Teenage Daughter thinks she is Bisexual...

[wldcard]

<t>My 13 year old Daughter informed us this week that she “thinks she is Bisexual”. Both parents are very supportive of LGBT. I have two gay nephews, and one is a drag queen, so LGBT is openly discussed in our family. My concern is the timing of her announcement. <br/>
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She has five very close friends, all female. One just confided in my Daughter and one of her other friends, that she is a Lesbian. So in turn my Daughter came out to her and one of that same close friend. This other close friend also came out as a Bisexual. I find it usual that three close friends all decided to come out at the same time without any pre discussion. <br/>
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Also when my DD came out, my wife asked her how long she has known, and DD’s response was “ I have been thinking about it for about a month”. I would have assumed that she would have thought about it or struggled with it for a little bit of time before coming out. I am very proud that she did confide in us and both of us have had discussions with her separately and explained how , we will always love her and this announcement does not change her in any way in our eyes. We are only concerned with her being safe and loved. I explained the Human Sexuality Pendulum Theory- Just like Skin color and othere human attributes sexual preference is like a pendulum scale and every one falls on the scale at a different place, fully straight, fully homosexual, Bisexual, and everything in between and it was all natural and normal. <br/>
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Now she wanted to make a family announcement. Which I find strange also. In less than a week, she came out to two friends, mother and father and now wanted to announce to the (very large ) extended family. <br/>
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Any advice? I hate to ask but could this just be a phase? I read (on the internet) that a lot of teenage girls are associating themselves as Bisexual early on, possibly because they are either curious or are still finding and defining themselves. I read that teenage girls often develop Girl crushes because of the emotional aspect of the relationship ( my daughter is very shy and emotional) and because teenage boys are jerks.</t>

 

[artmom]

This is seemingly quite common now. Teens and preteens are learning about LBTG in school and I think it could having an effect on how kids are thinking about their sexuality and where they fit in. It's good that people are more accepting of it.
My daughter came out to me that she was bi. But she said she's been feeling like that for years. She, too, wanted to come out to the family but I told her it would be better to wait until the time was more relevant, like when she is in a serious, long term relationship with the same sex and she is old enough to understand her sexuality more and would be able to handle rejection from the family. Because I know, for sure, my own mom is highly against LBTG and her dad's parents are devotedly religious and their reaction is a toss up, I really don't know how they would react.
But I think the big reason is that 13 is too young to fully understand your sexuality. A lot can change within the teen years. My daughter has been thinking, rethinking what her sexuality is. Right now she is completely turned off of boys due to their immaturity and vulgarity, so she's suspecting she may be a full out lesbian. After a few relationships, she is not to be dating until she finishes school. I told her not to think of the label of her sexuality right now and just be. Concentrate on school and think of relationships later, there is plenty of time to figure yourself out.

 

[akmom]

I suspect it's a fad. Everyone is putting rainbow hues on their social media profiles in support of gay rights, so it's the cool thing on everyone's minds right now, and these kids are jumping on the bandwagon to identify with the latest and most unique sexual identities of the day. At age 13, who obsesses about sexuality? Can't they just be kids? Have they even hit puberty?

The interest in "making an announcement" suggests that it's about attention. Positive attention that they suspect they will get because LBGTs are getting all this positive attention right now. It's probably as simple as that, though they may be too young to articulate it.

 

[TabascoNatalie]

Agree with akmom. I'd say stop being silly and we'll leave the subject until at least 16. I may sound like a homophobe, but i don't think bombing kids so young with "its ok to be gay" message is a good thing.
Imagine if your daughter said she fancies older guys. You certainly wouldn't think its fine.

 

[CraigK]

As strange as this might be to say, pop culture has almost glamorized gay culture. There are many trendy artists and models who have come out as gay or bi sexual in the past couple of years-- everyone from Miley Cyrus to Cara Delevigne to Demi Lovato. Perhaps your daughter sees her friends and these pop icons as role models and she wants to fit in. If she is bi sexual, let her have free reign to explore her sexuality. Many girls go through a questioning phase at some point in their lives!

 

[sheriberry]

I think since Bisexuality is a lot more prevalent she may consider herself bisexual based on little things such as thinking girls are pretty, being emotionally attached, etc. I would just continue to support her and ensure as much as possible that your family supports her as well. It may be a phase but it may be not be. Only time will tell but as long as you support her and she knows she's loved no harm will come of it. My nephew came out as gay, then he had a girlfriend so things tend to change when they're still growing up

 

[marrykerry77]

It seems to me that she's just curious about the way bisexuality works. I also thought I felt like a lesbian or a bisexual. In three or four years I understood that I simply liked the beauty of a woman's body - I still pay attention to gorgeous ladies in the street, but I don't have any intention to have sex with them. It's just that they look somehow pleasant to me. I am happily married. I spent my first night having sex with a beloved man and I understood that I’m totally straight. No matter who your daughter loves – let her love and express emotions. She’ll make the right choice.

 

[artmom]

<r><QUOTE author="marrykerry77;147952"><s>

</s>It seems to me that she's just curious about the way bisexuality works. I also thought I felt like a lesbian or a bisexual. In three or four years I understood that I simply liked the beauty of a woman's body - I still pay attention to gorgeous ladies in the street, but I don't have any intention to have sex with them. It's just that they look somehow pleasant to me. I am happily married. I spent my first night having sex with a beloved man and I understood that I’m totally straight. No matter who your daughter loves – let her love and express emotions. She’ll make the right choice.<e>

</e></QUOTE>

That's very interesting. <br/>
I had some curiosity but I've always been drawn to the female figure. I think it's because I, of course, can relate to it more than the boxy male figure. I enjoyed art, still do, and I draw females mostly over males. I would, also, be into fashion and I would have pictures all over my room just for the fashion. But I was asked by a friend who was over if I was a lesbian because of females pinned up all over my room. It's not like it was risqué stuff. Just normal, regular clothes that I thought were so cool. During that time, I got enrolled in modelling school with an agency. I always end up glancing at particular faces and sometimes I get caught staring. That's just the artist in me. <br/>
But I'm completely straight. I had some curiosity early on, but I think it was just frustration of not being able to be satisfied by the company boys because none of them were interested in me. <br/>
I think it's important to note, and I'm just realizing this now, that feelings of belonging and being loved by someone, other than family, in a romantic way is very strong in highly hormonal young teenagers. It could get to the point that they may very well resort to experimenting with close friends.</r>

 

[babybibsplus]

It could be a fad, or not, but you are doing the right thing by being supportive. I would try to get her to put off telling the family for a while, at least until she has had time to think about what she is doing and exploring this further. She needs to know that this is what she wants for sure and at her age they change their minds constantly.

 

[marrykerry77]

<t>The only good thing to do is to support her no matter what. If she had never felt like a guy before it may be just an emotional period of a teenage life – when she grows up she’ll appreciate your support even if it’s her own childhood mistake. If she really is a lesbian, you won’t have anything to do but accept it. <br/>
The only thing you need to tell her now is that not everybody accepts her choice – ask her not to show up too much or she’ll be misunderstood by the society – people around her got used to her being straight. But make sure she trusts you and everything will be ok.</t>

 

[Vdad]

You handled this one very well, +1.

No one can say if this is real or just a "Phase". And although there's far more openness about LGBTQ issues today (literally, today, it's all over the media!), that doesn't take away from the simple reality that young people are addressing their sexuality accurately.

The safest thing to do here is bite your lip and do nothing, let it flow. There's more of a risk if you however well intentionally try to question this epiphany, it reaches into basic acceptance and acknowledgement of who she is (or who she for now believes she is), core, fundamental stuff. You don't want to go there, especially since there is zero scientific data to support that "Discussions" of any kind can "Reverse" or "Clarify" this, whatever it is.

What you can (and maybe should) do, is reinforce how much you love her for who she is, and if there's ever anything she wants to talk about you're open and available.

And leave it at that.