creative self-esteem for 2 year old...

[BethInAK]

Since monk was very small I've drawn for him at restaurants etc. He used to draw too. But lately if I say "Why don't you draw a bunny" he says "I'm not very good at this. You draw the bunny, mom".

This makes me want to cry. My adult mediocre drawing skills have ruined my sons self-esteem already. Ok, yes, thats over the top but it makes me feel crummy.

i think part of the problem is that his daycare is the kind that sends the kids home with amazing art projects - of course the teacher does most of the project. I understand this as the five kids in his room are 15 months to age 3, but at the same time i'd really prefer a bunch of brown smushy fingerpaints to hang on the fridge than the gorgeous turkey printed from his painted hand. I'm hoping that when we start a different school in june, when he is three, that he will see the other kids making brown smushy paintings and understand that its what he's supposed to make.

In the meantime, what can i do to encourage him to draw? Should i stop drawing for him?

 

[evilbrent]

stop directing him to draw things.

start acknowledging what he HAS drawn. "Oh right, I can see a line and a circle, and I like this big purple section. That looks like it was fun to draw."

most importantly, ask him how HE feels about his drawing. It is irrelevant how you feel. let him know, even if you have to refuse his requests to do it for him, that it's irrelevant whether or not it gets done well, by anyone. If he feels good drawing a rabbit, then he'll draw one. If he feels good drawing something else, he'll draw that.

If he doesn't feel good drawing anything at the moment, then it's time to stop drawing. His interests don't lie that way.

Yeah, stop drawing for him. You make it into a success/failure thing then - as if the goal of drawing were to produce the Result, not to feel good.

BTW, 2 years old is old enough to be just enjoying shape and colour and lines. expecting Results is putting pressure on kids and training them to be results producers (am reading fabulous book on this very topic, see.)

 

[evilbrent]

the way to build a kid's self esteem with drawing is, I believe, to just acknowledge what they've done - literally. Just describe back to them what you see.

Attach absolutely no value judgements, good or bad. Every time you say how they screwed up - well... that's obvious. But every time you say "Good boy" for a drawing, you tell them that your opinion counts, and they'll be less likely to take a risk next time.

 

[musicmom]

I just tell my kids "I really like how you think and it shows in your drawings" Of course mine are bigger then two. I have never put down anything they've done. They know I draw better then them, that's just part of being a grown up.
I remember being told that when I was little and knew when I grew up I would be better at it. It actually made me strive harder to do it better. lol

I wouldn't push the issue. He'll draw when he wants to draw. Kids like to draw when they have new markers or crayons. Go buy chalk sticks and draw on your drive way.

 

[BethInAK]

for the record, i do NOT put down his artwork or say he "screwed up" - he seems to have figured out that his drawing abilities aren't as good as mine or ms sheilas on his own. I do praise it though - and i think i'll continue to do so for putting a pen on the paper. I will stop pushing him to draw though - probably not a good idea with an obstinant 2 year old.

 

[BethInAK]

ps. sha', sadly my driveway is GRAVEL!! its a bummer!

 

[musicmom]

ps. sha', sadly my driveway is GRAVEL!! its a bummer!

oh hahaha, yea that would be kinda hard huh?

I didn't think you put down your son's artwork, sorry if it came off that way. You sound like a good mom and not a nut case.
I'm sure he'll pick up drawing again. Kids can be so stubborn. That reminds me, I'm going to get the chalk board out for mine. They are bored and driving me nuts right now.

 

[mum4mygals]

BethInAK, Have you tried understanding it from the day care teachers, and let them know your point of view?
I personally communicate a lot with my gal's teacher on her progress just to get in touch with how she is doing, of coz there need to be a line drawn between breathing down the neck and monitoring.....

I agree that you should stop drawing for him...

 

[evilbrent]

for the record, i do NOT put down his artwork or say he "screwed up" - he seems to have figured out that his drawing abilities aren't as good as mine or ms sheilas on his own. I do praise it though - and i think i'll continue to do so for putting a pen on the paper. I will stop pushing him to draw though - probably not a good idea with an obstinant 2 year old.

oh, I wasn't suggesting that you were.

"I really like how you think and it shows in your drawings" is a really good way of phrasing it.

it seems like a really minor thing to do - to praise your kid's work, "What a good drawing." but when you do you make it about you and your opinion of the drawing.

What sort of praise do you use? We might be talking at cross-purposes here - but I do think that it's close to the heart of the problem.

 

[BethInAK]

hm. Praise. i guess i talk about what he's drawn and how nice it is "Oh look - you drew circles!! And colored them in pink!! Thats great!"

i'm thinking perhaps that i won't push him to draw for awhile. If he draws I'll just let him draw unless he shows the drawing to me and says "Look mom a ______________________". And I won't draw unless he asks me to.

And as for daycare...I'm not going to be able to convince ms sheila to give up her art projects. But I am sending him to a different school in june when he is three - hopefully he will see there that the other kids dont' draw as well as mommy.

 

[evilbrent]

Ok, so that's not the sort of praise I'm talking about. That's a different thing from saying "Your circles are suitably round, and your coloring-in has been done evenly and within the lines. This is a Good Drawing, therefore you are a Good Boy and you have my momentary conditional love."

Maybe sidetrack him with a re-question: ask him to tell you how. if he asks you to draw the rabbit for him maybe you could say "Ok, I'll draw a big circle for a body. What's next? Wings? Flippers? Wheels? Feet?? oh, right!!! feet. Ok, where do the feet go." ... you might even find him taking over, rolling his eyes, to do it properly.

 

[BethInAK]

LOL, I'm definitely a free-wheeling kind of art person and not a color in the lines person. He doesnt' know about coloring in the lines !

He'd absolutely correct me if I said the feet went in the wrong place. I think he's an engineer or something (hehe at engineer dig for brent) in the making.

Perhaps i'm making a mountain out of a molehill. I just really enjoy art - and would love my child to love it too.

 

[FooserX]

Evil's right - at 2 years old, no one should expect anything other than a line or a circle.

My son was the same way until about 3. He didn't like drawing with me because he didn't know how. I just drew easy things with easy shapes. Faces, rockets....fish...boats.

Once they get older, they grow out of being insecure about that and let their imaginations take over

 

[mum4mygals]

Agree, at 2 yrs, one should not expect anything more than shapes, or imaginative : ' ah, that looked like a happy face... ' with a circle with dots....

Not sure if they will grow out of their insecurities though as they grow older, I think the older they are, the more aware they will feel...

 

[FionnaK]

Funny because Alton does the same thing. As soon as he saw me draw things he now asks me to draw and refuses to draw! So maybe this is normal?!

 

[EHB]

It might be best if you simply ask him to draw something for you, instead of suggesting what to draw. We all have things we prefer to draw that we feel competent drawing. If the goal is to encourage him to draw, perhaps just asking him to draw something for you would be better?

 

[EHB]

the way to build a kid's self esteem with drawing is, I believe, to just acknowledge what they've done - literally. Just describe back to them what you see.

Attach absolutely no value judgements, good or bad. Every time you say how they screwed up - well... that's obvious. But every time you say "Good boy" for a drawing, you tell them that your opinion counts, and they'll be less likely to take a risk next time.

What worked with my kids was to simply ask them to describe what they had drawn. I got sucked into describing what I saw, but got it wrong so many times, it would upset the children. Now I simply say, "Thanks for making me that. Would you like to describe what you have drawn for me?"

 

[BethInAK]

I tried the technique suggested by Brent that I draw and have him show me where the feet went and it worked amazingly well. I drew a bowling pin shape for a penguin and said "monk, i am trying to draw a penguin but I cant' remember where the feet go. Where do they go- do they go here?". He grabbed a pen and drew two feet on the penguin. Really good feet too, I was rather surprised. And then we did the beak and the wings and the eyes and the penguin looked really cute.

I'm happy!

 

[Shari Nielsen]

Great idea - I may try that w/ my little guys when they get a little older. I'm glad to hear that its working for you.

How does he do w/ other types of creative play - playdo? sandbox? building w/ blocks? dance? Try to link praise for these activities to praise for his drawings. Try to get him to feel just as proud of his drawings as he does of his play-do sculptures by using some of the same phrases.

 

[BethInAK]

How does he do w/ other types of creative play - playdo? sandbox? building w/ blocks? dance? Try to link praise for these activities to praise for his drawings. Try to get him to feel just as proud of his drawings as he does of his play-do sculptures by using some of the same phrases.

Monk is a fantastic pretender. His hand is a crab that crawls on me and tells me stories, he loves to act out his favorite book series (hairy maclary - he's usually hairy and I'm SCARFACE CLAW) and he loves pretending with "critters' - toy animals or characters. But the playdoh thing is the same as the drawing - he asks me to make him snakes that he then plays with.

I have to say that since the penguin thing he's been drawing just fine. Last night he was drawing "mickey mouse lizards" whatever that is.