Can I go on a date?...

[IADad]

Not a phrase I expected to hear from my 9 yo...

To be fair, he'll be 10 in a few days, but still... He told me there was something he really wanted to do, could he ask someone out on a date?

Apparently one of the other boys has asked a girl "out." and I'm sensing my son is fearing falling behind...i.e. ending up with whatever girl is left rather than one he wants to go out with...I know it's sad, but I'm hoping the parents of the girl this boy asked out says, "no, she can't go." That way this whole thing can settle down for a couple years. I could just strangle this boys mom, she's a "busy-body" who I swear is trying to push kids into growing up sooner. She organized and elementary school dance! and now she's apparently encouraged her son to ask a girl out.

BTW, his idea of a date, would be going to a movie...

I just want to hit the snooze botton on this one for a couple of years.

 

[cybele]

My younger kids school has a dance every year, I dont know what the school expects them to do, but the girls just sping around to see who has the spinniest dress, and the boys roll around on the floor "breakdancing"

That is sweet that your son asked you first, I usually just get informed of these things "today I went out with my boyfriend at lunch to the lower playground, duh I have boyfriend, im 10 *dramatic eye roll and head bobble*

 

[mom2many]

Be honest IADad. If you want to say no, say no then explain your reasons. Right now is the perfect time to lay out all of your expectations along with the "when's" of when he would be allowed to date.

I know you aren't asking but my kids were not even allowed on group dates till they were 16. They knew this from a very early age so it never became a problem.

 

[IADad]

I guess the porblem is I don't know, we don't know what we want. In HS I didn't date a lot, I had my group of friends that all hung out and I had two girlfriends over the course of jr High, HS, and I think I missed out on a lot. I want him to experience, just going out, being social, learning to ask a girl out, learning about being rejected and trying again, so I don't want to start out being the overly strict parent. Now, that being said 10 is too young, but would I allow him to go on a chaperoned date at 12, maybe, just kind of wondering what parent's experiences here are.

 

[mom2many]

It is a hard question and all I can give you is my experience and why I choose the route I did with my kids.

I also never dated much and pretty much married the first man I did date. I watched my friends fall over guy after guy. I saw them get into situations they were not emotionally ready to be in get themselves into trouble. Not huge, teen pregnancy kinda trouble. But situations that could have been avoided and given enough maturity they would have been able to handle them.

When the hubby and I decided on the best age for our kids (16, although Megan was almost 17 before we allowed her to date) we wanted to make sure that "a" they were old enough to be able to deal with more mature situations. "B" they had some life experiences under them. "C" schooling and our expectations clearly defined and they were on the right track. The first thing to go is a kids grades when they are wrapped up in someone else.

Megan actually thanked me for making her wait. One to many of her friends were not ready and looking on the outside she could see what we were talking about.

If he is asking now, you and the wife need to sit down and figure out exactly what his rules will be. The sooner you do it the better it is for him because he will always know what your expectations are. If you try to wing it, you risk creating to much confusion.

 

[IADad]

...but "Wing it" is the motto on our family crest...

;-)

thanks, that's great advice.

 

[mom2many]

...but "Wing it" is the motto on our family crest...

;-)

thanks, that's great advice.

For the most part my families also!

 

[GavinH]

If there were to be a dance at my daughters elementary school I would be making an appointment with the principal to get it stopped. While I am OK with groups of kids, younger than 16, going to the movies or on similar "dates", an organized event places too much social and peer pressure on kids that are not ready.

My daughter already knows the rules .... no dating till after she is married. Kidding aside, chaperoned group event till she is 14 then group event till 16.

 

[cybele]

We dont have dating rules, I dont see a reason to.

At 10 I wouldnt be taking date requests seriously either, its most likely that its just mimicing behaviour.

 

[Mom2all]

At 10, I agree its just funny. Andrew told me at 7 he was dating a girl. I asked him what that meant, he said, he didn't know but he was dating her. Our rules were 16 for a date. If it was a mixed group of girls/boys and I was driving them I can't remember an exact age.

*edited to add in.. on mixed outings, I stayed at the movies or places like that. Only the skating rink gave them a parent free time.

And I should say, our kids are so close in ages to their respective brothers and sisters friends, it played a role in taking mixed groups together.

 

[bssage]

Cole had dances all through elementry school. Pretty harmless. And kinda fun to watch. They were all in the afternoon. And the girls were all being girls. While the boys are all being a bunch of fools. Kinda like adult dances only instead of kissing and fighting it is like Cybel said a bunch of twirling and break dancing. I really enjoyed watching.

 

[IADad]

a little update. Aparently the situation is much like mom2all explained, that kids are saying they are "going with" so-an-so but they aren't actually going anywhere.

We're encouraging him not to worry about it, that given the small size of his school and the fact that these 50 kids will likely go largely through High School together, that there will be many couplings and un-couplings along the way. We've encouraged him that if he "likes" a particular girl, the best thing he can do is be a good friend. He shouldn't have to worry about "exclusivity" at this point in his life.

 

[mom2many]

Sounds like you handled it well. Kids really are so cute when girls/boys stop loosing the cootie factor, especially when it is innocent.