Ahhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!...

[Kali]

Help! I need some de-stressing tips!

Quick low down on my story: I'm a new step mom to a 4 and 7 yr old for the past 5 months.

Lately I've become way too easily irritated and frustrated. Since this is my first time parenting, I haven't gotten to learn by doing over the years. I'm wondering if anyone can give me their ideas on how to relieve stress/irritation/frustration/tension in a fairly quick manner?

 

[bssage]

Well Drinking is counterproductive for sure.

I would wait for one of them to separate from the herd. Then without any warning tackle them and attack with belly blowers and sneaky tickle fingers. Continue until you are winded. Then attack the next one in line until you are to exhausted to notice your stress.

Works like a charm for me

Ps all three are fair game

 

[singledad]

One word - serotonin . And the easiest way to flood your body with it is exercise. I have a treadmill that I try to use every morning - my temper gets shorter with every day that I don't get my exercise (a.k.a. my serotonin fix ).

 

[K_Stepmom2b]

I second Singledad.

Along with tuning out for about 30 minutes. I will go take a bath, read, watch a mindless television show, go for a walk or just go to the gym...
I've also found screaming into a pillow useful!

 

[holbo]

Let´s try turning the whole thing upside down and see what happens:

A good way to keep up the stress level as high as possible is to keep reminding yourself of your frustration and irritation.

In addition staying right in the middle of the lions cave never gives you or the children any chance of a breather and will certainly keep you all on at least the stage of conflict you are at and with any luck it will even escalate. To do this you must both be present at all times and never take shifts in parenting...

But in my experience the absolute winner to keep the conflicts going would be to constantly share your disagreement with each other as parent. This is an exceptional way of not only add to the frustration you both feel but also, and this is even more important: it will open both of your flanks to the children making you completely vulnerable to even the most clumsy use of the "Divide and Conquer Strategy"

Helpful?

 

[johnolesen]

Just back away from the situation. In your signature it says their "mind in my heart". It could also be a situation where maybe you haven't really bonded that well with them. Just get away from them more.

 

[EverSweetBaby]

Wow, what an age to be just coming in to the parenting game! I have a daughter that is 4, and I love her to death, but she has the ability to make me want to pull every hair out of my head every now and then. I agree with some of the other moms that exercising is a great way to reduce your stress and increase your happiness. Also, depending where you live, vitamin D should be taken too.

Parenting is not easy, especially if they are not your biological kids. All I can recommend is patience and just know that it will get easier. Best of luck to you!

 

[Freckle]

Well, if I'm exhausted, I'd better drink some hot milk with honey in the absolute silence. It helps only if you don't think about anything. Free your mind, and the stress will get away.

 

[FPN_Trey]

Funny enough I put on an episode on taking care of ourselves as parents just a couple of weeks ago. Check it out Episode 17 for the details.

Trey

 

[Stips]

Exercise is the way to go, even simple breathing exercises are still exercises. Give it a go, maintaining your cool is a lot easier than most would think.

 

[Kali]

Firstly, thank you all for your comments. I've read and do appreciate them.

Funny enough I put on an episode on taking care of ourselves as parents just a couple of weeks ago. Check it out Episode 17 for the details.

Trey

Sooo... This is what I got: Get a hobby, socialize, exercise, learn new things, relax, and create new things. I agree with you that all those things would help me keep down this irritation and frustration. But my problem is that I don't really have time for any of those things. I do exercise in the mornings with the 4 yr old for half an hour because she doesn't do much moving around other than that. But I just don't have time for anything solely "me" related, even if I wanted to. I mean it's "Kali this" and "Kali that" every 5 seconds.

And I'm not complaining. I just need ideas on quick cool downs. Like counting backwards from 10 or intermittent breathing exercises or whatever has worked for all of you in the past because I know I'm not the only one. lol

 

[Buttaflly227]

Well sometimes Baptism by fire is the only way.
<U> I suggest the following:</U>

1) Stop &amp; take a deep breath. It's so often suggested but it works.

2) Walk away if you can to collect yourself.

3) Ask for help from your husband. If he's around ask him to take over the difficult situation <I>before</I> you hit the tipping point. Don't do this every time but when you're about to flip a lid you should.

4) Warn the kids that you are getting upset and you don't want to be upset. Explain that when you have a bad day, they will most likely have a bad day and that you need to work together so everyone can have a good day.

Those are really the only tips I have but I'd say the single most important factor is pausing <I>before</I> you reach the breaking point in any way you can.

Hope this helps!


Be well,
Be at Peace,
-Jessica

http://www.greatestkidsgames.com

 

[FPN_Trey]

Excellent point Kali and I think I can relate. Also @Jessica, fantastic suggestions.

I've read a ton of the empirical articles on counting techniques and their efficacy and...personally...I've never found them helpful. Don't mishear me, they can be temporarily effective, but only in the short-term.

The one article I read a few years ago that <I>actually</I> worked for me was to imagine my kids sleeping. Right when the pressure is high, and my control is wearing thin, just imagining my kiddo's asleep was the first time I thought "wow. That actually brought my tension down (and I'm confident my blood pressure did the same).

I hear ya on not having time for yourself right now. Unfortunately, my suggestion above and even the breathing techniques are short-term solutions to long-term problems.

It's very similar to taking a pain-killer for a broken leg. Though it might clear up a symptom, it does not fix the problem.

I doubt there is a parent in this forum (especially me) that won't tell you we experience difficulty in finding time to take care of ourselves. Problematically, even knowing all this info...we don't and when that happens we burn out.

I know that the long-term cool downers are difficult...we have to make time for ourselves since, rarely, will anyone else do that for us.

Sounds like you are a tough (meant in the strong, resilient and positive way) personal already. What's gotten you through this far? I'd be interested to hear.