A Navy SEAL's Guide To Fatherhood...

[eric@sealguide]

Hello,

I'm new to this forum. I just wanted to introduce my self. My name is Eric, and I'm a father of four. 2 from a previous marriage plus 2 from this one.

I'm currently wrapping up my book " A Navy SEAL's Guide To Fatherhood". Of course the title may change as we wrap up, but I think you get the point. I's not so much a how to book, so much as it is a life book for parents. I have learned so much, during my time as a SEAL instructor, that has helped me as a parent I wanted to pass on the information.

Anyways I wanted to become part of a parenting forum to learn more about what people were dealing with or worried about.

I look forward to talking more.

 

[jtee]

Welcome, How has your time as SEAL instructor influenced you as parent?

 

[eric@sealguide]

There are many ways my time as an instructor has influenced my role as a parent. I would have to say the two most powerful ways it has affected me is in my mindset towards parenting, and discipline.

The SEAL's look at every conflict as a potential fight to the finish. This may sound a bit extreme but in reality it creates a habit of really grounding situations as to what they really are "parent on purpose". I feel a lot of parents suffer because they take so long to deal with the real problem at hand.

When it comes to discipline I have also noticed a lot of parents don't truly understand it. They think it's a method of punishing their children when they have done something wrong. Unfortunately they really end up relying on tradition they learned from their parents, or just pure emotion. What people need to realize is that discipline is a method of modifying behavior to produce a desired result, and prepare one for a future event. With out getting too long winded here I will leave it at this. Most people don't really have the discipline themselves so they get frustrated when they can't teach their children discipline.

My claim here is not to know it all, and my intent is not to bash anyones parenting technique. I have a great deal of passion surrounding this subject because I do truly believe that parents suffer more than they should. I truly enjoy all four of my kids everyday. There is no need for all the stress that people put themselves through. Parents should be living happy, healthy lives setting an example for their children to follow. I think we can all do a better job of it if we do it on purpose.

I look forward to learning a lot more here. Thanks for the inquiry.

Eric

 

[Kaytee]

welcome Eric. Iwould love to hear more about your parenting styles as we get to know you!

 

[musicmom]

Welcome. I personally like alot of the stress!! I look at the long term goal as well when raising my children. I am building them to go into the world and be an asset to society and contribute kindly while they are on earth. Hopefully what I teach will be passed down to their children.
I'd be interested in hearing your views on parenting. I'm glad that you already understand we all parent different mainly because children are all different. One thing in specific doesn't work for everyone.

 

[eric@sealguide]

I was in Africa doing a free fall jump (HALO). I back flipped out of the plane, and someone video taped it. I was showing it to a friend and she commented how much I must have liked adrenaline. I was kind of shocked, and I told her I hate the feeling of adrenaline because it only comes when I'm scared. She asked if I didn't get scared when jumping out of planes, and I told her no. I don't get scared not because I'm brave or tough. I don't get scared because I have been conditioned to do those things calmly so I can perform.

This is very similar to taking 4 kids to Disneyland with no stress. Yes it could be a stressful situation, but if you have conditioned your self not to be stressed you will find that you perform better. So as things go wrong you are not already in the red zone. You are ready to deal with them calmly.

My point to all of this is this. Do you think you enjoy the stress, or do you really enjoy mastering situations that would be considered stressful by most.

I know you were not looking for input, but your comment just got me thinking about how much more enjoyable trips to the grocery store could be for parents if they knew how to master the situation, and do it with out stress.

Thanks for listening.

Eric

 

[jtee]

Eric, you might enjoy (NFL head coach) Tony Dungy's Book: A quiet Strength.

He talks a lot of about his faith, but if that doesn't bother you and\or you connect with it, then it is a great book that contains similar concepts to what you have been talking about. One professional criticism some people have about his coaching style is that he doesn't ever freak out or lose his cool. His book explains his coaching style and why it works for him.

A significant part of the book is about being a father\parent and how his parenting\coaching style is pretty much the same thing.

 

[eric@sealguide]

I'll check it out, and I will absolutely connect with a faith based outlook.

I hope I haven't given off the impression that I don't ever loose my cool. I'm not quite there yet.

Thanks

 

[jtee]

Hey nobody is perfect. Dungy book has a few example of him loosing is cool, but he follows it up with why a short term gain comes back around to bite him in the ass.

 

[eric@sealguide]

I just went to his website, and wrote him requesting a meeting. Ya sounds crazy I know, but you always have to try.

Hopefully he checks his mail more often than Oprah, she still hasn't gotten back to me yet!

 

[Kaytee]

lol about Oprah, sorry!

Anyways i completely agree with you Eric. Sometimes I wonder why parents get so stressed out over things. Like I will ask my friend who has a 3 year old if she wants to take her kid and of course me and mine to the zoo? She like stresses at the idea of it. OMG take kids to the zoo? NEVER!!! And her kid is one of the most easy going 3 year olds out there. Rarely has a tantrum unless she is tired kinda kid.

 

[Kim]

lol about Oprah, sorry!

Anyways i completely agree with you Eric. Sometimes I wonder why parents get so stressed out over things. Like I will ask my friend who has a 3 year old if she wants to take her kid and of course me and mine to the zoo? She like stresses at the idea of it. OMG take kids to the zoo? NEVER!!! And her kid is one of the most easy going 3 year olds out there. Rarely has a tantrum unless she is tired kinda kid.

I know what you mean. I know people like that too.

 

[eric@sealguide]

It's sad that so many people miss out on the benefits of being active with their children. I don't know anyone who's life wouldn't be better if they would just get out be active, and do the things they love to do. What really scares me is when people claim to be sacrificing their health, and wellness for their kids. That is very short sighted.

The problem is as kids get older they will start to see their parents as lazy, out of shape, or worse boring. When it comes down to a choice between their friends, or their parents the friends will win. This can be very dangerous if the child is with the wrong group of friends.

I have always been extremely active with my kids and I can't tell you how well it's paid off now that I have a 15 year old daughter. When I feel like I need some more time with her or want the opportunity to teach her something I just ask her to go Back Packing, climbing, diving, whatever, and she is excited to go. She has enjoyed those things with me her entire life. It is in her nature to go do things with Dad. I'm glad I didn't wait to be her best friend.

 

[musicmom]

I think caution and stress go hand in hand. If I were to take my three children to Disney alone I would have stress. Not because of me or my children but knowing that there are peds out there and they wait for the opportunity for a "relaxed" parent.

Eric, there are SOOOO many parenting books out there. Is that what you are trying to do?
http://sarathacker.blogspot.com/2006/10/navy-seals.html
I guess this woman writes about the same principal. Sounds like a good way to me so far.

 

[musicmom]

I've been looking at your page Eric and I really like it. I totally agree with what you are saying. Good points of view.

 

[musicmom]

You have a pm Eric

 

[Kaytee]

I think caution and stress go hand in hand. If I were to take my three children to Disney alone I would have stress. Not because of me or my children but knowing that there are peds out there and they wait for the opportunity for a "relaxed" parent.

Eric, there are SOOOO many parenting books out there. Is that what you are trying to do?
http://sarathacker.blogspot.com/2006/10/navy-seals.html
I guess this woman writes about the same principal. Sounds like a good way to me so far.

peds are everywhere, there is a difference in being aware and being stressed about it. I am aware that Nichole can get lost when we go to Target, but I am not going to stress about it and freak out that every time she lets go of my hand she will disappear. yk?

 

[eric@sealguide]

You have a pm Eric

What's a PM? I hope it's good!

 

[Kim]

Private message. check upper right-hand corner of your screen

 

[eric@sealguide]

Oh I got it. I responded did you get it?