not working because it's... not a very good idea. not very practical. short hair is way easier to take care of. especially if its curly.
12 year old... hygiene......
- Thread starter kassierossiter
- Start date
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*sidesteps back to the bra debate*
Sorry, I ran out of internet credit a while back and didnt get any more until today.
For the record, I wear a DD. There is research to suggest that there are health benefits to not wearing bras, google it. When I used to wear a bra I had shoulder pain and back pain, in the past 10 years of not wearing one I have had no pain whatsoever (plus many other benefits, mwahaha)
Yes I live in a smaller community with a bit of a 'hippy/alternative vibe' and bras arent the norm here, however that dosent mean that I pop one on when I go into the suburbs or the city, and even if I did live in the city I still wouldnt wear one or encourage my daughters to.
Im my eyes, the point of bras is to sexualise women further, they push the breasts into an unnatural position for the purpose of looking good. I think that its so sad that we teach our young girls that they are a necessity. But I do realise that im not in the majority belief.
As for the soap causing thrush argument... youre not supposed to put soap up your vagina, sorry, but what? And yes, antibiotics cause thrush, another big cause is polyester underwear which dont let the area breathe and you get a build up of sweat.
Sorry, I ran out of internet credit a while back and didnt get any more until today.
For the record, I wear a DD. There is research to suggest that there are health benefits to not wearing bras, google it. When I used to wear a bra I had shoulder pain and back pain, in the past 10 years of not wearing one I have had no pain whatsoever (plus many other benefits, mwahaha)
Yes I live in a smaller community with a bit of a 'hippy/alternative vibe' and bras arent the norm here, however that dosent mean that I pop one on when I go into the suburbs or the city, and even if I did live in the city I still wouldnt wear one or encourage my daughters to.
Im my eyes, the point of bras is to sexualise women further, they push the breasts into an unnatural position for the purpose of looking good. I think that its so sad that we teach our young girls that they are a necessity. But I do realise that im not in the majority belief.
As for the soap causing thrush argument... youre not supposed to put soap up your vagina, sorry, but what? And yes, antibiotics cause thrush, another big cause is polyester underwear which dont let the area breathe and you get a build up of sweat.
I find it odd when people who are pro-bra are concerned about sexualising children, then they make them wear something that pushes their boobs up to make them look bigger, it doesn't make sense does it.
I'm not sure what bra size my wife is, she did wear a nursing bra when we had Jackson, but she got really achey shoulders so she didn't have it very long. Melia couldn't wear one if she wanted to, she has a skin condition, so if she wears anything tight her skin becomes very sore, and is basically rubbed off, so she can't wear things like waist belts either.
You have bacteria inside your vagina which controls thrush, you always have thrush there, but the bacteria is able to control it, preventing you from having a bout of thrush.
Soaps which aren't designed for the vagina (the mucus membranes, e.g. inner lips/labia etc) alter the conditions in the vagina which will kill this bacteria (pH mainly) (high levels of oestrogen can cause thrush too) soaps can also irritate the lining of the vagina, which can cause more severe thrush.
That is why there are countless soaps and wipes that are designed for the vagina (and genitals in general), such as femfresh, cadum intimate wash etc (of course brand depends on country).
If you have an operation on your vagina they of course have to use scrub on the outer the vagina to kill bacteria, to reduce your chance of developing thrush while you are unconscious they flush you will distilled water once, when the scrub has been removed, in hopes that the conditions in the vagina will remain fairly stable, as thrush can severely effect healing time and risk of other infections.
I'm not sure what bra size my wife is, she did wear a nursing bra when we had Jackson, but she got really achey shoulders so she didn't have it very long. Melia couldn't wear one if she wanted to, she has a skin condition, so if she wears anything tight her skin becomes very sore, and is basically rubbed off, so she can't wear things like waist belts either.
You have bacteria inside your vagina which controls thrush, you always have thrush there, but the bacteria is able to control it, preventing you from having a bout of thrush.
Soaps which aren't designed for the vagina (the mucus membranes, e.g. inner lips/labia etc) alter the conditions in the vagina which will kill this bacteria (pH mainly) (high levels of oestrogen can cause thrush too) soaps can also irritate the lining of the vagina, which can cause more severe thrush.
That is why there are countless soaps and wipes that are designed for the vagina (and genitals in general), such as femfresh, cadum intimate wash etc (of course brand depends on country).
If you have an operation on your vagina they of course have to use scrub on the outer the vagina to kill bacteria, to reduce your chance of developing thrush while you are unconscious they flush you will distilled water once, when the scrub has been removed, in hopes that the conditions in the vagina will remain fairly stable, as thrush can severely effect healing time and risk of other infections.
Guys, the bra debate has already been had and if anyone wants to continue discussing it you can create a new thread because I believe the original was closed a long time ago. Same thing goes for the soaping your vag thing. This needs to get back on topic please, this is disrespectful to the OP.
I remember going through a brief period of time where I hated to shower.
I was about 9 or 10.
I didn't like to shower because I rather would have play time than have to go shower.
Same with deodorant. My mom had to remind me to put it on.
I simply was still very child like with a more mature body.
I grew out of that very quickly.
As soon as I hit 5th grade and spring came around and everyone started wearing shorts, and a lot of the girls started shaving their legs, so did it.
And it just started from there and I began my transformation into the high maintenance being I am today.
I have to shower everyday. I have to shave everyday. I do my make-up before I leave the house.
Now, that being said I have all guy friends, who do not like to wait on me.
I have changed somewhat. If we have to go somewhere early. I can roll right out of bed, throw on some clothes and go with them. I've become more bending on things. With it being summer and me being tan, I don't need to do concealer and blush etc. I can get away with eyeliner and mascara.
If she comes from somewhere that her hygiene was not seen as important then that is the way she thinks and that is why she doesn't do it.
You need to nip this in the bud and start teaching her, that she needs to shower everyday, use deodorant, and take care of herself.
Even if long ago we didn't shower and humans aren't suppose to shower, that its just some invention...so what?
Who actually wants to smell like arse or like something just died and made home in their hair?
I was about 9 or 10.
I didn't like to shower because I rather would have play time than have to go shower.
Same with deodorant. My mom had to remind me to put it on.
I simply was still very child like with a more mature body.
I grew out of that very quickly.
As soon as I hit 5th grade and spring came around and everyone started wearing shorts, and a lot of the girls started shaving their legs, so did it.
And it just started from there and I began my transformation into the high maintenance being I am today.
I have to shower everyday. I have to shave everyday. I do my make-up before I leave the house.
Now, that being said I have all guy friends, who do not like to wait on me.
I have changed somewhat. If we have to go somewhere early. I can roll right out of bed, throw on some clothes and go with them. I've become more bending on things. With it being summer and me being tan, I don't need to do concealer and blush etc. I can get away with eyeliner and mascara.
If she comes from somewhere that her hygiene was not seen as important then that is the way she thinks and that is why she doesn't do it.
You need to nip this in the bud and start teaching her, that she needs to shower everyday, use deodorant, and take care of herself.
Even if long ago we didn't shower and humans aren't suppose to shower, that its just some invention...so what?
Who actually wants to smell like arse or like something just died and made home in their hair?
Don't you love how forum topics usually always get off topic somewhere along the line? Guess the whole world is now ADD....
Anyway, we have the same problem with our 11 year old and have for the longest time. However, he has at least told us the reason. He simply thinks it "takes too long" and he considers it "work" and only thinks he should have to play and do whatever he wants to.
Plain and simple, he is somewhat lazy and really does not care at all about hygeine - appearance, smell, health, nothing - it is not important to him. He has been diagnosed with ADD and ODD (the first one I do not buy, but that is another story).
We have tried what you said you tried, but same as your result the only thing that happened was that he just went many days without a shower and wasn't even going to think about it.
Funny thing is that he will do so much more "work" to get out of taking a shower than it actually takes to take a shower.
For instance, when we make him take a shower he will get an attitude and spend about 20 minutes in the bathroom playing around before he even gets in the shower. Then he will get in the shower and STAND there, just outside of the water for 20 more minutes, but never wash. He always fails to get his hair completely wet to make it look like he took a shower (yep, still hasn't figured out that he would have a much better chance of getting away with it if he actually got himself wet!). He cannot make the connection that he spends 40 minutes faking a shower, when he could actually spend 10 and take one. This has been going on for years.
When I remember, I always check when he is done to see if he has done the faking - and when I do he has to get right back in. Sad thing is that if I do not stand in the bathroom while he is doing it, he will continue to fake it.
That being said, I have no real suggestions for you as we are in the same boat; however, did want to share the fact that you are not alone...and as far as our child, I chalk it up to plain laziness plain and simple. The only thing that I can do about this is what I have been doing and when he moves out of the house, he is on his own.
Maybe once he starts into puberty he will change, but I seriously doubt it.
Mike
Anyway, we have the same problem with our 11 year old and have for the longest time. However, he has at least told us the reason. He simply thinks it "takes too long" and he considers it "work" and only thinks he should have to play and do whatever he wants to.
Plain and simple, he is somewhat lazy and really does not care at all about hygeine - appearance, smell, health, nothing - it is not important to him. He has been diagnosed with ADD and ODD (the first one I do not buy, but that is another story).
We have tried what you said you tried, but same as your result the only thing that happened was that he just went many days without a shower and wasn't even going to think about it.
Funny thing is that he will do so much more "work" to get out of taking a shower than it actually takes to take a shower.
For instance, when we make him take a shower he will get an attitude and spend about 20 minutes in the bathroom playing around before he even gets in the shower. Then he will get in the shower and STAND there, just outside of the water for 20 more minutes, but never wash. He always fails to get his hair completely wet to make it look like he took a shower (yep, still hasn't figured out that he would have a much better chance of getting away with it if he actually got himself wet!). He cannot make the connection that he spends 40 minutes faking a shower, when he could actually spend 10 and take one. This has been going on for years.
When I remember, I always check when he is done to see if he has done the faking - and when I do he has to get right back in. Sad thing is that if I do not stand in the bathroom while he is doing it, he will continue to fake it.
That being said, I have no real suggestions for you as we are in the same boat; however, did want to share the fact that you are not alone...and as far as our child, I chalk it up to plain laziness plain and simple. The only thing that I can do about this is what I have been doing and when he moves out of the house, he is on his own.
Maybe once he starts into puberty he will change, but I seriously doubt it.
Mike
Well I had the same problem but Dr Kishore Of Thecradle bangalore maternity hospital suggested me the same thing as you did. Keep posting the good stuff
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Kassie,
I noticed that this is your step-daughter, meaning that her biological mother is out there somewhere. Have you taken a closer look at the impact this step-situation may be having on her? How involved is her mother in her life? What about the "previous living conditions" you mentioned at one point? Could she be expressing her emotional pain over this whole family dynamic change *through her hygiene*?
I do endorse the counseling approach at this point. She seems to be choosing to not care for herself, maybe even numb to it, to a point that you've observed some significant skin problems. That's saying something very important right there, imo. Many people would not tolerate such discomfort, even to make a point.
Two of my three daughters have eczema on their hands from fall through the spring. It's just starting now and even in one day of dry windy weather, they already can't stand it. I can just imagine how uncomfortable that skin issue was for all those months.
I wonder if she could be depressed. Not to scare you, but she has at some point gone through a difficult family transition. She has also refused to care for herself in a number of ways. Something is wrong and I have a guess it is related to her mental well being.
I also agree with another poster that the haircut thing may not work as a "privilege". I have had long hair and it is most definitely harder to take care of. And if she is in fact depressed or having mental health issues of some kind, that will feel like a giant obstacle. I'd vote for making her self care as easy and simple as possible so she'll at least DO it.
Check out the depression. Lack of self care is one of the symptoms. Doesn't mean that's absolutely it, but it raises a big red flag for me when it gets this bad. And consider the involvement (or lack thereof) of her biological mother. That could be a huge piece also. Look at this through a family emotional viewpoint rather than a discipline/punishment viewpoint and you may discover some important things about her.
Best wishes.
I noticed that this is your step-daughter, meaning that her biological mother is out there somewhere. Have you taken a closer look at the impact this step-situation may be having on her? How involved is her mother in her life? What about the "previous living conditions" you mentioned at one point? Could she be expressing her emotional pain over this whole family dynamic change *through her hygiene*?
I do endorse the counseling approach at this point. She seems to be choosing to not care for herself, maybe even numb to it, to a point that you've observed some significant skin problems. That's saying something very important right there, imo. Many people would not tolerate such discomfort, even to make a point.
Two of my three daughters have eczema on their hands from fall through the spring. It's just starting now and even in one day of dry windy weather, they already can't stand it. I can just imagine how uncomfortable that skin issue was for all those months.
I wonder if she could be depressed. Not to scare you, but she has at some point gone through a difficult family transition. She has also refused to care for herself in a number of ways. Something is wrong and I have a guess it is related to her mental well being.
I also agree with another poster that the haircut thing may not work as a "privilege". I have had long hair and it is most definitely harder to take care of. And if she is in fact depressed or having mental health issues of some kind, that will feel like a giant obstacle. I'd vote for making her self care as easy and simple as possible so she'll at least DO it.
Check out the depression. Lack of self care is one of the symptoms. Doesn't mean that's absolutely it, but it raises a big red flag for me when it gets this bad. And consider the involvement (or lack thereof) of her biological mother. That could be a huge piece also. Look at this through a family emotional viewpoint rather than a discipline/punishment viewpoint and you may discover some important things about her.
Best wishes.