Talking about sex with your daughter...

[moninja]

My daughter turned 8 in April and this time she wanted to know how a woman gets pregnant. I have a book that a friend of mine gave me, it's called Growing Up - It's a Girl Thing by Mavis Jukes and it says it's perfect for girls 8 and up. I sat with her and we went thru it. She now knows the role of the man and woman and she was upset with me because she said I'm disgusting for doing "that" with her father. This was last week. She's been with her father this weekend so we haven't been able to talk about it again but I feel really guilty, like I robbed her of her innocence and now she won't see the world nor people the same way. Of course I rather her find out from me first before being misinformed but I'm thinking I might have done this a bit too early. I don't even want to tell her father that we talked about it, nor my mom, b/c they're going to think I'm crazy! Help!!!!

 

[musicmom]

Ok I don't know what you said but it doesn't seem as if you explained it properly. I don't want details but a child only needs to know that a man and a womans bodies fit together.

 

[HappyMomma]

The way I explained it my 4 year old... A man and a woman who love each other hug and kiss and then do some other stuff that you will learn about when you get older.

(That was the best I could come up with on the short notice she gave me.) :wacko:

 

[Mindy]

Kids can sometimes be really freaked out, and I remember being disgusted that people would do that when I learned how it was done too.

I think it's important that even though we want to be honest with kids, that we keep it age appropriate. At 8 she is old enough to know how babies are made, but IMO she doesn't need to know the "motions"

I think it's suffice to say that girls have eggs and boys have sperm and when they mix together, there is a baby. When they are a little older, you can get more into detail, but I can see why she's upset, it's hard to understand.

Good luck, I think you are doing great, just maybe a little too much info, before it's necessary., maybe that's why she was disgusted.

I do clearly remember though, feeling the same way when I found out that's how babies are made! I wondered to myself why on earth anyone would EVER want to do that.

 

[Kaytee]

What do you tell a very young child who asks where babies come from?

Depending on the child's age, you can say that the baby grows from an egg in the mommy's womb, pointing to your stomach, and comes out of a special place, called the vagina. There is no need to explain the act of lovemaking because very young kids will not understand the concept.

However, you can say that when a man and a woman love each other, they like to be close to one another. Tell them that the man's sperm joins the woman's egg and then the baby begins to grow. Most kids under the age of 6 will accept this answer. Age-appropriate books on the subject are also helpful. Answer the question in a straightforward manner, and you will probably find that your child is satisfied with a little information at a time.

Questions and Answers About Sex
I think this is a good answer

 

[HappyMomma]

Good link, Kaytee.

I especially agree with this:

<I>When should parents sit kids down for that all-important "birds and bees" talk?</I>
<I>Actually, never! Learning about sex should not occur in one all-or-nothing session. It should be more of an unfolding process, one in which kids learn, over time, what they need to know. Questions should be answered as they arise so that kids' natural curiosity is satisfied as they mature.</I>

 

[Trina]

<I>When should parents sit kids down for that all-important "birds and bees" talk?</I>
<I>Actually, never! Learning about sex should not occur in one all-or-nothing session. It should be more of an unfolding process, one in which kids learn, over time, what they need to know. Questions should be answered as they arise so that kids' natural curiosity is satisfied as they mature.</I>

Great link, Kaytee! This is exactly how we have been handling things. Just a few weeks ago my DD came home from school and stated out of the blue, "You have to have sex to make babies." DS replied, "No, you don't." I piped up, "Well, actually, yes you do." DD and DS: "Ewwww, that's nasty!" I chuckled and said, "Well, when you're old enough and mature enough to have babies, you won't think so." Then I could see the cogs turning... DS said, "That means you and Dad... Ewww!" Me:"Yes, but Dad and I love each other very much. Making babies is special with someone you love and not nasty at all." That seemed to be enough info for the time being. I'm sure more questions will be coming soon.

 

[Kaytee]

lol Trina. I still think its creepy that my dad has sex! lol

 

[fallon]

lol Trina. I still think its creepy that my dad has sex! lol

me too

 

[Dadu2004]

My parents didn't have sex. I was either created in a lab or spontaneously combusted. Or, my mom is the second coming of the Virgin Mary.

 

[Nikita]

I have an easy time imagining my parents didn't have sex. I was adopted!

 

[Kaytee]

lol

 

[Trina]

The thought of my parents having sex never bothered me. Maybe in the very beginning when I first figured it all out, but that was short lived. My parents were always openly affectionate (hugs, kisses, cuddling) and taught us that sex is a special thing for adults who are in love.

 

[FooserX]

Wouldn't the topic of sex be something you'd want to talk with the other parent about first, so you both agree on how to approach the situation?

 

[Teresa]

Good link, Kaytee.

I especially agree with this:

<I>When should parents sit kids down for that all-important "birds and bees" talk?</I>
<I>Actually, never! Learning about sex should not occur in one all-or-nothing session. It should be more of an unfolding process, one in which kids learn, over time, what they need to know. Questions should be answered as they arise so that kids' natural curiosity is satisfied as they mature.</I>

I agree with this too. Most of my relatives thought I was NUTS for talking to my children about it from the time they were 3 or 4 years old, in age appropriate time, and built on it from there.....but it worked for us!!!

Wouldn't the topic of sex be something you'd want to talk with the other parent about first, so you both agree on how to approach the situation?

Good point....but it also depends on just HOW involved the other parent actually is in the day to day life of the child.

 

[Trina]

Good point....but it also depends on just HOW involved the other parent actually is in the day to day life of the child.

I agree. My DH is a very good and active father, but when it comes to genital and sex talk with the kids he clams right up and doesn't know what to say. LOL! These topics were very taboo in his family when he was growing up. I find it interesting that he has no inhibitions in the bedroom with me, but when it comes to talking about this stuff with the kids he gets all embarrassed. For this reason, although we provide a united front, I do most of the talking when it comes to these topics.

 

[Claire64]

I think that at 8, she doesn't need all the details. I recently had a talk with my 9 year old and told him that the woman has the egg, the man has the sperm and when they get married and want a baby, the man gives his sperm to the woman.

That's enough for him for now, I don't think we told the older boys the "whole story" until they were about 11.

 

[musicmom]

I think that at 8, she doesn't need all the details. I recently had a talk with my 9 year old and told him that the woman has the egg, the man has the sperm and when they get married and want a baby, the man gives his sperm to the woman.

That's enough for him for now, I don't think we told the older boys the "whole story" until they were about 11.

LMAO my child would have said "gives it to her in what?" and waited for the answer. I just explain things medically to them. They seem to be fine with that.

 

[Claire64]

LOL Musicmom, my older boys were curious like that too, but Landon didn't really seem very interested. He only really asked me why there had to be a mom and a dad, so I left it at that.