Adult son living at home...

[bill1971]

He is turning 26 this year and does contribute to the household but we discovered recently that he has been lying about paying what he is supposed to pay. As part of the deal of living home he has to pay rent. Instead of paying us directly he was just going to pay the storage units we have.

A few months ago we found out he wasn't paying and almost had our stuff auctioned off. He said he will get back on track and just because I was skeptical called one of the storage units, found out he never did make a payment and another one is a few months behind.

I think the only solution I can think of is to have him pay us directly and then we pay the storage. The problem is we are so far behind and did not budget for this large cost.

Every month I have to remind him to pay his portion of the phone bill, a few times it has caused the account to be late.

Recently he added his car to our insurance, which means we have to collect money from him every month, which at this point I'm not too optimistic about.

I should say I am the step dad, so I have never been a good disciplinary figure which may explain some of this. His mother is very stern with him and loving and has spoken to him too many times to count, but I don't know how to get him to stop.

 

[mom2many]

He pays you X amount every month on a certain date and if he doesn't do that he can find somewhere else to live. He's 26, not 18.

 

[artmom]

You may be step-dad, but that doesn't mean you step back from parenting. This is also your house and you have just as much say.

You are not just a parent anymore, you are now a landlord and landlords evict those who refuse to pay rent.
How did his car end up on your insurance? You need to remove his car from there.
He is old enough to move out on his own. Let him couch surf, stay at shelters, wherever.
His mom is enabling and you need to ask yourselves how long you're going to tolerate him living at home like this. He could still be there at 36 given the cushy life you're allowing him to have.

 

[TabascoNatalie]

Having him live at a shelter while you have an empty room won't exactly pay your bills.
I assume he works, right? Which day does he get paid? Collect the money that very same day before he spends it.

 

[artmom]

Having him live at a shelter while you have an empty room won't exactly pay your bills.
I assume he works, right? Which day does he get paid? Collect the money that very same day before he spends it.

I think the problem they're having is collecting the money.

 

[bill1971]

He said he is going to now take care of it. He paid the past due amount. Thanks for all the advice, I hope I wont have to post again.

 

[Renesme]

Hope he does.

 

[bill1971]

I would be surprised if he is out by 30. This morning I tried to call and text him to see if he could take care of the dogs. He never responded. I even said if I don't hear back from you I will have to go home at lunch, a 40 minute round trip. Still no response.

I really want him off the phone plan but the problem is he has to agree to it to move his number to another plan for a port out.

Since he lost his car his mom has to now give him a ride back and forth to work. I found someone at work who is willing to sell him a car. I havent heard a thank you or anything from him.

I am not a hateful person but I am feeling very used by him.

 

[artmom]

How long are you willing to put up with this, you need to ask yourself. In my opinion this can't go on any longer.

 

[Vdad]

Bill, the solution is for all of you to come up with a life plan for him, which obviously involves his planful departure from your home. Forget about the money, it's a distraction.

I've always found the idea of adult children returning home and paying rent to miss the point: Paying you rent prevents them from saving the money to finally move out, which is the goal when they move home as adults.

I'd suggest you pay the storage..it cannot be that much anyways....and work with him on the much more important plan of launching him successfully into adulthood. Don't get distracted by something that's typically experienced as a control struggle or dominance thing, by allowing him to return home you've basically ceded that point anyways.

 

[bill1971]

Vlad, we didn't allow him to return home, he never left. Now it looks like he is going to have to leave anyhow. He decided to get a dog that is part pit(great dog, very sweet) anyhow we found out our apartment complex doesn't allow them so either the dog goes or he and dog goes. Having 2 dogs myself I understand not wanting to give him up.

The sad thing is the daughter just left a few weeks ago because she was tired of sharing the room with him and the dog chewing her things up. She could have stayed until she gets married in a little over a year and he could have left.

It's good for him to leave anyhow, he will learn that the consequences will fall on him now instead of me and his mom.

Financially it will be a sting though.