Advice about a 25yo? Really?...

[PandoraSpocks]

I just noticed that this catagory is 18 - 25. Does that mean that some parents are wanting advice on how to deal with issues with their children ages 18 to 25? I was 25 when my first child was born. My mother would have had absolutely no place asking for advice about me on a parenting forum.

I may have misinterpreted this, and it's very possible that I have. I have AS and while very well adjusted and only diagnosed with it in my 40's I am aware that at times I take things very literally.

So, I guess I'll ask if this is a place for those of us with kids in that age group (my oldest is 23) to talk about adjusting to the fact that they are grown, we are getting older, we have absolutely no say so over their lives anymore, etc, or are people thinking that 18 - 25 yo's need to still be being raised, etc?

ETA; Also, I would think that "young adult" would be something like 16-19 or something. Once you are able to sign up and go to a foreign country and killed, I'd imagine you are pretty much a full fledged adult. That happens at 18.

 

[cybele]

Well, given that my mother in law still very much cares for 40yr old son (aka, my husband) and still wants to do what is best for him, I don't think there is an age limit on "raising" someone.

But then, I also believe that as long as my grandmother will live, she will always have a hand in "raising" me, and I am 42.

You don't stop learning and growing once you hit 18, and you don't stop caring and wanting to help once your child hits 18.

But yes, I assume the section is for discussion on anything to do with children who fall within that age category. From "What is Bob doing? Why is he doing this?" to "Guess what Mary bought her first house".

 

[Xero]

I don't really see the point in the negative tone, not even sure who you're directing this at considering none of us actually created this forum. Anyway, my opinion is that you don't stop being a parent once your child turns a certain age. You always continue to love and care about them, and sometimes you might need advice about how to get along with them, communicate with them, agree with them and have a good adult relationship with them etc. Some people have issues with their adult children that still live at home, looking for help on how to get them to become more responsible and get out on their own, get a job, do well in college etc. Perhaps an adult child has a drug problem and a parent is looking for advice on how to help them through it. Things like that. It's not hard for me at all to come up with parenting issues dealing with this age.

 

[PandoraSpocks]

There was no negative tone. I actually said I may have misinterpreted it and asked if that was the case. Because of my AS, I do that sometimes. Mostly, I don't but sometimes I do, that's why I asked.

Yes, to me my 23 yo is still very much "my child". I will always think of him that way. I was simply asking, because I'm new here, if the main school of thought on this forum was that up until 25 they were considered children and you were still "in charge" of them. From some of the posts I gathered that some parents would probably be doing that but from most of the posts I gathered that the rest wouldn't.

I was simply asking. There was no tone implied, although it might have been percieved, and if so, please know that I didn't mean it that way.

 

[bssage]

No they are not always "Children".

But we will always their "parents".
And they will always be "our": "children".

 

[NancyM]

I just noticed that this catagory is 18 - 25. Does that mean that some parents are wanting advice on how to deal with issues with their children ages 18 to 25? I was 25 when my first child was born. My mother would have had absolutely no place asking for advice about me on a parenting forum.

I may have misinterpreted this, and it's very possible that I have. I have AS and while very well adjusted and only diagnosed with it in my 40's I am aware that at times I take things very literally.

So, I guess I'll ask if this is a place for those of us with kids in that age group (my oldest is 23) to talk about adjusting to the fact that they are grown, we are getting older, we have absolutely no say so over their lives anymore, etc, or are people thinking that 18 - 25 yo's need to still be being raised, etc?

ETA; Also, I would think that "young adult" would be something like 16-19 or something. Once you are able to sign up and go to a foreign country and killed, I'd imagine you are pretty much a full fledged adult. That happens at 18.

Really? 18 only makes you an adult legally, it doesn't always turn you an into an adult emotionally. My son is 21 and still lives with us, which I don't have a problem with. Of course he's a growing person, but there are still times when I have no idea where he's coming from, and would like to talk with other parents who have a similar experience or have been through the same kinds of things I'm experiencing.

I still give my son my opinion, as my parents did with me at that age, he doesn't always like it, I can't make him do as I say, but I will always look out for his best interest, and if I feel the need, I will let him know what I think.

I appreciate a forum where I can go to just to run something past everyone and see what others think or can advise. Why not?

 

[Xero]

There was no negative tone. I actually said I may have misinterpreted it and asked if that was the case. Because of my AS, I do that sometimes. Mostly, I don't but sometimes I do, that's why I asked.

Yes, to me my 23 yo is still very much "my child". I will always think of him that way. I was simply asking, because I'm new here, if the main school of thought on this forum was that up until 25 they were considered children and you were still "in charge" of them. From some of the posts I gathered that some parents would probably be doing that but from most of the posts I gathered that the rest wouldn't.

I was simply asking. There was no tone implied, although it might have been percieved, and if so, please know that I didn't mean it that way.

Okay, I misunderstood your tone then. Just a friendly suggestion that you may want to consider that it did *look* negative from an outside perspective, though. No big deal either way, I'm not offended, I was just confused. Really there's no specific definition for any one of the categories on the forum. They are most likely understood differently by each person making use of them, they are here to help and that is all. There is no "main school of thought" on this forum, we are all very different people with very different views and opinions and different lives etc. I'm sure it's possible that some people who come here think they are in "charge" of their older children, who knows. I doubt that's the general consensus though. I'm sorry, I'm sure I could google it, but what is AS exactly?

 

[Mom2all]

I'm not sure if at 18-25 our children solicit our advice as often as we'd like, but as parents we are always looking for ways to help them in our role as a parent.. as ever changing as that role is. My oldest is 22. She is a good person. I don't often worry about her like I have the others and yet, sometimes at night I find myself talking with my honey about how we can approach things I'm concerned about with her. At 22, she can do what ever she wants without my permission. But, for instance, when she mentioned getting student loans... I was terrified for her. I felt like it was a huge mistake she could be paying for for 30 years. Talking it over with other people.. getting my facts in order.. approaching her based on concern.. we found her grants and other means of paying for school. She's still getting an education.. I'm glad she won't be paying more for it than I am our mortgage.

My job as a parent I don't think ever will end. How I approach it changes.
I see this because my Dad still finds a way to sneak a lesson in there for me from time to time and I watch my Grandma still try and get him to stopped cursing and go to church. If there was a 60-70 year old child section, and Grandma could still see, she might very well be on here seeking advice.

 

[cybele]

Mom2all, if your grandmother were on here, then mine would be too

"My granddaughter does not tidy her house to my standards, I try to talk to her about it at least once a week, but she tells me it is fine. How do I get her to do more housework?"

 

[singledad]

Also, I would think that "young adult" would be something like 16-19 or something. Once you are able to sign up and go to a foreign country and killed, I'd imagine you are pretty much a full fledged adult. That happens at 18.

16 is not adult by any stretch of the imagination.

I also have my doubts about whether or not 18 year olds should be allowed into any military, but that is a different discussion.

 

[Cop2be]

It's basically a sub section for parents to talk about their "children" in that age range.
A lot of 18-25 year old still live with mom and dad and parents need advice on how to handle it and not handle it, parents have questions about their young adults and things going on in their lives out of the parents control...

Or for people like me who need a parental opinion on how to handle living with said parents.....

Fortunately for me I don't live at home anymore but still from time to time wonder how to get my mom to not say anything if she doesn't have something nice to say....

When I first came here I was 19 and was trying to navigate being 19 and my mom trying to give me an in bed lights out bedtime...a legit bedtime, whatever she was smoking then she should have shared and we probably would have gotten along so much better. Anyways I came to ask advice on how to get her to be less controlling. In the end it worked out, I stopped listening and it took a few years but moved out too.


It's a very broad subsection.

 

[Mom2all]

Mom2all, if your grandmother were on here, then mine would be too

"My granddaughter does not tidy her house to my standards, I try to talk to her about it at least once a week, but she tells me it is fine. How do I get her to do more housework?"

Yep.. Mine is concerned that my hair, (has always been really long), would look more mature and motherly if in a nice shoulder lenth bob style. An easier style for sure with babies. I'm 40, my baby is 14. She still thinks it would easier for me.

And my bare feet and wet head are surely one day going to cause me to get my death of a cold....

 

[Cop2be]

Yep.. Mine is concerned that my hair, (has always been really long), would look more mature and motherly if in a nice shoulder lenth bob style. An easier style for sure with babies. I'm 40, my baby is 14. She still thinks it would easier for me.

And my bare feet and wet head are surely one day going to cause me to get my death of a cold....

My grandmother is too liberal to have an issue with anything I do but if my great grandmother came on here shed be asking for advice to save help save me from burning in hell all eternity because I live with my boyfriend, my clothes surely could give her a heart attack, she thinks if I lose 10 more pounds I am going to get sick and die and hates my bleached hair and black eye liner.

She'd post a lot.

 

[Shaun Austin]

Trust me kids never really stop needing their parents. Charlotte my wife is always on the phone to her mother and she's in her 40s (i never said that). Sam our eldest he also still relies a lot on us and he's going on for 18 in August. Sam will be going to University in September hopefully and I can guarantee he'll ring home even day for the first few months. As parents we always need to be there I think and sometimes we need help so I guess that section is for those requesting that help.

 

[Mom2all]

Trust me kids never really stop needing their parents. Charlotte my wife is always on the phone to her mother and she's in her 40s (i never said that). Sam our eldest he also still relies a lot on us and he's going on for 18 in August. Sam will be going to University in September hopefully and I can guarantee he'll ring home even day for the first few months. As parents we always need to be there I think and sometimes we need help so I guess that section is for those requesting that help.

I've got an 18, 20, 21, & 22 year old.. that always need something. Be it $5 for the gas tank a box of noodles... or advice. They come seeking it mostly.