big problem's with Aimee...

[Jordy]

so i get a call this morning saying that Aimee's trip to spend the week with me is cancelled. obviously i was shocked and wanted to know why.

Michelle told me that Aimee was in her room crying yesterday night and after about an hour of prompting she told her mother that she thinks she is pregnant and has taken two pregnancy tests which both came up positive.. she is 14 for christ sake how on earth did this happen??? does her mother not watch her at all.. needless to say i am not impressed..

anyway this afternoon her mother called me again and said she is in fact coming she needs to get away from all the distractions there and the boy (who she is refusing to name) so she is coming to stay on the 12th of June but how do i deal with this? do i just support her because she would have got enough from her mother or what??? I'm not used to having teenage girls to deal with!!!

 

[xox.ilu.xox]

oh my gosh Jordy! That's heartbreaking! Just pray to god that she isn't :S. did her mom take her to the doctor to find out for sure? And how old is this boy? What about the legal age for sexual consent (im not sure what it is in Aus. :S). I dont have a teenager but i was one at one point. I would try and make her comfortable. If her mom is giving her a rough time about this,I would let her just relax and enjoy herself on her visit and get away from it. And i agree with you, does her mother not watch her!! I know when I was 14 I was on a pretty tight leash with my mum. I'm not sure how mature she is (as I havent met her in person) but does she totally understand all of the reprocussions of having unprotected sex (pregnancy, STI's etc.). I really feel for her and you, and hope for the best Jordy!!!!! xoxo

 

[Trina]

It sounds like Aimee needs all the support she can get right now.

 

[Father_0f_7]

I'm sorry man. You may not know this but I had Megan at 17...a little older than 14 but still really hard. I really needed support because I was already stressed out.

I think you should just support her for now, and if she want's to talk I would talk to her calmly. I know you probably want to yell at her for an hour but in reality that's not going to help anyone.

 

[mom2many]

Aw Jordy, I can not even imagine!

That girl needs you now more then ever, she needs her dad, her rock, she needs an arm to hold her up. That is you, love your DD and let her know that what ever she chooses you will be there for her...no matter what!

As to mom not watching her...it only takes a minute and as much as we try to know everywhere they are we just aren't capable.

Good Luck..we are here for you.

 

[bssage]

IM<U>H</U>O.

There a lot of worse things that can happen to people. I'm not trying to say this isn't a big deal. Just that its not even close to the biggest of deals.

I would (when possible) provide comfort, a protected place to rest and gather her thoughts during the storm. Somewhere to close her eyes and take a moment.

At this point, it is what it is. There are two thing's the future can bring. Hope or hopelessness.

From what I have heard she is a happy loving well adjusted young lady. She has parents (though separated) who both love her very much and will be there to lean on. I don't know about you, but I know a lot of people who have been in less desirable positions.

I would focus on the hope and potential rather than mistakes. You should allay her fears and if needed be her outlet to let her make room for calm.

A lot of people have babies. A lot of young single girls have babies. No it's not perfect but "not perfect" is the rule rather than the exception when it comes to baby's.

Her potential to have a successful happy life has not been derailed. It just take's a little more planning now.

I would say good luck but I dont think she needs luck when she has you.

Enjoy the ride of life as best you can.

bssage

 

[Jordy]

the legal age of consent is 16 and she is 14 but if both people are under 14 they are minors so there is nothing the law can do about it other than a slap on the wrist. the thing is we don't know how old the boy is because Aimee will not tell her mother and she doesn't know how to get the information out of her...

they haven't been to the doctors yet. the appointment is for tomorrow morning (it's sunday today and Aimee was a little to emotional yesterday) so i guess we will know for sure tomorrow... i will let you guys know how it goes... i just hope it's a false alarm i guess

 

[Father_0f_7]

Maybe Aimee know's about the age of consent law? I think what's going on is that the boy is over 16 or whatever age, and she know's he could get in trouble. That might be why she's not telling.

 

[xox.ilu.xox]

i agree christian! good point! definately let us know how it goes! i feel for you guys jordy!

 

[Jordy]

yeah, that's what i told her mother who said she promised Aimee that they wouldn't press charges against the boy if she would tell us who it is.

 

[Antoinette]

oh no... Jordz that is terrible... i think that everyone here has given great advice though so far

 

[Jordy]

Thanks nettie.... I'm still just hoping that it comes up negative and is a false alarm i guess.. she is so young, she just isn't ready to be a mum

 

[IADad]

First of all, my thoughts are with you.

I'll just comment on a couple of things I've noted in the replies, nothing new, really just my spin.

I really liked Bryan's "it is what it is" comment. You can't turn back time, you can only help things move forward.

I'm concerned about the whole "not pressing charges" thing, I think it's just a little risky to promise that without knowing the facts yet. Also, is it possible for the state to press charges? I know it is here, regardless of whether the famiy wants to or not.

And last, I hope you're right and it's false positive, but two false positives (maybe more, I'm thinking if I were a potentially pregnant teenage girl I might have taken 8 or 10 before even breaking down.

oh, and I know you're not thrilled with mom's responsibility but just because it happens doesn't mean she was negligent in her duties...imainge how you'd feel if it happened "on your watch..."

I hope everything turns out well, I'm thinking about you and her. Try to think about the joy and excitement you had about her initially coming. Sure, this changes soome things, but try to recapture and acaptilize on some of that joy, the potential is still there. Sure, you won't be able to simply ignore the facts, but not every minute of of everyday has to be about the prgnancy (if it turns out to be.) Good Luck.

 

[Xero]

Honestly I'm not trying to make you feel any worse, but I have read that it isn't possible to have a false positive on a properly taken pregnancy test, only a false negative. If she took two tests and they were both positive, I'm going to have to say that it would be an absolute miracle if she turned out to be not pregnant. She probably is, which is really REALLY sad considering how young she is. Will she keep it, do you think?

No, it wont "ruin" her life, but it will change her life in a huge HUGE way. And her mom will probably end up doing most of the raising. Maybe not, but probably. She's just so young I don't see what she can do other than go to school and live her life like the child she is while her mom takes care of this baby. Which is really sad. I am SO sorry that you guys have to go through this. I can not imagine. It will be really hard on all three of you. I guess a little less on you since she lives with her mom, but you know.

Anyway, aside from all the obvious worries that we would all have if it happened to us, really there's nothing you can do now but be there for her. What's done is done, like bssage said it is what it is. You can NOT change anything by yelling at her or making her feel bad or punishing her. I would probably let her know how disappointed you are at some point, and how you would have wished better for her, but then move on from there to a steady attitude of "I am here for you, and I support you no matter what".

Really, in the end, when all is said and done, things will work out. They will be a little harder, but they will still be okay. She'll be okay, and you'll have a beautiful grandbaby. Everyone will get through this even stronger than before, and a new life will be brought into the world to be loved by your whole family.

 

[Xero]

So I was looking it up and I found more on false positive prengnacy tests. They are very rare, and usually caused by something specific (if none of these apply to the person taking the test though, chances are its right)

How Common Is A False Positive Pregnancy Test And What Causes It?



There could be various reasons for a false positive test.

Chemical Pregnancy
A chemical pregnancy is basically an early miscarriage. Research has shown that half of all first pregnancies end in miscarriage. Due to the high sensitivity of home pregnancy tests, many women catch early pregnancies but end up going on to have their periods due to a chemical pregnancy.
Missed Reaction Time
For accuracy in home pregnancy tests it is essential that you read the test results in the stipulated reaction time. If you let the test sit for too long (after the instructions on the box tell you), the test is invalid. This may cause it to show false positive results.
Chemical Interference
Drugs that have the pregnancy hormone Human Chorionic Gonadotropin (hCG) in them can cause incorrect results in home pregnancy tests. The Human Chorionic Gonadotropin (hCG) in them may be responsible for the false positive pregnancy test. If you have had an HCG shot due to infertilty treatments, you need to be sure the shot is out of your system before you attempt to use early pregnancy tests.
Evaporation Lines
While technically not a true pregnancy, some pregnancy tests leave a faint evaporation line as the urine crosses the test. This faint very light grey evaporation line in the test area is often interpretted as a positive result.
AimStrip pregnancy test strips have a very good reputation of NOT leaving evaporation lines and are much less expensive than brands you can buy in your local supermarket or drug store.
If you are not sure about your home pregnancy results it is recommended that you try again after a couple of days. If doubts regarding the results still persist, you must see a doctor for a pregnancy blood test. A blood test administered by your doctor is more sensitive than the early home tests and can be taken between seven and twelve days after you conceive.

 

[Jeremy+3]

Where was her mother and why wasn't she watching her, well where were you and why weren't you watching her, if you're not there, you can't blame someone else for not being for a very small amount of time, plus, I doubt you were under constant supervision of one parent at 14.

I don't know when during pregnancy ante-natal classes etc start in Australia but you could help her set all those up, you'll need to set up a doctor who she can see while she is staying with you and make sure she brings any documents her normal doctor has given her, unless they are on a national database.
You can help to make sure she doesn't eat/drinks things she isn't meant to, if her memory is anything like my wife's she will forget! Then there are all sorts of lotions and potions you can use to reduce the chance of stretch marks, always fun to try.

 

[xox.ilu.xox]

Let us know how it went Jordy Im anxious for you! xox

 

[Xero]

Yes, please keep us updated!

 

[Jordy]

her mother took her to the doctor yesterday for a blood test to know for sure and unfortunately she is pregnant.. i am disappointed and i did not want this to be what happened with her life.. she is 14 i still don't know how this could have happened. i don't know what she is going to do, whether she will decide to keep it,abort it or adoption.. she is upset but at the same time she seems to think she is in her own real life Juno movie which is infuriating because she just doesn't seem to get the gravity of the situation.

Jeremy asked where i was when this happened. i was in WA where i live, on the other side of the country to where she is so there really wasn't a lot of supervision i could do. i was trying to trust her mother to handle that...

 

[Xero]

I'm sorry Jordy, it sounds like you have a lot of drama on your hands. It would be frustrating that she doesn't get what a big deal this is. But then, she's just a kid after all, how could she really understand? How is she acting? Does she seem happy about it? Or is she really scared and upset? I hope for the best for all of you. This must be hard. Keep us updated.