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I suggest being preemptive and suggest to your son to invite the friend come over to your house for a sleepover.

Sounds like you are handling it well. You are not chastising him which would further alienate him. Wondering if he is just arrogant to you or to his mom and everyone? If it's just you, it is normal that he would be that way to a new SD. It'll be a good idea to make more effort to earn his trust...