26 Year old living at home...

[bill1971]

Hello, what is the appropriate or fair amount of time to give him to move out. He works full time and has a job. He lives in the room with his 24 year old sister. He has a very hostile personality and is causing a lot of friction. His sister is ready to move out and at her age she certainly is entitled to, but she is getting married in about 15 months and we would and she would like her to be home until that time.

The final straw is when he got a dog without our permission. The dog has chewed up his sisters shoes and destroyed other property of hers and is not even offering to pay for it. He is a sweet dog, but that's not the point. he does pay rent which is paying for the storage unit, but even at that we found out the hard way he hasn't paid it sometimes.

He is at heart a great person, but I think we may be enabling him at this point but don't want to kick him out without fair warning. His mother told him to start giving him money to help him save to et out but so far she hasn't seen a cent.

 

[grateful2016]

This sounds like several issues are going on here. But a good place to start would be with you and your husband working together to resolve the issue. This article may help. All the best. http://bit.ly/2bGlUqf

 

[Vdad]

I bet there's just a long history of issues there, all of which might contribute to the current situation, and none of which you should address right now, it will take years to unravel.

You should sit down with him and make a plan....how, when, why...of when he moves out. The amount of time is negotiable, but he should move out planfully...when certain conditions for success are met. Until then, itls not unreasonable to expect him to keep the dog confined when not surpervised, and to not do anything similar that affects the rest of the family.

 

[bill1971]

Well things took a turn for the worse. A few months ago we told him to get his own insurance. I set it all up and Allstate told me he was good so I removed him from my insurance.

It turns out he never did, I'm not sure why Allstate said he was taken care of, but now he lost his car.

 

[Vdad]

I bet there's just a long history of issues there, all of which might contribute to the current situation, and none of which you should address right now, it will take years to unravel.

You should sit down with him and make a plan....how, when, why...of when he moves out. The amount of time is negotiable, but he should move out planfully...when certain conditions for success are met. Until then, itls not unreasonable to expect him to keep the dog confined when not surpervised, and to not do anything similar that affects the rest of the family.

^This. Still.

 

[artmom]

Well things took a turn for the worse. A few months ago we told him to get his own insurance. I set it all up and Allstate told me he was good so I removed him from my insurance.

It turns out he never did, I'm not sure why Allstate said he was taken care of, but now he lost his car.

You should call back Allstate and speak with a supervisor or manager as they can look deeper into the matter and fix what went wrong.
Did your son lose his car for a separate reason, or is it related?

Glad to here you're taking steps to push your son towards independence.

 

[bill1971]

Since then I found out that he didn't have insurance when he 1st got his car when he got into an accident.

Bottom line he now doesn't have a car because the bank took it.

 

[artmom]

It's a life lesson he had to learn.

 

[bill1971]

Not really a life lesson, although I agree it should be. Now what happens is his mom has to take him to work and pick him up everyday, or I will. If I don't Ill feel guilty.

 

[artmom]

Is he contributing to the fuel costs for these chauffeured rides? If not, you guys need to cease. If that means losing his job, well that's just tough. Since he's living at home he won't have too much to worry about after that and he can give a hard evaluation on his life and figure out what he needs to do.
If he does chip in for the costs, then that's good, I guess. But you guys have got to think about how long you are willing to be his personal taxi.
Give him a reasonable deadline to find a new car or alternative transportation. Is there a transit system in your area? Can he bike to work?
Another solution is have him set up a carpool with coworker, if possible.

 

[bill1971]

Yes he does pay for the gas. He can take the bus part of the way, which is what he did before his last accident. His mom would pick him up part of the way. Car pooling to work would be good but I don't know if he will ask anyone at work, and there is really no way for us to verify that.

I am concerned that by taking our car and if he gets into an accident, then we are really in a bind.

Thanks everyone for their advice.