Hi. I am a 22 year old college girl who needs some advice about my dad. So here is the scenario. I asked my dad to buy me cough medicine because i need it and so he did. After a couple of hours, i decided to take it. My dad saw me and asked: "Did u read the instructions?" and i said to him sarcastically: "no, coz im stupid like that". Then we got into an argument obviously. I dont think this is normal and i dont think other parents are like this. I mean, why wouldnt i read the instructions like how many teaspoons. Its like asking me if im wearing panties today. Any advice?
A question about a question...
- Thread starter ryuo
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That's so petty, don't make such a big deal out of it. You've been his kid for how long now and you've never had a dumb argument like this one before? He asked you a stupid, condescending question (as parents are apt to do), and you responded in a snarky, sarcastic, disrespectful manner (as kids are apt to do). You were both at fault. You both need to apologize to each other and move on.
Is it normal that he asked you? Yes. Because you are his child, no matter how old you are.
Is it normal that he got mad because you were sarcastic? Absolutely.
Are you both "wrong"? Definately.
I agree with Xero, you both need to maybe apologize and move on.
Is it normal that he got mad because you were sarcastic? Absolutely.
Are you both "wrong"? Definately.
I agree with Xero, you both need to maybe apologize and move on.
I think that Xero has a point here, OP.Xero said:
This looks like a classic action-reaction feedback loop. If this kind of interaction happens often between you and your dad, then it's a pattern, and it's a good thing to identify it so you can arrange it.
If you want to change a pattern, the only place you can act on is yourself. For instance, if you respond in a gentle, open tone, with a smile, something like:
"Hey dad, it's okay! I know you care and that's why you asked me this... I appreciate your care! But I am also a bright person, so I do read the instructions, okay? No worries!" and you give him a kiss....
...then next time he sees you take medication, he will remember this and feel at peace that you indeed are mature and wise enough so he needs not lecture you about it.
By changing your own attitude, you can "train" your dad into no longer treating you like a child. See what I mean?
It's called transactional analysis.
Your dad: "Did you read the instructions?!" (Controlling parent to immature child = condescending)
You: "Duh of course I did!" (Rebellious child to controlling parent = lack of respect). The rebellious response is a direct consequence of his own communication, but his next communication will be a direct response of your current one.
You need to replace this with an adult-adult conversation, in order to break the pattern and improve your relationship with your father on the long term.
Hope this helps!
You bet that parents ask dumb questions...it's in our contract that we sign with God when you are born. Get used to it.
I am sure that in your 22 years you have done (and maybe continue to do) some dumb things and so, sometimes, it is a parents obligation to ask what may be perceived as a dumb question.
He will keep doing this and one day, you will do it to your children and perhaps they will respond as you did.
He will keep doing this and one day, you will do it to your children and perhaps they will respond as you did.
Unfortunately parents tend to do silly things, like worry about their kids even when it isn't necessary. That's just the way it is. Its hardwired into our brains. 
So I guess the best thing you can do is to just accept the stupid questions as a sign that he loves you, and cares about your well-being, and leave it at that. Your father is never going to stop being your dad, no matter how old you get.
Lol, the last time I saw my grandma (who stands in the place of a mother to me) before she passed away, she asked me if I was eating enough vegetables, and not eating too much sweets. I'm 39 - I stopped being her responsibility 21 yerars ago. I smiled and said yes grandma, I eat veggies every day
So I guess the best thing you can do is to just accept the stupid questions as a sign that he loves you, and cares about your well-being, and leave it at that. Your father is never going to stop being your dad, no matter how old you get.
Lol, the last time I saw my grandma (who stands in the place of a mother to me) before she passed away, she asked me if I was eating enough vegetables, and not eating too much sweets. I'm 39 - I stopped being her responsibility 21 yerars ago. I smiled and said yes grandma, I eat veggies every day
You need to take his 'stupid' questions as a sign of his love. I would be worried if he DIDN'T ask. Think about it.
you are a very literal person aren't you...?ryuo said:He did not ask how i took the meds
regardless of whether you've heard it or not it was posted as food for thought.
a suggestion here: consider looking outside yourself for a while, you might find it enlightening and useful., maybe.
Wish my parents were still buying my cold medicine when I was 22! I was not only buying my own medicine, but paying my own rent and bills, going to work everyday and coming home to take care of my son when I was done. Must be nice!
And yes its normal, my parents still do it. When I come to her house in the winter with a hoodie on she still says "Where is your coat?! Its way too cold out there for a hoodie".
And yes its normal, my parents still do it. When I come to her house in the winter with a hoodie on she still says "Where is your coat?! Its way too cold out there for a hoodie".
Another posible motive for the question...
As many cold medicines have Acetaminophen (active ingredient in Tylenol) and are at the maximum safe dosage in one shot already...and the time it stays in your system is often times not considered by people who are suffering discomfort...and that overdosages are too common and great harm to the liver occurs leading to death...(the American govt. recently demanded that the dosage of Acetaminophen be reduced in OTC drugs because of the number of accidental poisoning cases nationwide on a reoccurring basis)...
It was a simple matter of risk (to you) vs. cost (to him...rather have you get mad than have you possibly harmed)...so the cost vs. benefit (daughter safe) to him was worth it.
He loves you...his actions are one of concern and caring.
You attribute his caring actions to one of evil intent
(You think he attempts to control you and put you down with every verbal statement)...you are mentioning this case because you think it is an example of typical behavior from him...
Actually...besides you owing the apology...by remembering that it is the person who doesn't say anything where you could suffer should he not...and does not... it is he who is not the friend but the fiend. When you realize this...your future actions will be moderated.
Two major reasons why a person would not say anything out of concern...
They have a secret desire to see you fail. They don't want to be left behind...as a crab in a bucket will pull down the ones trying to get out (not to say the crabs have any such intent)...they falsely believe that by keeping others down...it is the same as they rising above. Success is relative to the others in their small group (in their mind)....so long as they aren't left behind (envy)...they are fine. Of course...they would love to leave all others behind...but that would involve too much effort...it is easy to sabotage others...even if by simple in-action (they can always claim innocence).
They are parasitic in nature...
They would rather not have you mad at them because they are in essence...good time Charlies. They wish to reap momentary enjoyment by sharing good times with you...because of how it makes them feel. Their motive is getting from you without risk of their losing anything....even to your detriment.
You freely show disrespect to your Father because you know he will love you...no matter what.
In your defense...you are inexperienced. Your Father also realizes this. This coupled with his love for you...is the reason he just doesn't have you move to your own place (as I am quite sure your "friends" would).
In short...you seek support of the unsupportable.
As many cold medicines have Acetaminophen (active ingredient in Tylenol) and are at the maximum safe dosage in one shot already...and the time it stays in your system is often times not considered by people who are suffering discomfort...and that overdosages are too common and great harm to the liver occurs leading to death...(the American govt. recently demanded that the dosage of Acetaminophen be reduced in OTC drugs because of the number of accidental poisoning cases nationwide on a reoccurring basis)...
It was a simple matter of risk (to you) vs. cost (to him...rather have you get mad than have you possibly harmed)...so the cost vs. benefit (daughter safe) to him was worth it.
He loves you...his actions are one of concern and caring.
You attribute his caring actions to one of evil intent
(You think he attempts to control you and put you down with every verbal statement)...you are mentioning this case because you think it is an example of typical behavior from him...
Actually...besides you owing the apology...by remembering that it is the person who doesn't say anything where you could suffer should he not...and does not... it is he who is not the friend but the fiend. When you realize this...your future actions will be moderated.
Two major reasons why a person would not say anything out of concern...
They have a secret desire to see you fail. They don't want to be left behind...as a crab in a bucket will pull down the ones trying to get out (not to say the crabs have any such intent)...they falsely believe that by keeping others down...it is the same as they rising above. Success is relative to the others in their small group (in their mind)....so long as they aren't left behind (envy)...they are fine. Of course...they would love to leave all others behind...but that would involve too much effort...it is easy to sabotage others...even if by simple in-action (they can always claim innocence).
They are parasitic in nature...
They would rather not have you mad at them because they are in essence...good time Charlies. They wish to reap momentary enjoyment by sharing good times with you...because of how it makes them feel. Their motive is getting from you without risk of their losing anything....even to your detriment.
You freely show disrespect to your Father because you know he will love you...no matter what.
In your defense...you are inexperienced. Your Father also realizes this. This coupled with his love for you...is the reason he just doesn't have you move to your own place (as I am quite sure your "friends" would).
In short...you seek support of the unsupportable.
Good point, but I believe that unfortunately the OP left when she didn't get the answer she wanted...Shiroi Tora said:
Too bad. However...it is in her nature to check back every so often...just in case she were to get some sort of validation.
Hopefully she will read my reply and take it to heart. She will otherwise have to learn by doing wrong and getting stung.
Hopefully she will read my reply and take it to heart. She will otherwise have to learn by doing wrong and getting stung.
I'm going to disagree with a lot of people here. Your father was not wrong to ask you that. Maybe it was not necessary, but it was not wrong. He does not need to apologize. And the fact that you think he is in the wrong here makes me wonder if you are for real. Are you really serious that you think this is not normal?
If you are for real, I think you are having "misdirected anger." You are really ticked off because you feel impotent as you are 22 and still living at home and having your parents buy you things. Maybe that's why your dad still thinks you are incapable of taking care of yourself . . . because you are.
People state the obvious all the time. People ask unnecessary questions all the time. If you are so mean-spirited and ill-mannered to answer in such a rude and immature way, good luck to you.
If you are for real, I think you are having "misdirected anger." You are really ticked off because you feel impotent as you are 22 and still living at home and having your parents buy you things. Maybe that's why your dad still thinks you are incapable of taking care of yourself . . . because you are.
People state the obvious all the time. People ask unnecessary questions all the time. If you are so mean-spirited and ill-mannered to answer in such a rude and immature way, good luck to you.
I have to agree with you MomoJA on your first point. Father was not wrong to ask and her response was disrespectful and rude.
I suspect however that she may be quite capable of taking care of herself. She either chooses not to or stays at home with Dad while at school or due to the current economic downturn. Assuming she can't absolves her of responsibility for her choices.
I suspect however that she may be quite capable of taking care of herself. She either chooses not to or stays at home with Dad while at school or due to the current economic downturn. Assuming she can't absolves her of responsibility for her choices.
I agree with Xero's post right after the OP. I'm 35 and if I answsered the same way you did, I'd have an unpleasant fight on my hands. My parents worry. I may not like it at times, but until I can see the world through their eyes, I just need to put up with it. Just...somehow...learn to grow a thicker skin. I have the same problem of needing a thicker skin at times, but it helps to learn that skill.ryuo said: