Yikes!...

[singledad]

Sooo.... I guess the forum where I'm posting says it.
Yup, GF is pregnant.
Ok. I'll give you a minute...
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
... everyone over their shock? Yes? Good. Cause I'm not. But anyway...

So, obviously things are about to change, big time. We've already discussed the fact that it would be an obvious thing to move in together. This was not a one-night-stand and neither are we a couple of teenagers, sneaking around, having sex behind our parents' backs. We are responsible adults and we are in love, so it wouldn't make any sense to bring this kid up in two separate homes. It wouldn't make any sense to make a pregnant woman go home alone when the father of her child could be there to support her and take care of her. The truth is that we probably would have done this in the end. Just not this soon!

Ok, maybe the "responsible" part is debatable, but she was on the pill! We really thought we were taking all the necessary precautions!

So the advice I need (or rather, the part I think you guys can help me with) is really around my DD - she's been through more change in her life than any 6 year old should have had to cope with. Now, she's going to go through more. Daddy's GF is about to become a for-real step mom. They already have a really great relationship, but I can't forget how she reacted when she realized that we were more than friends, so I don't want to spring another surprise on her. The fact remains that for more than half her life, it's been just me and her, and everyone else just came to visit, so having my GF move in will be a huge adjustment for her. I have no idea how to handle that to make it as easy as possible for her.

And then she'll also gain a sibling... with all the usual issues that come with having a second child...

We don't have a scared smily. Dammit. How am I supposed to tell you guys I'm scared out of my mind without one?

 

[cybele]

Firstly, I think you have gotten the scared emotion across quite well minus smiley.

Secondly, congratulations!

 

[mom2many]

We need a jaw dropping smiley! CONGRATULATIONS!

Here is the man, who not to long ago, was content to be a bachelor raising his DD, content just focusing on her, and now he is going to be a daddy again. This makes me unbelievable happy for you!

Of course this is going to be a big change for you and your DD, but isn't life really about change and moving forward? Focus on the good that all of this will bring. There is no way your DD will be able to resist a new baby, not saying there won't be bumps in the road, but keep her involved and you will see that part of it work itself out.

As for the GF moving in, take it slow and make it gradual. Have her slowly start to be more present in your home, has she stayed over? If so make the amount of time longer, do it slowly so that it doesn't come as shock to your DD. This isn't the most financially sound thing, but it will help your DD adjust easier.

Again Congrat's!

 

[akmom]

Ah, congratulations!

My advice would be to just marry her and have her move in, then share the news about the baby later, so your daughter only has to process one thing at a time. At this age, it's not like she's going to be doing the math.

 

[Xero]

AWWW!!! Congratulations! That is so cool, I am so happy for you! How awesome is that.

Everything will be fine, in fact I think in the long run that your DD will love being a big sister. I say start by having the GF over your house more and more often (slowly, a bit more at a time over the next month or two), to the point where she is spending the night a lot and all that. Maybe once and a while have conversations with DD about how you like having GF over, and maybe it would be nice to have her live with you so you could all three be like a family. Be sure to express how wonderful and happy and fun you think that would be, kids tend to pick up on your emotions and go along with them, especially when it comes to excitement. Make it out to be this exciting new thing that we all are looking forward to and I am sure that she will feel excited as well right along with you.

In time, after she has been living with you guys, maybe once her belly starts to show or something, then you can announce to DD that she is going to be a big sister and that you are going to have a new baby etc. I waited to tell ODS until a few months in (don't remember exactly how long), because I wanted to be careful considering miscarriage is most possible in the first trimester and also because 3 year olds don't have the best of patience and I figured I'd put off the "when is the baby going to be here" questions for as long as I could LOL. Everything after that I think is pretty much standard! You can find all kinds of awesome tactics online to get an older sibling ready for a new baby. She will be fine, you have a great age gap between them, and I bet she will just love the baby to pieces, you know how little girls are lol.

Good luck, but I know you're an awesome dad and you've got it under control.

 

[Mom2all]

Of course you know I agree. There are advantages to being an only child I would imagine... but there are definite advantage to having a sibling to love and be loved by your whole life too. And having a mother figure there.. who loves her too.. nothing but good things from my perspective.


:huh::wideeyed: And all of these might do well for you right now... lol

 

[singledad]

Thanks everyone. I wish I had as much faith in myself as you all seem to have in me

So the consensus seem to be to make the moving in thing a gradual process. She already spends the night quite often - especially on weekends - so that should be doable. I do like the idea of my DD having a proper mother-figure in her life. I guess I'm a bit old-school in that way. I believe it's best for a kid to have both a mom and a dad, preferable living in the same home.

Here is the man, who not to long ago, was content to be a bachelor raising his DD, content just focusing on her, and now he is going to be a daddy again. This makes me unbelievable happy for you!

LOL. I would have called it "content" exactly, but yes, it was pretty quick. I guess this relationship kinda sneaked up on me. I didn't even realize I was falling for her until it was too late

My advice would be to just marry her and have her move in,

Whoa! Slow down! One scary thing at a time is enough, thanks. There's plenty of time for marriage later...

Maybe once and a while have conversations with DD about how you like having GF over, and maybe it would be nice to have her live with you so you could all three be like a family. Be sure to express how wonderful and happy and fun you think that would be, kids tend to pick up on your emotions and go along with them, especially when it comes to excitement. Make it out to be this exciting new thing that we all are looking forward to and I am sure that she will feel excited as well right along with you.

I like that idea. She does often pick up my emotions, so I think it will work.

I waited to tell ODS until a few months in (don't remember exactly how long), because I wanted to be careful considering miscarriage is most possible in the first trimester and also because 3 year olds don't have the best of patience and I figured I'd put off the "when is the baby going to be here" questions for as long as I could LOL.

LOL - another piece of good advice. I can so imagine my DD driving us crazy with impatience! And yes, I suppose there is still a risk of miscarriage...

Thanks again for the congratulations, everyone. If I come across as a bit cool about this all - there is a part of me that is excited. I've wanted another kid ever since my DD was born, it's just that the timing is really bad...

 

[bssage]

I guess I am late to the party again. Congratulations.

there are some proven strategies for influencing your dd's opinion. Or preparing for the change. The first and most effective is to allow the change or at least part of it to be her idea. Keep nudging her that direction expressing a need for and desire to make things official and bring the family together. And once you think she is getting on board. Allow her to help with the planning. There are a lot of "Feel Good" movies that could also help with this.

I gotto get the kids off to school. I will post more later. The Dale Carnegie book "How to win friends and influence people" is full of tips.

Congrat's

 

[singledad]

So... just an update. She had her first prenatal visit today. The doctor is happy with both her and baby's health. The estimated due date is 16 December - which is kinda cool because it's a holiday here

As for the adjustment - she's been spending more time with us. She's going to spend this entire weekend with us, only going home Sunday evening. My DD seems perfectly happy with this, so I guess so far so good.

 

[mom2many]

Glad things are going so well for you SD!

 

[Xero]

Great to hear SD! Keep us updated!

 

[momandmore]

Awe (= Congrats!!