Challenges of a 4 year Old PLEASE HELP...

[softmommy80]

I live in Costa Rica with my 4 year old little boy and I am pretty much at my wits end with him and myself as a parent. Let me explain the history, his father and I are split up for almost 3 years, my little guy spends Mom-Fri with me while in pre-school and visits his father on the weekends. He is a great child who is very warm, but he gets in these moods where no one wants to be around him. It is his way or the highway, and I have tried everything to stop this from happening, but I am slowly getting tired and exhausted from all of the work. Here are my situations:

1. Everytime we have a meal, excluding breakfast, it is a constant fight for him to eat. After three years of this, I am at the end of my rope and can´t seem to find the energy to force him to eat. What kind of parent am I to let my child get away with not eating? Does anyone have any suggestions on how I can encourage him to eat on a daily basis without fights? Instead of me ending up in my room crying because I have spent the last 3 years cooking and having to fight my kid to eat.

2. He has absolutely no respect for me or any kind of authority. I feel that I do not let him do everything he wants, but he acts like a kid that gets his way everytime. Does anyone have any suggestions on the kinds of punishments that I can give him to discipline him? I am at the end of my rope, I give him a spank(never wanted to do this, but it happened) and it doesn´t work, I have tried time-outs, losing priveledges, etc. I just can´t think of anything else that is going to work.

Thanks for any help I can get in advance!

 

[Xero]

I'm not completely sure about everything here, but as far as eating goes, it's REALLY normal for toddlers to not want to eat. They don't need to eat much at that age, and as far as I'm concerned, if he's hungry enough, he'll eat. He wont let you starve him. Another thing I would say for eating meals is to not let him snack much. If he snacks a lot during the day, eating things here and there at random times, then he will be much less likely to eat at mealtimes. If they don't get a bunch of snacks then when you make dinner, they'll be happy for it and want to eat when you set it out. But if that's not a problem with you, then I'd still say if he's hungry enough, his body will tell him when he needs to eat and he'll do it.

As for the way he acts up.... I have to say just consistancy. I understand you've tried to punish him in all the ways but it doesn't seem to work for him. I'm not sure how it goes every day for you, but if you sit him in a time out (and MAKE HIM STAY THERE lol) for a specific amount of minutes EVERY time he does something you know is unnacceptable, rather than waiting until it really bothers you after he's BEEN doing it, then he might start to understand that he'll never get away with it, and he wont try to sometimes do it. And I would stick with the same thing too, like time outs every time or losing a certain thing every time whatever.

That's just what I was thinking, I hope it helps.

 

[Kaytee]

I agree 100% with Xeros post

 

[softmommy80]

Thank yo so much! It all makes sense, it is just be super strict with my discipline habits. You are absolutely right, I donñt do anything until I am completely upset and furious and that is when I decide to discipline.
Thanks again!

 

[Kaytee]

good luck and remember STAY CALM!!

 

[Xero]

Hey no problem! And really I'm not saying you have to be super strict or anything, you can let a little something that he might not have meant to do get away. Just stay consistent with punishment for the things you know you find unacceptable. You don't have to be mean, or make him think you're super angry or it's a terrible crime, just let him know that when he doesn't listen to you when you try to direct him that he's going to have to sit in time out. Every time. He might freak out, but he'll realize soon enough if you stay calm that it's not a big deal to you and he's not winning by upsetting you, but it's gonna suck for him to sit in the corner all the time. So he might want to change his ways after a while.