Advice from other step parents please!!...

[NoMamaDrama]

I will try to make this quick. ---This is small in comparison to other post I have read...i get that...nonetheless....

I am married to a great husband who has a son that is 10. We get a long very well IMO. Our relationship has grown over the years. I have been in the picture since SS10 was 3.5. His mother is also very involved in his life. I get along great with his mother hence the name..."NOMAMADRAMA."

Anyhow. I don't know if I am just being overly sensitive and I would rather hear it from other step parents not parents that have THE kid.

Bascially, if I happen to be laying on my husband SS will come over and get in between us or on my husbands other side and say "jokingly" my daddy! Or this is my dad and not yours (though he is joking.....:yikes. I don't really like it and honestly it bothers me.

He always refers to his dad as my dad. Like he will be talking having regular conversation and say stuff like my dad took me to the store to get some milk. Or my dad bought me this bike (hello, money came from us both...) or My dad and I .... were doing .... I try to correct him and tell him to just say dad. I have told him numerous times that he doesn't need to keep referring to him to me or any family memeber as "my dad." JUST CALL HIM DAD!!

Today I was sitting on my husbands lap and we were talking then SS rushes over and pushes me out the way again "playing:yikes:" and says this is my Dad not yours. Then I said well he is my husband not yours ...."joking" but not.... My husband laughs and goes...Now guys theres plenty of me to go around for everyone.... BOY IS HE LOVIN THIS. I have explained to him that I don't like when he plays like that and i don't like it when he my husband, slightly encourages it in a joking manner. I have also asked him to help me out and get his son to just refer to him as dad and not my dad...it is weird. I never call my own dad "my dad..." to my other siblings or family members unless I am really trying to distinguish between my dads and someone elses. I feel like a sideliner especially since SS mother is involved and has a very positive strong bond with son which I strongly advocate and support. I guess since he has a good relay with his mom and dad...sometimes I can feel like an intruder/sideliner (I have been in the picture for 7 years again back down to when he was 3.5).

I just want to know am I just being over sensitive and jealous or do I have somewhat of a point. I am not open to hearing my husbands comments because he is not a step parent and can never know what it feels like. I think he is being insensitive...What are your thoughts?

 

[NoMamaDrama]

He always refers to his dad as my dad. Like he will be talking having regular conversation and say stuff like my dad took me to the store to get some milk. Or my dad bought me this bike (hello, money came from us both...) or My dad and I .... were doing ....

This has been going on since I have been with SS dad and it irritates me. it also irritates me when I am trying to correct SS and my husband starts chuckling....I don't think SS really knows why he chuckles but i do and I find it rude and insensitive. SS will refer mostly if not only to his dad when all three of us are in the car. He will get in and say Dad this Dad that Dad can I ....Dad when are we...Dad are we going...Dad will you buy me this.... Dad can I watch that....(hello I am in the car too)...There have been times when I have said that and then Husband chuckles. sometimes I just wanna smack him when he does that.

SS is a very oblivious type of kid and I don't think he is really just being this rude little territorial creature but it bothers me still the same.

 

[Stepmom2be]

Sometimes ss7 will say "My dad," when referring to bf. But, when I refer to him, I do it too. Your dad will be at work late. Your dad will be home soon. Your dad is out back.

I get it though, sometimes when he says MY dad, I'm like well hey he's mine too! Do you refer to him as "dad" or "your dad"?

 

[mom2many]

WAY OVERSENSITIVE!

This is normal for ANY child, step or natural, you are the adult, he is a child. Children by nature are very territorial, My 8 kids (2 non-bio) all refer to their dad as 'my' dad or 'my' mom. We are everyone's mom and dad, but if you heard them talk sometimes you would think they are only children.

Gotta get over it, sorry, that will always be "his" dad...and not yours. You are "his" wife, there is a difference.

 

[bssage]

Well I am not a step parent but thought I might try and contribute.

It seems to me, especially in that age group (DS is 11) that we (most) parents are constantly bombarding them with advice, rules, and corrections. Eat with your mouth closed, Put your shoe's away, flush the toilet ect... Sometimes I get in a rut where it feels like that all I am doing. And I am sure DS feels that way at times also.

My point is I would try to make this what it is. And not make it what it is not.

IMHO let it be a non-event. Take the high road. And during a calm moment when he is receptive and really listening to you presents itself. You may explain your feelings.

Right or wrong, I think its displaying to you as some form of disrespect. Just tell him that. No need to make a rule or allow it to be a major point of contention. Just say your piece and give it time to sink in.

Again its been my experience that there are time's when DS is more receptive and thoughtful about what I am trying to tell him. Make the talk a deliberate activity not a reactionary lecture.

Just my 2

And I might be out of line here. But I think dad is just trying to remain neutral. He likely does not have a problem with it and is being polite to you by not taking sides. Maybe more out of respect for you, than disrespecting you.

 

[fuchsiasky]

I don't think you are being over-sensitive and I think that it is very telling that he is pushing between you and saying "he is mine not yours". It says to me that there is something that DSS is not happy about. Maybe he has a secret fear that you will take his dad away. Or be more important than he is. Or that there might not be enough love to go around. And if these things are not being voiced then it can show up in behaviour.

Have you asked him why he does that? Maybe he will have an answer for you. Also, have you sat down and talked to him about how there is enough dad/DH to go around and that you are not going to try and come between them? I had that conversation with DSD and it made a world of difference. We decided early on that we could share and that we wouldn't try and push between each other and the man we both love. It allowed us to both acknowledge the validity of each other's relationship and voice any worries that we had.

 

[IADad]

The last post to this thread was 4 months ago, I really doubt the OP is still looking for input.

Please give a look at the dates and try not to post to anything more than 30 days old.