Adopting Step Child/ren...

[momandmore]

Has anyone here done this?
DH had court this morning for C/S and it was brought up to him by the attorney that he had grounds for me to file to adopt. BM, like usual, didn't show up. They had court without her. I know BM will not let this happen willingly. The sad thing is, it isn't about the children to her. BM has seen SD's 5 times in the last 13 months and 3 of those times were for 3-3 1/2 hours only.
DH's attorney has brought this up before, it was to early to act but wanted us to know it was a possibility to consider.

 

[Xero]

I haven't done it myself, but I have known people that did. I hope that you are able to, and asap, those kids deserve it I think.

 

[mom2many]

She has to abandon them in in order for a court to take her rights away. We couldn't do it because the birth mom payed her child support, sporadically, but she did make payments even though in the 15 plus years that I have raised them she has has no, none, zero interaction with them.

They are legal adults now so we've been discussing it. We don't need her signature to do it.

 

[momandmore]

Thanks Ladies and mom2many I'm sorry you had to go through that. I bet it was tough at times.
I know the abandonment it a factor in most cases. The court is looking at it from a different aspect, I guess.
We weren't supposed to be able to change the court order for at least a year after the first one was put in place and that happened after close to 7 months. That was when BM lost her EOWE and was ordered supervised visitation and to call SD's 2 times a week at designated times. BM didn't even show up to this court date. But in my documentation, I had proof that she knew they had court B/C she found out before we did when the date was and told DH about it over the phone. I was also granted legal guardian at this hearing.
BM showed up for the first visit and none since then. That was on August 3rd. BM calls more during the day to threaten and harass than she calls on her designated phone time to talk to SD's.
When BM does call, She constantly hangs up on 7yo SD. BM tells SD she feels sorry for her and not meaning it in a good way. BM will talk to 5yo SD until SD is ready to get off of the phone and just hang up on 7yo SD. it's sickening.
It is illegal in my state (Indiana) to record phone conversations between children and a parent. The judge knows I do this but not for court purposes. It is strictly for their main therapist to see how they are treated so differently, and what approach to take with it.
BM has shown up to court 3 out of 7 times. The initial and final hearing for divorce, BM's talked about material items she wanted.. SD's not included, but she wanted things that belonged to SD's. Real piece of work.
DH went to court (prosecutor's office) and BM didn't show up. She has left numerous VM's about suing the attorney and the judge. So she knew she was to be there, The judge did come down, looked at some notes and told the prosecutor and attorneys to come up with whatever and he would sign it and left the room.
The prosecutor, DH's attorney and the attorney that was there to represent BM all talked to DH about me adopting.
The only issue is, I know BM will not go along with this willingly. The judge could still grant it though. BM barely calls to talk to SD's and when she does she wants to know about things that go on here. If they are talking about something that they are excited about, it is totally disregarded.
I spoke wit the attorney Friday afternoon and he said if BM is willing to do it, it would be an easy process. I know it will take longer and more money since she won't be willing but the judge could look at the facts and terminate her rights without her consent for the emotional abuse, and just playing like she wants to have something to do with them.
There are a lot of things I haven't mentioned on here about the way things have been and are just getting worse when it comes to BM. I bet most would think it was MUD. (No pre-judgement intended... I know if I was reading part of my documentation of a forum I would be thinking Jerry Springer and MUD as it has been a very crazy 13-14 months)
There are just so many facts to consider and I am more than willing to do it. I just don't want to jump into something that without knowing everything that needs to be considered.
A part of me still wants to feel sorry for BM but then I immediately think of what all she has said and done (and lack thereof) to and for SD's and my mind immediately changes. She has done this to herself. I even tried to help her.

 

[momandmore]

@Xero I'm glad you have some friends with a happy ending (= and Thank you. They do deserve someone to actually care for them and about them. Not a pretender when it's convenient for her to do so.

 

[mom2many]

My kids mom didn't even bother showing up for the first case hearing, she lived out of state so not a surprise but the judge was highly annoyed when she didn't even attempt to write a letter.

We live in a joint custody state, it's dang near impossible to get anything else. We (my husband really) got sole physical custody, she got no visitation, but was allowed two phone calls a week. We kept our phone number the same, paid on a line we did not use for over ten years, and not once did she call. She did a few times before the hearing but that was to tell me what a bad person my husband was/is and how abusive he was blah, blah, blah.

What you don't know, and many here already do is that my 'step' children are the product of my husbands affair, and our separation. She was always pissed at me, for what? The hell if I know, she was the one sleeping with a married man (we had kids together), but I'd have never stopped her from a relationship with them. So I understand your feeling where BM is concerned, you are coming at it from a mothers perspective, and how it would feel if someone did that to you. However, there comes a point where you (general you) just have to say enough.

So if you are still insure then hold back, give it a little more time. You'll know in your heart when the right time is.

Oh and there are plenty of stories just like yours my kids would (they don't really remember any of it now) tell very similar to your step kids BM.

 

[momandmore]

Mom2Many, I didn't mean to bring up the dreadful past. It appears that you have a happy family though! I guess you gotta take the good with the bad and I bet the kids are very happy with you. Even if they weren't "officially" yours, they are yours and they know who loves them (=

Something that only a couple of ppl know about my situation (DH and I) All 5 of my SK's are not biologically DH's. The kids don't know this. Well, one of them, potentially could be his but it's hard to tell, it could be his cousin's. It doesn't matter, we love them all the same. And he would never deny any of them. And will fight for them as long as he needs to. I actually didn't even know this until a few weeks before he proposed. He was scared to tell me out of fear that I would think he was stupid for raising other people's kids. It just made me love and respect him that much more.
ETA: Yes.. it is the mom in me that wanted to feel sorry for her and for that very reason but they really would be better off without her and her BS. I am done feeling sorry for her. She has done this. I want to start the process ASAP and it will probably take a long time and a lot of money as I know she won't comply but I will just continue what I have been doing. She won't have a choice unless she steps up. The judge is fed up and he will have the counseling reports. He can terminate her rights without her consent as long as I can adopt them.