hello, i have a 17 year old daughter and i'm wondering how much to let go, and how much i should be enforcing rules on her. she is in college already, but still lives at home. she has a boyfriend who is 21. they are not engaging in sexual intercourse. she is very mature and wants me to let go a bit more, but she still isn't 18 yet. should she be aloud at his house? should he be allowed in her room? should sleepovers happen (i don't let them)? i just wanted other parents' opinions. thanks!
17 year old daughter and boyfriend guidelines...
- Thread starter ghparent
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My advice is do what you are comfortable with.
If she is in college that tells me that she is most likely not only mature for her age, but also has a good head on her shoulders. That is however a pretty big age gab. I'm surprised that they are not sexually active and think that you shouldn't discount the possibility that they are.
If you are ok with him coming over then do so. I myself wouldn't allow the door to be shut in her bedroom and certainly no sleep overs.
In regards to letting her go over to his house your going to have to make that call. If you feel comfortable with him, and trust her judgement then do so.
What ever you decide just realize that no matter how young she is she thinks she is an adult now and she will most likely resent you trying to have too much control. This just might make her do something to rebel that she might not have normally done.
In other words flip a coin....lol. I'm so scared of the teen years.
If she is in college that tells me that she is most likely not only mature for her age, but also has a good head on her shoulders. That is however a pretty big age gab. I'm surprised that they are not sexually active and think that you shouldn't discount the possibility that they are.
If you are ok with him coming over then do so. I myself wouldn't allow the door to be shut in her bedroom and certainly no sleep overs.
In regards to letting her go over to his house your going to have to make that call. If you feel comfortable with him, and trust her judgement then do so.
What ever you decide just realize that no matter how young she is she thinks she is an adult now and she will most likely resent you trying to have too much control. This just might make her do something to rebel that she might not have normally done.
In other words flip a coin....lol. I'm so scared of the teen years.
>>>>she is very mature and wants me to let go a bit more
She's not mature, she's 17.
>>>but she still isn't 18 yet. should she be aloud at his house? should he be allowed in her room? should sleepovers happen (i don't let them)?
No, no, and no.
These are the things that lead to sex. Even the most responsible person is going to slip up when put in situations like that. How can you not...plus he's a 21 year old male...all he is thinking about is sex and you're thinking about letting them sleep over???
Are you nuts?????
You're doing great on your rules, just stay firm and strong, and when she moves out she can do what she wants! Only another year or so to go!
She's not mature, she's 17.
>>>but she still isn't 18 yet. should she be aloud at his house? should he be allowed in her room? should sleepovers happen (i don't let them)?
No, no, and no.
These are the things that lead to sex. Even the most responsible person is going to slip up when put in situations like that. How can you not...plus he's a 21 year old male...all he is thinking about is sex and you're thinking about letting them sleep over???
Are you nuts?????
You're doing great on your rules, just stay firm and strong, and when she moves out she can do what she wants! Only another year or so to go!
If my 16 year old daughter were dating a 20 year old guy, it would be WAY outside my comfort zone. And we have talked very openly about why I feel that way.
Yes, it is a big generalization. Kind of like saying Asians have black hair. (He might still be a nice responsible young man though.)hwnorth said:
I disagree ... are 21 year old men interested in sex ? .. yes, about as much as 21 year old women... so to pinpoint one ...think is wrong
I think that if your daughter is in college already that she's more mature than those her own age...but not quite at that adult maturity yet.
As for letting him sleep over and go in her bed room. If it were me, I would let him come over and be in her room...DOORS OPEN ALWAYS. He could stay over....BUT SLEEP IN ANOTHER ROOM...hopefully on another floor.
As for letting him sleep over and go in her bed room. If it were me, I would let him come over and be in her room...DOORS OPEN ALWAYS. He could stay over....BUT SLEEP IN ANOTHER ROOM...hopefully on another floor.
I was 21 and my parents let my bfriend sleep over b/c his home was hours away from mine. However, I was in their house so we had to listen to their rules. He slept on the sofa and I went upstairs to my own room. (Although we did stay up later than my parents)...
I disagree with some of the comments that because she's in college at that age means she must be more mature. In some cases, I've seen it to be just the opposite. I had a friend who finished high school at 17- and already has an associate degree by then. Her college grad actually took place a few days before her high school one. But while she was a very hard worker when it came to school and such, she was lagging behind in some other areas - even behind the kids who were only a year older than her. There are very different types of maturity and just because you've mastered one doesn't mean that you are above average in others...
That said, I'd be careful - but also be realistic. You don't want to be like my cousins mom....
My cousin turned 18 in Dec. She's been with the same guy for 3 years - but mom doesn't like him because of something dumb he did when they first got together. But mom was not aware of this. So they were going to get her on birth control when she turned 18 (apparently mom thought that was some magic number? I don't know.) Just before the appt, mom found out that Cuz was still seeing the BF - and refused to take her the the appt. since mom's insurance was covering it (she was still in HS), Cuz had no say. Few weeks later, guess who's pregnant? That was just stupid of her mother. The bottom line is if she wants to have sex, she's going to do it regardless of any rules you may make. But that doesn't mean that you have to allow it under your roof. But I really don't think you can control whether she goes over to his house or not. If she really wants to, she's going to find a way. You can discourage it, but just as somebody said with regards to sex, I wouldn't assume that it doesn't happen
That said, I'd be careful - but also be realistic. You don't want to be like my cousins mom....
My cousin turned 18 in Dec. She's been with the same guy for 3 years - but mom doesn't like him because of something dumb he did when they first got together. But mom was not aware of this. So they were going to get her on birth control when she turned 18 (apparently mom thought that was some magic number? I don't know.) Just before the appt, mom found out that Cuz was still seeing the BF - and refused to take her the the appt. since mom's insurance was covering it (she was still in HS), Cuz had no say. Few weeks later, guess who's pregnant? That was just stupid of her mother. The bottom line is if she wants to have sex, she's going to do it regardless of any rules you may make. But that doesn't mean that you have to allow it under your roof. But I really don't think you can control whether she goes over to his house or not. If she really wants to, she's going to find a way. You can discourage it, but just as somebody said with regards to sex, I wouldn't assume that it doesn't happen