<t>Lying. The big L. All parents have been there or will be there at some point: when their little one looks up at them and says “No, mom, I didn’t just break the plate.” The plate we clearly saw them drop.<br/>
<br/>
Why do young kids lie? Why do older teens lie? I think the answer is the same at any age.<br/>
<br/>
A few of my children are quite good at it, a few I have to pay closer attention to, and then there are the two who can't lie to save their lives. I mean, bright neon letters pop out of the top of their heads screaming “liar.” They would not be the people you would want to be in charge of national secrets. <br/>
<br/>
In most cases where young children lie, it’s to tell stories. They want their adventures to sound better than they really are. My 5 year old is the king of this one. Vegetarian vampires were his favorite for quite a while, and they were always intertwined with something that really happened . . . only better.<br/>
<br/>
In many cases, as long as young children understand the difference between fantasy and reality, it shouldn’t be a problem. But what if they are just straight out lying? What then? <br/>
<br/>
In my house, a lie is punishable and the truth will set you free. That doesn’t mean that their actions won’t have consequences if warranted, only that the punishment will be far smaller if the truth is told.<br/>
<br/>
When you catch your children lying, the first thing to do is figure out why they're lying. Is it fear? Fear can be a great motivator when kids choose a lie over the truth. Self-preservation is a strong need in many young children.<br/>
<br/>
What if they are protecting someone? Older children often do this for their younger siblings, as nobody wants to be the rat in the family. Getting my own kids to understand that the only person they are hurting is themselves took some time and a lot of patience. <br/>
<br/>
How about those lies that just slip out? The ones where they answer the question before they have actually thought it through. We have all been there at one point or another. I know I have been guilty of it myself. When it happens with my kids, though, I will often just repeat the question. I try to give them a chance to correct their answer. In most cases that is all it takes. <br/>
<br/>
More than anything, I believe that kids lie because they love us, they want our approval, and they do not want to disappoint us. It's humbling when you really think about it, because they just cannot grasp that no matter what they do, we will always love them. However, love and approval do not always have to go hand in hand.<br/>
<br/>
Here are some good conflict resolutions when faced with lying.<br/>
<br/>
* Do not play the blame game. Stick to the topic at hand.<br/>
* Do not cross-examine. This will only cause them to close themselves off from you.<br/>
* When asking the question, try not to put them into a position where they feel a lie is needed. <br/>
* Remember when they are truthful to be appreciative of the truth. That doesn’t mean the action isn’t punishable.<br/>
<br/>
This doesn’t mean your child will never lie again in their lives. That’s not realistic. But a good foundation will make it so that in the right situations they will feel comfortable coming to you with the truth.</t>
<br/>
Why do young kids lie? Why do older teens lie? I think the answer is the same at any age.<br/>
<br/>
A few of my children are quite good at it, a few I have to pay closer attention to, and then there are the two who can't lie to save their lives. I mean, bright neon letters pop out of the top of their heads screaming “liar.” They would not be the people you would want to be in charge of national secrets. <br/>
<br/>
In most cases where young children lie, it’s to tell stories. They want their adventures to sound better than they really are. My 5 year old is the king of this one. Vegetarian vampires were his favorite for quite a while, and they were always intertwined with something that really happened . . . only better.<br/>
<br/>
In many cases, as long as young children understand the difference between fantasy and reality, it shouldn’t be a problem. But what if they are just straight out lying? What then? <br/>
<br/>
In my house, a lie is punishable and the truth will set you free. That doesn’t mean that their actions won’t have consequences if warranted, only that the punishment will be far smaller if the truth is told.<br/>
<br/>
When you catch your children lying, the first thing to do is figure out why they're lying. Is it fear? Fear can be a great motivator when kids choose a lie over the truth. Self-preservation is a strong need in many young children.<br/>
<br/>
What if they are protecting someone? Older children often do this for their younger siblings, as nobody wants to be the rat in the family. Getting my own kids to understand that the only person they are hurting is themselves took some time and a lot of patience. <br/>
<br/>
How about those lies that just slip out? The ones where they answer the question before they have actually thought it through. We have all been there at one point or another. I know I have been guilty of it myself. When it happens with my kids, though, I will often just repeat the question. I try to give them a chance to correct their answer. In most cases that is all it takes. <br/>
<br/>
More than anything, I believe that kids lie because they love us, they want our approval, and they do not want to disappoint us. It's humbling when you really think about it, because they just cannot grasp that no matter what they do, we will always love them. However, love and approval do not always have to go hand in hand.<br/>
<br/>
Here are some good conflict resolutions when faced with lying.<br/>
<br/>
* Do not play the blame game. Stick to the topic at hand.<br/>
* Do not cross-examine. This will only cause them to close themselves off from you.<br/>
* When asking the question, try not to put them into a position where they feel a lie is needed. <br/>
* Remember when they are truthful to be appreciative of the truth. That doesn’t mean the action isn’t punishable.<br/>
<br/>
This doesn’t mean your child will never lie again in their lives. That’s not realistic. But a good foundation will make it so that in the right situations they will feel comfortable coming to you with the truth.</t>