Ack!!!...

FooserX · Feb 10, 2009

<r><s></s>I knew this would happen someday.<e></e><e>[/SIZE]</SIZE></e></SIZE><e>[/FONT]</e> 
<s></s> <e></e><e>[/SIZE]</SIZE></e></SIZE><e>[/FONT]</e> 
<s></s> <e></e><e>[/SIZE]</SIZE></e></SIZE><e>[/FONT]</e> 
<s></s>Okay…so short version is I was married for 2 years, and for those 2 years I was step dad to her son who was 2 or so…and I grew to love him as my own son, and I was all he knew as dad. He is 5 now. Real dad is out of the picture. The divorce was nasty, and the second she stopped getting money, she stopped letting me see my son. It was for the best I guess because she was always manipulating him to hurt me and stuff. She was cheating on me with someone when it all went down.<e></e><e>[/SIZE]</SIZE></e></SIZE><e>[/FONT]</e> 
<s></s> <e></e><e>[/SIZE]</SIZE></e></SIZE><e>[/FONT]</e> 
<s></s>Anyway…our divorce was final 8 months ago, and today she emails me that my son misses me, and can I see him?<e></e><e>[/SIZE]</SIZE></e></SIZE><e>[/FONT]</e> 
<s></s> <e></e><e>[/SIZE]</SIZE></e></SIZE><e>[/FONT]</e> 
<s></s>What do you think?<e></e><e>[/SIZE]</SIZE></e></SIZE><e>[/FONT]</e> 
<s></s> <e></e><e>[/SIZE]</SIZE></e></SIZE><e>[/FONT]</e> 
<s></s>I think: <e></e><e>[/SIZE]</SIZE></e></SIZE><e>[/FONT]</e> 
<s></s> <e></e><e>[/SIZE]</SIZE></e></SIZE><e>[/FONT]</e> 
<s></s>Why now? Surely after the divorce he would have been asking about me….after 8 months, wouldn’t he get used to his new life?<e></e><e>[/SIZE]</SIZE></e></SIZE><e>[/FONT]</e> 
<s></s>Her boyfriend dumped her lying cheating self and now she’s all alone again.<e></e><e>[/SIZE]</SIZE></e></SIZE><e>[/FONT]</e> 
<s></s> <e></e><e>[/SIZE]</SIZE></e></SIZE><e>[/FONT]</e> 
<s></s> Has this happened to anyone? Asides from my own feelings being hurt all over again if I decide to be a part of his life just to have him ripped from me again…does this negatively impact my son at all? I don’t want him to hate me when it’s really all up to her when he sees me.I don't want to put my own selfish needs to see him above his.<e></e><e>[/SIZE]</SIZE></e></SIZE><e>[/FONT]</e> 
<s></s><e></e><e>[/SIZE]</SIZE></e></SIZE><e>[/FONT]</e> 
<s></s>Thanks!<e></e><e>[/SIZE]</SIZE></e></SIZE><e>[/FONT]</e> 
<s></s><e></e><e>[/SIZE]</SIZE></e></SIZE><e>[/FONT]</e> 
<s></s>X<e></e><e>[/SIZE]</SIZE></e></SIZE><e>[/FONT]</e> 
<s></s> <e></e><e>[/SIZE]</SIZE></e></SIZE><e>[/FONT]</e></r>

Dadu2004 · Feb 10, 2009

Wow bud, that's tough. Personally, as hard as it is, I wouldn't get back in his life. Clearly his mother has alot of personal issues and I would hate to see you back in his life for a couple months then her rip him away from you again. It may end up hurting him immensely in the long run.

fallon · Feb 10, 2009

hmmm...tough. Personally I think you're right and she got dumped and is now trying to find away back into your life. You need to follow your heart on this one but if it were me I think I'd have to stay out of the picture

fallon · Feb 10, 2009

what about adopting him? If she wants you to be his daddy would she allow that to happen?

bssage · Feb 10, 2009

I agree with dadu

FooserX · Feb 10, 2009

Yeah.

I am going to see a counselor about it this week to see what a professional has to say on the matter. I'd like to know how this can impact the kid.

Omg, you're pregnant again, Fallon!!

Congrats!!

meow_173 · Feb 10, 2009

I knew this would happen someday.[/SIZE]</SIZE>[/FONT]

Okay…so short version is I was married for 2 years, and for those 2 years I was step dad to her son who was 2 or so…and I grew to love him as my own son, and I was all he knew as dad. He is 5 now. Real dad is out of the picture. The divorce was nasty, and the second she stopped getting money, she stopped letting me see my son. It was for the best I guess because she was always manipulating him to hurt me and stuff. She was cheating on me with someone when it all went down.[/SIZE]</SIZE>[/FONT]

Anyway…our divorce was final 8 months ago, and today she emails me that my son misses me, and can I see him?[/SIZE]</SIZE>[/FONT]

What do you think?[/SIZE]</SIZE>[/FONT]

I think: [/SIZE]</SIZE>[/FONT]

Why now? Surely after the divorce he would have been asking about me….after 8 months, wouldn’t he get used to his new life?[/SIZE]</SIZE>[/FONT]
Her boyfriend dumped her lying cheating self and now she’s all alone again.[/SIZE]</SIZE>[/FONT]

Has this happened to anyone? Asides from my own feelings being hurt all over again if I decide to be a part of his life just to have him ripped from me again…does this negatively impact my son at all? I don’t want him to hate me when it’s really all up to her when he sees me.I don't want to put my own selfish needs to see him above his.[/SIZE]</SIZE>[/FONT]

Thanks![/SIZE]</SIZE>[/FONT]

X[/SIZE]</SIZE>[/FONT]
[/quote]

Wow...IMO, as much as you love her son, this may just be another ploy to hurt you and she's using her son as a pon. I only say this because of prior knowledge to the situation. She knows you wanted to see him before she told you no, and now all of a sudden 8 months later its ok? I understand how you feel for him, but she is not only hurting you, she is hurting her son.
She didn't let you see him before, and now she wants you back into his life? thats the worst thing possible, especially seeing you were just starting to get back into the swing of things.
The Drama that is going to start piling up if this progresses will only cause you more stress and agony. Honestly, if he misses you now, he missed you then, and SHE used him then and she's USING him now.
The call is yours foos, but i don't think there is any silver lining to this situation.

Xero · Feb 10, 2009

Fallon - Guys like Foos have to be careful with adoption when it involves a girl like that, because all that does is give her the right to charge him child support for a kid he didn't maker her have. I've seen it happen, it's a pathetic thing to do to someone but people do. Money is everything.

I'm sorry Foos, that sounds really hard. Honestly as hard as it would be to stay away for me, I would probably try to if I were you.

Its sad too, because I'm sure it would be nice for you and him to see each other, if only she and her manipulating ways were out of the picture. She's probably just trying to get to you. I wouldn't do it unless there was some kind of surefire proof she couldn't ever turn it around on you guys again. It's sad the way some people are. Sorry you have to make such a tough decision, good luck.

fallon · Feb 10, 2009

FooserX said:
Omg, you're pregnant again, Fallon!!

Congrats!!

thanks, I miss you

Nikita · Feb 10, 2009

Definitely a tough situation. It does seem like a ploy from the mother and I, too, worry about your son being taken away from you again. But (and this won't make your decision any easier) what if your son really is asking to see you? I would think it would hurt him more if you refuse to see him.

fallon · Feb 11, 2009

what if your son really is asking to see you? I would think it would hurt him more if you refuse to see him.

I had the same thought

FooserX · Feb 12, 2009

<r><s></s>So I talked to a counselor today (boy, it’s nice to get a professional’s take on the matter as opposed to internet people)…<e></e> 
<s></s> <e></e> 
<s></s>And here’s kinda what she said.<e></e> 
<s></s> <e></e> 
<s></s>I need to talk with Bradley’s therapist (my ex said he’s in therapy because he’s been acting up since I left) to find out where he’s at emotionally, and how strong of a bond he has for me. If it’s strong, maybe I could stay in his life in 2 ways – as an uncle, or as a dad (I would have to adopt though so she couldn’t steal him from me again).<e></e> 
<s></s>I need to talk with the ex to see why she hasn’t let him see me for 8 months, and why now. Feel her out some to see if she’s just manipulating things, etc.<e></e> 
<s></s>It might be that he just never got a “real” goodbye from me, so he’s just needing that. She took him away so fast that maybe he needs some more closure of some kind.<e></e> 
<s></s> <e></e> 
<s></s>So I don’t know…I guess I can’t do much until I talk with his counselor. Maybe he’s fine, and it was just her manipulating me. Who knows…and who knows what she’s told him about me all this time.<e></e> 
<s></s> <e></e> 
<s></s>It blows. I have a nice new life now and I feel like this is just going to bring more pain.<e></e></r>

meow_173 · Feb 13, 2009

Well i'm glad that you talked to someone professional, and i really hope you don't get jerked around.

fallon · Feb 13, 2009

meow_173 said:
Well i'm glad that you talked to someone professional, and i really hope you don't get jerked around.

me too, you deserve much better

FooserX · Mar 4, 2009

Well I told my ex wife that I don't think it would be a good idea to come back into his life after eight months of her not letting me see him...and her response was "ok, I'm going to tell Bradley you don't want to see him - it's going to break his heart."

lol!

Geez!

She's just vile!

Then I come back from lunch, and she put a new picture of him on my desk. Nice.

She won't let me talk to his therapist...she wouldn't let me say good bye to him, wouldn't let me see him for 8 months, and now she's making me out to be this horrible dad who won't spend time with his son. Yuck.

I definitely miss him, but she's still the same ol same old...mean and manipulative...hard decision.

X

meow_173 · Mar 4, 2009

FooserX said:
Well I told my ex wife that I don't think it would be a good idea to come back into his life after eight months of her not letting me see him...and her response was "ok, I'm going to tell Bradley you don't want to see him - it's going to break his heart."

lol!

Geez!

She's just vile!

Then I come back from lunch, and she put a new picture of him on my desk. Nice.

She won't let me talk to his therapist...she wouldn't let me say good bye to him, wouldn't let me see him for 8 months, and now she's making me out to be this horrible dad who won't spend time with his son. Yuck.

I definitely miss him, but she's still the same ol same old...mean and manipulative...hard decision.

X

OMG! honestly, i would love to slap her silly right now

fallon · Mar 4, 2009

meow_173 said:
OMG! honestly, i would love to slap her silly right now

me too, she's a total monster. I hate to see a child used like this

16th ave. · Mar 4, 2009

FooserX said:
Well I told my ex wife that I don't think it would be a good idea to come back into his life after eight months of her not letting me see him...and her response was "ok, I'm going to tell Bradley you don't want to see him - it's going to break his heart."

lol!

Geez!

She's just vile!

Then I come back from lunch, and she put a new picture of him on my desk. Nice.

She won't let me talk to his therapist...she wouldn't let me say good bye to him, wouldn't let me see him for 8 months, and now she's making me out to be this horrible dad who won't spend time with his son. Yuck.

I definitely miss him, but she's still the same ol same old...mean and manipulative...hard decision.

X

from the sound of this it sounds like she's after something and only willing to allow you to see the boy to get whatever it is she wants....
i'd do as you've said ya done in one of the other posts, stear clear of the whole thing as best as possible...

Aunt · Mar 5, 2009

Hey good 2 see you. Ouch. This is a tricky one. Personally I would fight to be in this kid's life. If that is not possible I would write him a letter expalining how you came to be out of the picture & send it but keep a copy. This way should you one day have an angry young man on your doorstep asking why you abandoned him you will have an explaination & proof.
But I honestly don't know. I guess if you know you are being manipulated you can at least make decisions with your eyes open. What you need to consider is the best interests of the boy. Good luck

meow_173 · Mar 5, 2009

Aunt said:
Personally I would fight to be in this kid's life.

To be perfectly honest, i think that would be fighting a lost cause. This woman has jerked him around so much who's to say there was anyting wrong with his son in the first place.
She manipulated him when they were together, and now 8 months out of the blue she's starting crap again. Why? Probably because she is bored. Or her new hubby is out of the picture.

Ack!!!...

PF Addict

PF Visionary

Super Moderator

Super Moderator

Super Moderator

PF Addict

PF Addict

PF Deity

Super Moderator

PF Fanatic

Super Moderator

PF Addict

PF Addict

Super Moderator

PF Addict

PF Addict

Super Moderator

PF Addict

PF Fanatic

PF Addict