Child-free auntie has behavior questions...

[singledad]

shout at them when they are doing something wrong.

Interesting.

There is an raging debate going on about how even the mildest spanking will result in all kinds of horrible consequences for a kid, but only one person seems to have picked up on a recommendation that parents should shout at their kids.

So what are we saying here?

 

[Cop2be]

There need to action taken by parents in order to discipline their child. A mother cannot ignore a childs misbehavior and then give up too soon as the kid will grow up with these habits. Its easier to correct them when they are young. And parents need to stop them or shout at them when they are doing something wrong.

My mom is a yeller.
I don't live at home anymore but she still yells anytime she gets upset.
It started going in one ear and out the other at about age 10.

My mom is like a child, she will start yelling anywhere and in front of anyone, the middle of the grocery store, wherever.
I remember a year or two ago I was still partially living at home but mostly with my boyfriend and we went over for a little bit to hang out with my brother my mom was angry about something and instead of pulling me aside and talking to me about it she started yelling and making scene in front of everyone, berating and belittling me, making snide remarks insulting my intelligence. I told her unless you can TALK to me in private and not yell I am not speaking to you right now and I walked off.

It goes in one ear and out the other. All I hear is her screeching when she yells, I just hear loud noises not words. I also won't tolerate being publicly humiliated and insulted in front of my friends and boyfriend.

You don't need to yell to get a point across.
Children stop listening when all you do is yell.

 

[tadamsmar]

There need to action taken by parents in order to discipline their child. A mother cannot ignore a childs misbehavior and then give up too soon as the kid will grow up with these habits. Its easier to correct them when they are young. And parents need to stop them or shout at them when they are doing something wrong.

Shouting is ineffective or even counterproductive. Counterproductive in that it you can end up getting more of the behavior that you don't want. Also shouting can contribute to or cause a toxic stress enviroment for the kid causing long term harm.

 

[Sue Barashi]

<t>Hey, all, it's me again—the child-free aunt with behavior/development questions. Here are my next two:<br/>
<br/>
1. At what age do kids usually learn to wait for others to finish speaking rather than interrupt?<br/>
<br/>
2. At what age do kids usually bathe without much supervision? <br/>
<br/>
Thanks!</t>

 

[parentastic]

<r><QUOTE author="Sue Barashi;136416"><s>

</s>Hey, all, it's me again—the child-free aunt with behavior/development questions. Here are my next two:<br/>
<br/>
1. At what age do kids usually learn to wait for others to finish speaking rather than interrupt?
<e>

</e></QUOTE>

See my response to a similar question <URL url="</s>here<e></e></URL>.<br/>
As for age, it's a process, it depends when you start teaching them. <br/>
But impulse control takes time.</r>

 

[Sue Barashi]

<t>I can be more specific: my niece just turned 8 and is in 2nd grade. I called my sister, her mother, this week, and Niece interrupted her so frequently and insistently that Sister had to ring off after 4 minutes because she could not sustain our conversation. (Sister and Niece were at a playground where Niece had access to friends and activities.) <br/>
<br/>
I'll admit I was surprised—I thought 8-yr-olds could "hold it" a little longer in such situations or maybe even go play while Mom chatted. But I'm not around kids much, so I could sure be wrong.</t>

 

[parentastic]

<r><QUOTE author="Sue Barashi;136420"><s>

</s>I can be more specific: my niece just turned 8 and is in 2nd grade. I called my sister, her mother, this week, and Niece interrupted her so frequently and insistently that Sister had to ring off after 4 minutes because she could not sustain our conversation. (Sister and Niece were at a playground where Niece had access to friends and activities.) <br/>
<br/>
I'll admit I was surprised—I thought 8-yr-olds could "hold it" a little longer in such situations or maybe even go play while Mom chatted. But I'm not around kids much, so I could sure be wrong.<e>

</e></QUOTE>

It's not necessarily about "holding it" longer or not. If you attempt to understand her behavior only by looking at her age and ask "what's normal", you might miss on a lot more subtle stuff here.<br/>
<br/>
Most kids 8 years old will go play most of the time without clinging to their mom. If she doesn't, then does she cling to her mom only when you call? When anyone calls? Or does she cling to her mom all the time? If it's only when you call, you'll need to ask yourself if there is a jealousy problem, if she sees you as an intruder, etc. <br/>
If she reacts that way when anyone is calling, she may be having jealousy issues about her mom, is there another child? Is she spending enough quality time with her mom in the first place? Is there some family issues, divorce, separation, or other issues which cause her to have to "share" her mom or see her less often?<br/>
And finally if she clings to her mom all the time, then how come she is not secure enough to want to explore and play naturally away from her? What's her relationship to her mom? How is her mom responding when she acts clingy? Was there some events in her life recently that caused her anxiety?<br/>
<br/>
I am barely scratching the surface here; I don't necessarily think I can give you answers, but my goal is to show that the question you ask is a lot more complex than simply a behavior problem, or an "age appropriate" problem.</r>

 

[akmom]

I don't remember exactly when my kids stopped interrupting phone conversations, but they are 6 and 3 and don't typically interrupt me now. I do remember when my daughter was younger that I had to pause a lot of conversations to tell her that I cannot hear two people talk at the same time, so she will have to wait until I'm off the phone. Now they only interrupt if it's "urgent." They aren't like adults who will see you on the phone and automatically lower their voices and take care not to interrupt except for the most dire reasons... not at all. I have to alert them each before a phone call, and remind them that I'll be on the phone, and give them a chance to express any needs they might have so that I can address them before the conversation. Then they might still need to be reminded to lower their voices (we have a signal for this), and of course they have a pretty broad interpretation of "emergency." But generally I do not have to terminate a conversation unless it's an actual emergency. So I don't know if I would say your niece's behavior is abnormal, but I would definitely say that it's not inevitable. I think eight-year-olds are capable of restraining themselves from interrupting, but they're not going to do it just because they're eight; it has to be taught and reinforced.

Perhaps your sister doesn't give her enough "undivided" attention, so that she feels compelled to squeeze some in anywhere she can get. Perhaps her mom doesn't even notice. It's easy to blow kids off when they're pesky. Sometimes I have to make a concerted effort to listen to mine. (My husband and I remind each other about this when one of us gets a little distant with the kids.) I definitely notice that days when my daughter and I have a quality conversation in the morning (uninterrupted), she shows more restraint. Sometimes I feel like she's playing 20 questions with me simply because she didn't get enough interaction that day!