Things I'd like to hear from my husband...
- Thread starter Lissa
- Start date
The only thing I would like to hear from my "husband" is "I'm sorry, I did cheat and it was stupid. I never should have ruined what we had together."
He still won't admit it, he says it wasn't cheating.
Oh well...
He still won't admit it, he says it wasn't cheating.
Oh well...
not to get all Oprah on you... but have you tried thanking him for his stuff?
I know that when I feel unappreciated it helps me to thank my wife for stuff. For instance, instead of saying grace at the start of a meal ( >atheist still< ) I might thank my wife for cooking it.
Use "I" statements: ie, instead of "You never appreciate me - all you do is sit around reading those stupid comic books on a Saturday morning while I clean up around you!" you could say "Honey, there's a lot of stuff that needs doing today - I could really use some help. I feel like you don't value my efforts when you read while I work. Can you please help me?"
I know that when I feel unappreciated it helps me to thank my wife for stuff. For instance, instead of saying grace at the start of a meal ( >atheist still< ) I might thank my wife for cooking it.
Use "I" statements: ie, instead of "You never appreciate me - all you do is sit around reading those stupid comic books on a Saturday morning while I clean up around you!" you could say "Honey, there's a lot of stuff that needs doing today - I could really use some help. I feel like you don't value my efforts when you read while I work. Can you please help me?"
Here's what you do. Get a journal (even if it's a spare) and write that concern down, accidentally leave it open somewhere but make it look like you did not intentionally do it and he will read it. Men do not like to hurt woman and they sometimes think we do not dwell in it. They are very matter of fact. If he said it's not cheating then that's it and it's over. But if he were to see that it really weighs heavy on your mind but you are not hounding him then he may mention it especially if you are lying in bed and he could get lucky, they tend to open up and are more vulnerable there for some reason..:Kalli Rae:. said:The only thing I would like to hear from my "husband" is "I'm sorry, I did cheat and it was stupid. I never should have ruined what we had together."
He still won't admit it, he says it wasn't cheating.
Oh well...
For a man to admit that or even apologize it is a huge deal to him and when you bring it up it makes him feel as if you are attacking.
I went through this with my fiance and he was very disapointed in himself but would not, could not admit it to me (until their child was born) and then he HAD to admit it. lol I didn't want just an I'm sorry, I wanted it from the heart and for him to make me feel as if I was entitled to my feelings and I wanted to be asked for my forgivness. I finally had him to it but it was five years after the fact that he truely whole heartidly said it the way I needed.
Sorry you had to endure that.
We actually don't live together anymore, I asked him to leave the day I found out. But I did talk to him last night for hours and although its over and we will never be together again, it was nice to talk. He admitted what he did was cheating and he apologized for it. It was really good closure.musicmom said:Here's what you do. Get a journal (even if it's a spare) and write that concern down, accidentally leave it open somewhere but make it look like you did not intentionally do it and he will read it. Men do not like to hurt woman and they sometimes think we do not dwell in it. They are very matter of fact. If he said it's not cheating then that's it and it's over. But if he were to see that it really weighs heavy on your mind but you are not hounding him then he may mention it especially if you are lying in bed and he could get lucky, they tend to open up and are more vulnerable there for some reason.
For a man to admit that or even apologize it is a huge deal to him and when you bring it up it makes him feel as if you are attacking.
I went through this with my fiance and he was very disapointed in himself but would not, could not admit it to me (until their child was born) and then he HAD to admit it. lol I didn't want just an I'm sorry, I wanted it from the heart and for him to make me feel as if I was entitled to my feelings and I wanted to be asked for my forgivness. I finally had him to it but it was five years after the fact that he truely whole heartidly said it the way I needed.
Sorry you had to endure that.
(He was caught cyber-ing with a couple different women and it was the straw that broke the camel's back, long story)
Thank you for advice though, I would use that if we were living together.
that's what my husband recently whote to me and this is pretty much what I want/ed to hear:
Yulia</SIZE>[/FONT]
I cannot give you the spring of honeymoon</SIZE>[/FONT]
the excitement in meeting the new.</SIZE>[/FONT]
the ease that comes with having no mutual worry or burden</SIZE>[/FONT]
the lightness of having no children</SIZE>[/FONT]
I stand at the end of one thousand arguments</SIZE>[/FONT]
burdens and responsibilities</SIZE>[/FONT]
Giving life to together to our children and family.</SIZE>[/FONT]
I have seen your best but also your worst,</SIZE>[/FONT]
and so I have earned the right to declare:</SIZE>[/FONT]
I want to give you fifteen thousand summer days.</SIZE>[/FONT]
dances that will make you wet</SIZE>[/FONT]
love that is true</SIZE>[/FONT]
acceptance that is unconditional</SIZE>[/FONT]
protection that is absolute.</SIZE>[/FONT]
quite simply </SIZE>[/FONT]
I want to be your life partner.</SIZE>[/FONT]
I do.</SIZE>[/FONT]
Daniel.</SIZE>[/FONT]
Yulia</SIZE>[/FONT]
I cannot give you the spring of honeymoon</SIZE>[/FONT]
the excitement in meeting the new.</SIZE>[/FONT]
the ease that comes with having no mutual worry or burden</SIZE>[/FONT]
the lightness of having no children</SIZE>[/FONT]
I stand at the end of one thousand arguments</SIZE>[/FONT]
burdens and responsibilities</SIZE>[/FONT]
Giving life to together to our children and family.</SIZE>[/FONT]
I have seen your best but also your worst,</SIZE>[/FONT]
and so I have earned the right to declare:</SIZE>[/FONT]
I want to give you fifteen thousand summer days.</SIZE>[/FONT]
dances that will make you wet</SIZE>[/FONT]
love that is true</SIZE>[/FONT]
acceptance that is unconditional</SIZE>[/FONT]
protection that is absolute.</SIZE>[/FONT]
quite simply </SIZE>[/FONT]
I want to be your life partner.</SIZE>[/FONT]
I do.</SIZE>[/FONT]
Daniel.</SIZE>[/FONT]
Things I would like to hear from my husband:
I am sorry for attacking you with my own issues when you are trying to rationally discuss and solve issues with me.
I want to find a way to make our sex drives more compatible.
I appreciate the home cooked meals and home baked bread three times a day.
I will stop accusing your parents of turning you into a raving lunatic.
I will stop calling you a basket case because you have mental issues you can't afford to have addressed.
I cannot expect anything from you that you are unable to provide.
Getting a job will not solve all your problems, it will only create new ones.
Wow. There are more there than I thought there would be...
I am sorry for attacking you with my own issues when you are trying to rationally discuss and solve issues with me.
I want to find a way to make our sex drives more compatible.
I appreciate the home cooked meals and home baked bread three times a day.
I will stop accusing your parents of turning you into a raving lunatic.
I will stop calling you a basket case because you have mental issues you can't afford to have addressed.
I cannot expect anything from you that you are unable to provide.
Getting a job will not solve all your problems, it will only create new ones.
Wow. There are more there than I thought there would be...
:veryconfused:yulia said:that's what my husband recently whote to me and this is pretty much what I want/ed to hear:
Yulia</SIZE>[/FONT]
I cannot give you the spring of honeymoon</SIZE>[/FONT]
the excitement in meeting the new.</SIZE>[/FONT]
the ease that comes with having no mutual worry or burden</SIZE>[/FONT]
(I don't understand any of the upper part of this)[/B][/COLOR]</SIZE>[/FONT]
I stand at the end of one thousand arguments</SIZE>[/FONT]
burdens and responsibilities</SIZE>[/FONT]
Giving life to together to our children and family.</SIZE>[/FONT]
I have seen your best but also your worst,</SIZE>[/FONT]
and so I have earned the right to declare:</SIZE>[/FONT]
I want to give you fifteen thousand summer days.</SIZE>[/FONT]
"I want to give you fifteen thousand summer days."</SIZE>[/FONT]
</SIZE>[/FONT]
Brilliant!</SIZE>[/FONT]
</SIZE>[/FONT]
Brilliant!</SIZE>[/FONT]