Our daughter of 2 and a half years, for the past 3 days, has refused to go to sleep at night. Bed time is between 8 and 9 and she only really goes to sleep at around 10:30 or 11:00.
At first, I thought it was just stubbornness. Now I'm thinking she scared. I actually think it's a bit of both, but let me explain. The other night, after crying for mommy to come sleep with her for the umpteenth time, I asked her what's wrong, why can't she just go to sleep. She said because there's noises in her room and there's monsters. I said a few things to reassure her monsters weren't real and that the noises were something else. We tried it once more - going to sleep that is. On the monitor downstairs, we could hear her wimpering. You could tell she was really trying hard not to cry, which tells me she's not just being stubborn, but eventually she caved and started crying for mommy and daddy. This time, I asked her if it would be OK to leave the door open. She said yes. I said, but you have to go to sleep. She said OK. So we tried that. I was ready to go to bed at that point. As I was laying in bed ready my book, I saw her down the hall walking out of her room. I didn't tell her to return to her bed, I just assumed she was still scared and I was willing to let her sleep in my bed (this is something she often asks: to sleep in mommy and daddy's bed. Before 10:00 we aren't usually in bed so we try to insist she remain in her own bed, and after 10:00, assuming its a matter of stubbornness, we usually allow it only once in a row and only for about 5 minutes). But then while in bed she said she wanted to get up and play with her toys. This was definitely not a matter of being afraid. She just didn't want to go to sleep. I told her no and that she had to close her eyes and try to sleep (to which she complied).
It's really a mix of things. Sometimes she says things that convince me she's afraid (like "my room makes noises") but other times she says things that convince me she just doesn't want to go to bed (like "but I'm awake"). Sometimes I think the excuses (I'm awake, I want one more story, I need a drink of water, etc.) are actually ways of dealing with the fear, but she doesn't know how to articulate her fear or maybe she's not even full conscious that that's her motive. I don't know.
If it were just a matter of stubbornness, I'd want a way to get her to go to sleep without the huge hour to 2 hour long ordeal, but if it's a matter of fear, I wouldn't mind if she slept in our bed all night (though eventually I'd want her to get over her fear).
Right now, I'm definitely leaning towards treating it as a matter of fear, and I'm posting this in the hopes of getting some advice on how to treat childhood (i.e. 2 1/2 yr old) fear of the dark when going to bed.
If this continues, I'm thinking I might do this - tell me what you think: I'll tell her that I'll leave the door open on the condition that she stay in bed and try to sleep. If she leaves her room, I'm going to put her back in bed and close the door, telling her I'm closing it because she got out of bed, and I'll leave it closed for maybe a couple minutes. She'll probably cry and protest, but after I come back in after the two minutes, I'll repeat the deal: I'll leave the door open only if she stays in bed. I'm going to have to have a way of telling if she's still scared. Listening to the monitor, like last night, seems to be a good sign. Listening to her wimpering but not all out balling seemed to be a good sign that she was trying but was still scared. If that's the case, then maybe I'll let her sleep in our bed. If it's before 10:00, I'll try to stay in the room with her (don't know how easy that will be).
Does this sound like a good plan?
And more importantly, how does one handle the fear-of-the-dark problem at bedtime?
At first, I thought it was just stubbornness. Now I'm thinking she scared. I actually think it's a bit of both, but let me explain. The other night, after crying for mommy to come sleep with her for the umpteenth time, I asked her what's wrong, why can't she just go to sleep. She said because there's noises in her room and there's monsters. I said a few things to reassure her monsters weren't real and that the noises were something else. We tried it once more - going to sleep that is. On the monitor downstairs, we could hear her wimpering. You could tell she was really trying hard not to cry, which tells me she's not just being stubborn, but eventually she caved and started crying for mommy and daddy. This time, I asked her if it would be OK to leave the door open. She said yes. I said, but you have to go to sleep. She said OK. So we tried that. I was ready to go to bed at that point. As I was laying in bed ready my book, I saw her down the hall walking out of her room. I didn't tell her to return to her bed, I just assumed she was still scared and I was willing to let her sleep in my bed (this is something she often asks: to sleep in mommy and daddy's bed. Before 10:00 we aren't usually in bed so we try to insist she remain in her own bed, and after 10:00, assuming its a matter of stubbornness, we usually allow it only once in a row and only for about 5 minutes). But then while in bed she said she wanted to get up and play with her toys. This was definitely not a matter of being afraid. She just didn't want to go to sleep. I told her no and that she had to close her eyes and try to sleep (to which she complied).
It's really a mix of things. Sometimes she says things that convince me she's afraid (like "my room makes noises") but other times she says things that convince me she just doesn't want to go to bed (like "but I'm awake"). Sometimes I think the excuses (I'm awake, I want one more story, I need a drink of water, etc.) are actually ways of dealing with the fear, but she doesn't know how to articulate her fear or maybe she's not even full conscious that that's her motive. I don't know.
If it were just a matter of stubbornness, I'd want a way to get her to go to sleep without the huge hour to 2 hour long ordeal, but if it's a matter of fear, I wouldn't mind if she slept in our bed all night (though eventually I'd want her to get over her fear).
Right now, I'm definitely leaning towards treating it as a matter of fear, and I'm posting this in the hopes of getting some advice on how to treat childhood (i.e. 2 1/2 yr old) fear of the dark when going to bed.
If this continues, I'm thinking I might do this - tell me what you think: I'll tell her that I'll leave the door open on the condition that she stay in bed and try to sleep. If she leaves her room, I'm going to put her back in bed and close the door, telling her I'm closing it because she got out of bed, and I'll leave it closed for maybe a couple minutes. She'll probably cry and protest, but after I come back in after the two minutes, I'll repeat the deal: I'll leave the door open only if she stays in bed. I'm going to have to have a way of telling if she's still scared. Listening to the monitor, like last night, seems to be a good sign. Listening to her wimpering but not all out balling seemed to be a good sign that she was trying but was still scared. If that's the case, then maybe I'll let her sleep in our bed. If it's before 10:00, I'll try to stay in the room with her (don't know how easy that will be).
Does this sound like a good plan?
And more importantly, how does one handle the fear-of-the-dark problem at bedtime?
