i think we should explain ourselves as much as possible to kids and not just say "because i said so" when they ask a question. i feel like we should think about it and try to explain it to them in a delicate and honest fashion. when you give them "because i said so" as an answer they will build up anger inside you might not necessarily see at the moment but they will let it out in the future. i try not to use the phrase "because i said so" at all and it has made quite a difference, now my kids are much more happy with my answers and ask a lot more questions which has made them learn a lot more then they would if they didn't ask questions. i used to use it a lot and it made the kids very mad and they almost stopped asking questions altogether. using the phrase has only led to conflict and sadness and when answering questions has really build a strong bond of trust between my kids and I that has really helped us in hard times but recently i have not been having some of the answers and the kids don't believe me. what should i do? what are your opinions on saying "Because I Said So"?
Because I Said So...
- Thread starter twistertiger
- Start date
I'm slowly adding words and phrases to not say and know that I said it two days ago. We asked her to get ready as we were going shopping and she asked why she need to put her coat on and we both said almost in perfect harmony "because honey we said so". Thinking about it she just wanted to know why and it would've been just as easy to answer her fully in the same amount of time. I think explaining is definitely the right thing to do even if it's a bit harder or takes longer to do.
I would agree, kids <I>job</I> is to learn. They learn about the world, even if they are already 17 there is <I>plenty</I> that they don't know and may be curious about. Stopping your kids from asking questions, limits them. My son was reading a book when he was eight, which talked about a mean man who only said "because I said so". He came to us and said "That is the worst thing ever!" and gave us a big smile. Needless to say, my wife and I both thought it was super cute!
not only is it the kids job to learn its also the parents. we need to learn from them. when ever they learn we learn too. as parents we need to learn from out kids mistakes, successes, and behavior.
I agree whole heartedly on this. Two to three weeks ago I would've probably disagreed but I was beyond pigheaded. Now that I'm thinking more open to my family I'm learning there's more to learn from them then I have to give. They have so much love in them that it makes me truly proud to say I'm their father.twistertiger said:
It depends on what it is in my house. When they ask obvious questions that they know the answers to I say "no" and when they ask "why" I tell them that I am the parent and I do not need to explain. I want them to use their brain and see the reason we are not going on the trampolin is because it's raining.
They need to figure things out. If I told them everything then they would learn nothing.
I explain things that teach them but I will not entertain obvious questions.
They need to figure things out. If I told them everything then they would learn nothing.
I explain things that teach them but I will not entertain obvious questions.
it depends what you think obvious questions are. are you tall? or is the capital of the us Washington DC?
Agreed. I often think things are obvious when my son asks them, but then I think, it might not be all that obvious, in the first place, especially when it is so, something I know about. When he was yound he asked questions like "is that embarassing" and I would think he was just kidding me, and say of course it is, and tell him to stop. In retrospect, it really may not have been obvious to him, especially since he is a skeptic by nature and it might not have occured to him as a youngster.twistertiger said:
kids know much more than we think they know though. you may think kids are stupid lower lifeforms but i try to think of my kids as equals as much as possible even though i need to make some decisions for him. kid may seem like the dumb todlers you knew a while ago but they grow fast, learn fast, and mature fast you see them shoot up and it seems just like yesterday when they where the baby you held in your handsunmanaged said:
Hah! I am not as prejudiced as you think! I know I am much stupider than my children! (just kidding). Actually honestly my kids know a lot more on some subjects and I actually ask them for advice quite a bit. When I was voting on propositions some time ago, I asked my children what they thought I should vote for and we had a discussion, and they gave great advice! I am very proud!twistertiger said:
Kids always deserve an explanation. Unless you are absolutely sure they know the answer and are just bothering you then saying, "because I said so" or "I am the parent" is really a lazy way out. Also doing so will frustrate the child.
i think kids can be as smart as albert einstein but also as stupid as a rock. and the worst part is they are as stubborn as a donkey!
Sometimes "because I said so" is the reason, though. I'm the mom, and sometimes they have to do something or not do something just because it's my rule and they need to follow it. Their bosses aren't going to explain every rule and regulation, and neither are the police. Sometimes the rules are just the rules, period.
My mom still tries to tell me that and it really doesn't fly at all. She did it all my life and eventually I stopped listening because it just frustrated me to no end. If she gave me a reason I listened. If she say, "cause I am the parent blah" I didn't listen. If you have a job you will get reasons if you get arrested you will get reasons.
that is exactly what happens a lot. the kids just stop listening and if you don't give them a real answer they will disregard your words.SuperMario said:
YEa i agree. Because i said so doesn't say anything. You need to explain yourself or else kids wont understand WHY you are saying so.