Birthday party etiquette......

[kdryan]

No big issue here, but I did get a bit annoyed today. The twins were invited to a friends birthday and we went out yesterday and bought a couple of decent gifts and planned for a couple of hours there. The party was to have started at 2:00 and after looking for and finding the place we arrived at 2:30, but were still one of the first to arrive. We put the gifts with the rest, the squirts went off to play with the other kids and I sat and got acquainted with some of the other family members and promptly discovered that the cake wouldn't even be arriving until 5:00! By the time presents were opened and we got out of there it was 7:00 PM and we had lost our whole afternoon to this party.

Minor annoyance #2 was that there were no diet drinks at all. Coke, Root Beer, etc, but nothing without sugar except for bottled water. When I slipped out, I stopped and picked up some diet Cokes...

Mind you, they were nice people, the food was incredible, and it was a gorgeous day, but I really would have either loved to know that my whole day was going to be lost on this or at least had some kind of out for it. As it was, I really was kind of bored and had to slip home about halfway through (B.C. - before cake and such..) to let the dogs out to relieve themselves.

How long should a birthday party last?

- Kevin

 

[Xero]

Wow, that's irritating!! Every party I've ever held or been to it was basically assumed that the start time of the party was no more than 30 minutes from the time that food would be eaten (since most of the time you're gonna eat at a party lol). And if it was a birthday party, whenever everyone seemed done eating we would probably bring in the cake (which um would already be GOTTEN and WAITING sheesh!) and sing happy birthday blah blah blah. Shortly after cake would be presents and then if any games were gonna happen they could, then people could do whatever they wanted until they felt like leaving, usually no real strict "End" time but it would be done so that it COULD be ended whenever. I would say that a birthday party might be 2-4 hours long, 2 for the people that after all of the things I mentioned were done (if everything went quickly and according to plan) would want to leave, and 4 for the people that hang around and spend more time at the party etc. Family a lot of the time ends up staying longer.

Its not a huge deal or the end of the world or anything, but I don't think I would have appreciated their timeline much if I were you. Meh. :/ Also that's kinda dumb about the soda. I always make sure there's a few varieties of regular soda, at least one or two varieties of diet soda, bottled water, and juice or something similar that would be appropriate for the kids.

That's just my experience in this type of thing though, I know everyone does things differently for sure.

 

[18andheretohelp]

The party does seem a bit long, I would normally think the time is written on the birthday card?

Minor annoyance #2 was that there were no diet drinks at all. Coke, Root Beer, etc, but nothing without sugar except for bottled water. When I slipped out, I stopped and picked up some diet Cokes...

Okay, for this. It really isn't your place to judge the refreshments they offer. Not everyone believes in 'diet' soda (I am using 'soda', because I assume you're American). For one, aspartame is NOT good for you - and it's their god-damn party! Don't be picky. They had water, that should be enough.

 

[kdryan]

Redacted...

 

[TabascoNatalie]

as far as my experience goes, if you don't know these people very well personally, you can always expect the unexpected. myself i try to find as many details as possible beforehand. like what's the programme, how to dress, what to bring, will there be food and drinks, etc. That goes for every occasion.
As for kids parties, I understand, the main point is to have fun with other kids. cake, gifts, songs are the attiributes to the party, but not the meaning of it.
And... i don't know how it's over there, but here at bigger kids' parties adults usually don't stay. Just drop off the kids and pick them up later, maybe have a cup of coffee. But its pretty much common sense, that kids will play with other kids, and you'll be left to sit there with almost total strangers, with not much to talk about. Just pick up the kids at certain set time and you won't have a "lost" day.

 

[stjohnjulie]

Ok, this made me smile a little or a lot! I think I'm pretty out of touch with my stateside rearing. I'm on island time now. To give you an idea of what this is like... I had a baby shower for my friend at the beach. It was a potluck kind of deal. The invites were passed out by the mom to be, probably 50 or 60 of them. It started at noon. The first person to show up was the guest of honor....at 2:30. Then people came and left for the next 4 hours. It was supposed to end at 4pm. And I brought the drinks.... soda, juice, rum, beer, and water. And it never crossed my mind to bring a sugar free drink other than water. And I think the only complaint anyone had is that there weren't enough serving spoons. And maybe that the premium liquor ran out too quick.

 

[MomoJA]

I'm like Julie. My first thought was that these people must be European or at least, not American. Time has a different meaning on each continent, it seems, and what you've described, is pretty much what I'd expect if I were still living abroad.

In America, however, I don't know if I'd be annoyed exactly, but certainly uncomfortable in that situation.

 

[TabascoNatalie]

I'm european, I live in europe, but here we have very different understanding of what a birthday party should be like. myself i was raised in such environment where food was a cult. so lots of food for birthday, especially sweets. and it was "a norm" to have a very sick stomach after attending a birthday. here in UK we have much less food. but it is pretty enough.
but i've been to a birthday party (adults, not kids) where everybody was expected to pay for their food afterwards. i hadn't expected that and luckily i did not bring an empty wallet. but it was kind of unpleasant surprise. ok, i was the only foreigner in there, so maybe it's just my ignorance. so that's why its always helpful to find out the details in advance

 

[mom2many]

Sounds like it was more of a family party versus one geared for kids. I know when it's for kids I tend to plan and time everything..within reason of course cause the unexpected always happens. But family parties are a lot less scheduled they tend to just run their own course. As for diet drinks...I am bad about that one, I don't drink them so when I shop for parties they almost always slip my mind.

I am also surprised that you were "invited" at that age it's usually a drop them off pick them up kinda thing.

 

[Jeremy+3]

Normally unless it is the birthday of a child in the family we get a written invitation so it has an end time on, I wouldn't be bothered about what food/drink was on offer (unless my child had a special dietary need).

I find it odd that you stayed though, after the age of about four I would expect to just leave them there and come back at the arranged time.

 

[Xero]

That crossed my mind as well actually, unless it was a birthday of a family member or something (cousin etc) it seems a little odd that parents were staying there as well. Usually at that age like the others said its a drop off pick up type of thing.

 

[IADad]

In my experience, if it's a kids' party so all of the attendees are kids, as opposed to a "family" party, then the time is pretty cleared stated and adhered to, an invite will say 2-4, and 2 hours is pretty normal, and within the food could really be anytime, depending on what the other activities are. If it's a family party then I could expect anytime, the cake arriving 3 hours from start seems a little odd, but obviously they had planned a 2 - whenever event and maybe should have indicated that on the invite. Good safety tip there, if you don't see and end time on the invite it might be good to ask.

Interesting, that one party DS1 has been to this year, was for a kid who's just here from Italy, the party was supposed to be from 3-5, so I dropped him off, then showed up just before 5 to pick him up only to find that they had just started eating pizza and then had to do the cakae and presents. I hadn't thought about it possibly being a cultural thing.

 

[kdryan]

That's pretty funny. I stayed because didn't want to offend them by leaving...

 

[Heather Russo]

When I think of a bday party for kids that age, I am annoying because I ask when to drop the kids off and when to pick them up, what food is being served, what activities or entertainment... And of course I have to be familiar with the parents that are in charge. I ask all the questions, even if it is a bit annoying, because this way I can plan my time accordingly so that I am not annoyed. If I throw a party for the kids, than I think of the questions I would ask and answer them on the invitation with a note to call to rsvp and ask any further questions upon calling. I also would not stay at a party for kids that age unless it is a social or family thing for parents as well. If you assume something then be annoyed at yourself for assumming.

 

[dave]

Ok, this made me smile a little or a lot! I think I'm pretty out of touch with my stateside rearing. I'm on island time now. To give you an idea of what this is like... I had a baby shower for my friend at the beach. It was a potluck kind of deal. The invites were passed out by the mom to be, probably 50 or 60 of them. It started at noon. The first person to show up was the guest of honor....at 2:30. Then people came and left for the next 4 hours. It was supposed to end at 4pm. And I brought the drinks.... soda, juice, rum, beer, and water. And it never crossed my mind to bring a sugar free drink other than water. And I think the only complaint anyone had is that there weren't enough serving spoons. And maybe that the premium liquor ran out too quick.

Im in texas and just attended that same party minus the beach i live in the panhandle. we used crappy wall mart pools in series. We also had only domestic beer, they served sausage balls , chips,queso , beer and cupcakes.

we also all had guns and rode horses there.

 

[spitfirex]

I guess it's cultural since in my home country, we sometimes don't even celebrate birthday parties with cake xD Although if the cake was arriving late, it would be inevitable if people leave prior.

and as for the diet drinks, I'm really sorry about that. Next time I plan a party I'll check first if any of my guests have special needs. (If your kid is diabetic I don't think it's rude to let the host know)

I think it's already acceptable to leave after a while of socializing and a good excuse (ie something important to do, you need to beat traffic etc.) After all, you're not the only guest around.

 

[stillme]

Any birthday invitation we've gotten for my kids has had a start and finish time so the parents will know about how long they are looking at. And if they didn't, I would not feel the least bit horrible for asking about the length of time it is going to take. This is our life, you know. If they had been like, "Well, I don't know blah blah blah." I'd have said, "Well, I'll pick my kid up at 'such and such' a time."

Of course, how often is something like that going to happen? If there is a party next year, I'd ask.

 

[jamieFL]

I always try to find out beforehand what time the party ends, especially if I'm going to be hanging out with a bunch of people I don't really know well!

I also get annoyed when there's no diet soda. Other time when only coffee is served....not everyone drinks coffee...I don't!

 

[friend]

This is what I show the friends of my kid when they come over for his bday....

[/URL]
Uploaded with ImageShack.us