. Has schedule another session for next month. Through his girlfriend again, we discovered that he was told by the therapist he should speak with his doctor to prescribe medication for his situation......whatever it is. Our son will not talk to us about anything personal....he is very angry and defensive about many things. We are in a tough spot. How should we proceed. There are many issues here but we are somewhat afraid to push too hard because of his delicate mental situation. Our old school thought would typically be to stop giving him money and feel a bit of pain of having no money but we do not want to place the burden of his bills upon his roommate. We really want to get him to open up with us so we can help.
Struggling With 20 Year Old Son.....
- Thread starter swiederin
- Start date
Usually I'd agree that you should cut him off so he has to learn to take the reigns, but you pressured him to go to school, so I think you should keep paying for it as long as he's there. It's one thing if he chose to go on his own, or if he was mooching off you at home, but you forced his hand.
Have you asked if he wants to drop out, in which case you would stop funding, and make a deal that if he moves back he can pay x in rent? Of course, that would mean he needs some sort of income, but if he's passionate about something he might be able to earn money in a non- traditional way (ex: becoming a streamer or make videos for youtube, or if he likes to work outside and do yardwork, whatever) As long as he's making rent and earning money legally, does it really matter what he does?
Also, he might be taking classes online due to covid restrictions. That could also be why he isn't very interested in traditional jobs if that's what he's been looking at. There's a lot of opportunities still to work remotely but he will want to be on the lookout for pyramid schemes. Basically, if he needs to pay to start a job, it's probably good to avoid that kind of work.
Have you asked if he wants to drop out, in which case you would stop funding, and make a deal that if he moves back he can pay x in rent? Of course, that would mean he needs some sort of income, but if he's passionate about something he might be able to earn money in a non- traditional way (ex: becoming a streamer or make videos for youtube, or if he likes to work outside and do yardwork, whatever) As long as he's making rent and earning money legally, does it really matter what he does?
Also, he might be taking classes online due to covid restrictions. That could also be why he isn't very interested in traditional jobs if that's what he's been looking at. There's a lot of opportunities still to work remotely but he will want to be on the lookout for pyramid schemes. Basically, if he needs to pay to start a job, it's probably good to avoid that kind of work.