Two of my children are young teens, 13 and 14 years old. My husband and I have been married for 15 years, we are the biological parents of all three of our daughters. For the most part, I think we have been "good" parents. Sure, we have made mistakes here and there, but who hasn't?
I'm a stay-at-home mom and I've dedicated my whole life to my kids. There is always someone home and ready to listen to them. My husband is a hard worker and a wonderful father who is there for his girls as well. With that being said, we may have spoiled them too much when they were younger. Not so much materialistic wise, but we had a tendency to believe their side of stories and let mistakes slide after a few shed tears.
My oldest daughter has always been very manipulative, since she was a small child, even in Kindergarten. No one wants to believe that their kid is like that though and I think it took until the last few years to see that.
Everywhere she goes, she starts trouble. We had to change Kindergartens because the kids bullied her. In Elementary school, we had to change classes because the kids bullied her once again. Now in middle school (last year), she is on her THIRD middle school now because we had to get her out of the other two or she would have been beaten every day by the other children. She still maintains that SHE is the victim of horrible bullying though.
She has stolen money from my husband and I, her aunt, her grandmother, and kids at school. One incident involved the police, but she managed to outwit even them and she wasn't arrested. We just found out a few months ago that it was her who was behind all of the stealing.
We searched her room and found the manual to our safe, which she was planning to crack and steal our savings from. We also found belongings which she had stolen from fellow classmates.
She argues and fights with everyone. She is a genius when it comes to manipulating people, she can turn everyone against everyone else. She has made people in our family turn on each other, including grandparents, parents, aunts, uncles, siblings, etc.
We brought her to a psychologist and she walked out of there after one session where he insisted that she was perfectly normal. Yes, she even managed to manipulate him.
She never has a boyfriend for longer than 2 weeks before she dumps him and when she has one, then you can bet she is stringing along 3 other innocent boys as well.
Her previous best friend was a skin picker, then she started it. She picked her arms up, until they were a mine field. As soon as she wasn't friends with her anymore, the picking stopped. Her next best friend is a cutter, and now she is slicing up her arms nonstop.
For my health and to set my children an example, I recently quit smoking. The other day, I walk in the house and there is my 14 year old daughter smoking out the window!
All of this behavior is now leaking down to the 13 year old and they team up against us as parents! We tell them to stop doing this and that and they both laugh at us. We try to enforce rules or punish them by taking away certain privileges and they threaten us that they will call the police or child services on us, even though we have done nothing wrong except to try to make them better people. Thank you school for doing those seminars that tell children that they have rights too and that they are allowed to call hotlines when they feel they are being treated unfairly!
They keep locking their bedroom doors on us, even though we always knock before entering. Well we took away their door keys, and then they went and stole our wardrobe closet keys and we couldn't get to our clothes anymore. They blackmail us and treat us like garbage.
They openly tell us to shut up, call us idiots, and other swear words which I can't mention. If I tell them they can't go somewhere, they say right...and walk out the door. I can't stop them or they will scream that I'm physically abusing them!
They do nothing at all around the house and still expect chore money. If we give them nothing, then they whine and cry to family and friends that they never get pocket money. They cry when we don't give them lunch money, even though there is plenty of food at home to make lunch for school, but they are too lazy to make up a lunchbox!
Nothing we do as parents is ever good enough for them. We don't bring them enough places, or buy them enough clothes, or make the right food at home, etc. Trust me when I say that my husband and I give them plenty!
They are also both failing school, despite us spending thousands on private tutoring lessons. They still ended the year with F's!
We are at the end of our rope with both of them. I feel as if they are both abusing us! Every single day we have to put up with them verbally abusing us, threatening us, stealing from us, etc. My husband and I have tried everything. We have talked to them both, until we are blue in the face, and nothing changes.
The oldest one will be going to a part school/counseling program for troubled children this summer, but I don't know if that is going to be enough.
Honestly, even if my husband and I may have been soft on them when they were younger, I don't understand where this behavior has come from. They are acting like nightmares, even though nothing traumatizing has ever happened to either of them. I don't feel like we deserve this and I don't know what we should do.
What do you do when your children simply say NO when you try to reinforce rules? Or when they try to blackmail you with threats to call children services or commit suicide? Is there anything that can be done?
Thanks so much for listening and hopefully offering advice!
I'm a stay-at-home mom and I've dedicated my whole life to my kids. There is always someone home and ready to listen to them. My husband is a hard worker and a wonderful father who is there for his girls as well. With that being said, we may have spoiled them too much when they were younger. Not so much materialistic wise, but we had a tendency to believe their side of stories and let mistakes slide after a few shed tears.
My oldest daughter has always been very manipulative, since she was a small child, even in Kindergarten. No one wants to believe that their kid is like that though and I think it took until the last few years to see that.
Everywhere she goes, she starts trouble. We had to change Kindergartens because the kids bullied her. In Elementary school, we had to change classes because the kids bullied her once again. Now in middle school (last year), she is on her THIRD middle school now because we had to get her out of the other two or she would have been beaten every day by the other children. She still maintains that SHE is the victim of horrible bullying though.
She has stolen money from my husband and I, her aunt, her grandmother, and kids at school. One incident involved the police, but she managed to outwit even them and she wasn't arrested. We just found out a few months ago that it was her who was behind all of the stealing.
We searched her room and found the manual to our safe, which she was planning to crack and steal our savings from. We also found belongings which she had stolen from fellow classmates.
She argues and fights with everyone. She is a genius when it comes to manipulating people, she can turn everyone against everyone else. She has made people in our family turn on each other, including grandparents, parents, aunts, uncles, siblings, etc.
We brought her to a psychologist and she walked out of there after one session where he insisted that she was perfectly normal. Yes, she even managed to manipulate him.
She never has a boyfriend for longer than 2 weeks before she dumps him and when she has one, then you can bet she is stringing along 3 other innocent boys as well.
Her previous best friend was a skin picker, then she started it. She picked her arms up, until they were a mine field. As soon as she wasn't friends with her anymore, the picking stopped. Her next best friend is a cutter, and now she is slicing up her arms nonstop.
For my health and to set my children an example, I recently quit smoking. The other day, I walk in the house and there is my 14 year old daughter smoking out the window!
All of this behavior is now leaking down to the 13 year old and they team up against us as parents! We tell them to stop doing this and that and they both laugh at us. We try to enforce rules or punish them by taking away certain privileges and they threaten us that they will call the police or child services on us, even though we have done nothing wrong except to try to make them better people. Thank you school for doing those seminars that tell children that they have rights too and that they are allowed to call hotlines when they feel they are being treated unfairly!
They keep locking their bedroom doors on us, even though we always knock before entering. Well we took away their door keys, and then they went and stole our wardrobe closet keys and we couldn't get to our clothes anymore. They blackmail us and treat us like garbage.
They openly tell us to shut up, call us idiots, and other swear words which I can't mention. If I tell them they can't go somewhere, they say right...and walk out the door. I can't stop them or they will scream that I'm physically abusing them!
They do nothing at all around the house and still expect chore money. If we give them nothing, then they whine and cry to family and friends that they never get pocket money. They cry when we don't give them lunch money, even though there is plenty of food at home to make lunch for school, but they are too lazy to make up a lunchbox!
Nothing we do as parents is ever good enough for them. We don't bring them enough places, or buy them enough clothes, or make the right food at home, etc. Trust me when I say that my husband and I give them plenty!
They are also both failing school, despite us spending thousands on private tutoring lessons. They still ended the year with F's!
We are at the end of our rope with both of them. I feel as if they are both abusing us! Every single day we have to put up with them verbally abusing us, threatening us, stealing from us, etc. My husband and I have tried everything. We have talked to them both, until we are blue in the face, and nothing changes.
The oldest one will be going to a part school/counseling program for troubled children this summer, but I don't know if that is going to be enough.
Honestly, even if my husband and I may have been soft on them when they were younger, I don't understand where this behavior has come from. They are acting like nightmares, even though nothing traumatizing has ever happened to either of them. I don't feel like we deserve this and I don't know what we should do.
What do you do when your children simply say NO when you try to reinforce rules? Or when they try to blackmail you with threats to call children services or commit suicide? Is there anything that can be done?
Thanks so much for listening and hopefully offering advice!