When do you speak up?...

[singledad]

This is a topic that has been touched on this forum a few times lately, but never really discussed in general terms. I think its important to get some discussion going. So I've added a poll to start it off. (You can select more than one option)

I will give my opinion later (though I suspect most of you already know what it is )

 

[Father_0f_7]

I'm touchy about this subject I guess you could say. As an abused child I don't want ANYONE to go through that. And if I see it in my presense it WILL be stopped, and depending on how the situation was playing out, I may call Child Protective Services.

Anyway...I said I would intervene if
1.<I>When parents do something that has been scientifically proved to be harmful</I>
2.<I>When parents act irresponsibly, or neglect their children</I>
3.<I>When parents verbally abuse their child in my presence</I>
4.<I>When parents emotionally abuse their child in my presence</I>
5.<I>When parents hit their child excessively, in my presence</I>
6.<I>When I have absolute proof that a child is being abused</I>
and depending on what it is I may or may not intervene <I>When parents do something I think could be physically or emotionally harmful</I>

 

[BrissyMumma]

<I>
I voted..
When parents do something I think could be physically or emotionally harmful
</I> <I>When parents act irresponsibly, or neglect their children</I>


<I>When parents verbally abuse their child in my presence</I>


<I>When parents emotionally abuse their child in my presence</I>



<I>When parents hit their child excessively, in my presence

</I>OH and TBH if i had absolute proof thered be no way i wouldst step in though i thought that was fairly obvious and i think most would

 

[xox.ilu.xox]

damn, i didnt realize i could vote for multiple ones, cuz I woulda voted for em all

 

[Xero]

This is difficult to me because some of them I would say/do something about no matter who it was, and some of them I would only get involved if it was someone I knew. Does that make sense? Haha, so I only checked the ones that I would without a doubt act upon no matter who it was, even a perfect stranger. There are others that I would stick my nose in, but only with people that I knew and was comfortable with.

 

[Jake72]

Honestly, none of the above if I don't know the person at all. Now, if the kid was getting beat right there in front of me I would definitely call the police, but if they just get smacked I would give the parent a dirty look. There is really nothing you can do in that situation. I don't want to be the reason for the child getting hurt more in private. Does that make sense?

If it was someone I know well, such as one of my brothers, I would probably at least offer my opinion in most of the situations. I wouldn't insist they change their ways, except for physical abuse. That's when I would tell them to knock it off, or I'll get CPS involved and have their kids given to one of us (well not me, but one of my other brothers) who is more capable of taking care of their children.

 

[NancyM]

I voted as well, I would get involved (with strangers)if I suspect child abuse. Also if I see something with my own eyes that is excessive,(like hitting) or verbally abusive. I might say something right there if I think it would help the child, but sometimes that can cause more harm to the child later, so I might just call the police while I keep an eye on them to act as a witness later if need be.

If It were a family member hurting a child, I would tell them directly to get help, or they will be in answering to CPS.

I do not get involved with other people's lives ever, for any other reason other than Child abuse.

 

[stjohnjulie]

Yeah, I HATE confrontation of any kind, but when kids are involved I feel like I have to on some level. I might not say "Hey! Stop yelling at your kid!" But I would say something like, "Can I help you?" Or walk up really close to the situation. People tend to act differently when they know they are being watched. It's hard for me to say something because I am so shy, but I don't feel right about not doing something.

 

[Antoinette]

i agree. i am too shy to be confrontational usually but when kids are involved i am a little more outspoken lol

 

[singledad]

So here's my take:

I believe that every adult has a responsibility to be observant and to look out for the children they come into contact with, because if we don't, who will? Obviously you have to evaluate the situation. Sometimes you have to accept that, even though you don't agree with something, it probably won't really harm the child. Other times you have to be careful because, as some have pointed out, confronting the parent could make things worse for the child.

It saddens me that there are still so many people who will see signs on abuse and look the other way because "its none of my business", or because people would rather err on the side of not angering the parents. It also saddens me that there are so many people who still don't realise the bruises and fractures heel much quicker that the wounds words can inflict. Verbal abuse is at least as damaging, if not more than physical abuse.

I tend to confront people - even strangers who scream at their children in public. I have not come across a situation where I suspect someone I know of abuse, but if that ever happens, I will involve the authorities. I could never watch a child suffer.

 

[NancyM]

Me too Singledad. I know myself enough to know that if I just walked away, I would wonder all night and probably forever weather or not that child was being abused and if I intervened, could I have saved his life.

I'd rather err on being wrong, than have to live with myself always wondering what became of that child.

 

[SavCat]

There's no doubt that more people say they would intervene than actually would. I'm in a job where I have to make reports when I see it or find out about it in my office. In public, I have to admit, I usually simply use a stare or dirty (sort of disappointed) look, which has not yet failed to stop the behavior for the moment. Clearly, however, if the behavior is happening at a concerning level in public, it's most likely a lot worse at home. I simply don't feel I can get involved as often as would be necessary to truly help most children I think might be in need.