9 yo trumping little brother...

[IADad]

Okay, so DS1 has been intent on on-upping DS2 multiple times a day. I understand it's his way of establishing his superiority. I get that big brothers feel the need to put down their little brothers. We've been handling it by saying, "Dude, really? Is there any need to do that? How would you feel is someone did that to you.?"

Example, this morning on the way to school, he had taken his "skills ball" (a small soccer ball) with him. DS 2 pipes up saying, "I didn't know you had a skills ball too." and DS1 says "Yes, I got one, and mine is more expensive than yours." really? what was the point of that maiking your brother feel small and insignificant. I was so ticked.

Any ideas for other creative ways to approach this behavior? I know it's a phase, do I just stay consistent and correct it as we go?

Thoughts?

 

[mom2many]

Yep stay consistent. My little ones do it constantly also and it drives me insane! The good news is that all of my older ones outgrew the need so I am assuming the younger ones will also.

 

[sbattisti]

OMG, this is the bane of my existence, only here it's not so much about one-upping as it is CORRECTING each other. Gah.

I would suggest you look VERY hard at yourself and your wife. When you pay attention, it's sometimes SHOCKING how much negative feedback or correction we give our kids.

But yeah, I agree with the other stuff. Just be consistent and try to keep pointing it out when they do it.

One thing I tried once is for one weekend, all three of us had to write down any time one of us criticized or corrected another person. Then we talked about how there are times when correcting is good and necessary (constructively) and times where it isn't.

Not sure it magically fixed anything, but I think it helped increase awareness of how much they were doing it.

Good luck!

 

[NancyM]

awwww I hate that stuff. But I know my sisters boys use to do it too. And they did grow out of it. My sister had to stay on DS1 constantly.

 

[IADad]

OMG, this is the bane of my existence, only here it's not so much about one-upping as it is CORRECTING each other. Gah.

I would suggest you look VERY hard at yourself and your wife. When you pay attention, it's sometimes SHOCKING how much negative feedback or correction we give our kids.

But yeah, I agree with the other stuff. Just be consistent and try to keep pointing it out when they do it.

One thing I tried once is for one weekend, all three of us had to write down any time one of us criticized or corrected another person. Then we talked about how there are times when correcting is good and necessary (constructively) and times where it isn't.

Not sure it magically fixed anything, but I think it helped increase awareness of how much they were doing it.

Good luck!

Good point, I do catch myself and DW with various negative behaviors and we try to remind each other to watch what we're projecting. Always good to remember to be aware of that.

As for correcting, I think that's very much this age. When I had a bunch of his classmates over for his birthday sleepove, it was remarkable how much they corrected each other, on tiny technicalities, and how much they'd jump on the sightest misstep in speech. I've already told DS1, "Okay, you do that stuff with your friends, I get it, that's how you get along, but you will not be doing it to your parents, your brother or any other adults, have some respect on consideration." I think it's made some impression on how he deals with peers too, but I'm not on the bus or the playground, so who really knows?