Crying reassurance...

[Twin Wrangler]

Hey guys!

My wife and I have recently gotten into arguements lately about if we're doing a good job or not. The reasoning for us thinking that we're doing a bad job I that or twin girls cry every single day something 4-5 times a day. The most frustrating thing they cry about is when they don't get their way. We have tried redirection and ignoring. Hasn't worked yet. My wife thinks there is something mentally wrong with our children. My mother told me I cried everyday till I was 13 so I think it's normal, or at least decently normal because I turned out fine. Just looking for some advice, experiences and maybe reassurance. Thanks.

Mike

 

[Incogneato]

Our son cries every day.. he's 13 months old. If we leave the room to make his food, do chores, whatever.. he'll stand at the gate that keeps him on the "safe side" of the house and cry/wail. He cries for no apparent reason sometimes, other times he cries because his teeth are coming in and he's uncomfortable... he cries at night when he has a bad dream/night terrors... it's just alot of crying. We've pretty much gotten used to it and I'm sure he'll work out of it eventually.


My point.. is that babies cry...alot. I don't think it's necessarily an indicator of how good of a job you're doing as a parent.

 

[IADad]

I think crying at 2-3yo is one of those difficulty communicating things issues, same reason kids bite or throw things, their language deveoplemnt is at a stage where they can't communicate everything their brain wants to. they get frustrated. So, I agree with everything you're doing re-directing and not giving in when they cry to get what they want. Staying firm on that will pay you big dividends in a few years. At some point here I think you can use "when you're ready to stop crying we can talk about it, but I can't talk with you about it while you're crying."

 

[mom2many]

How old are they?

 

[IADad]

How old are they?

M2M - his intro post said 2 yo twins...

 

[mom2many]

M2M - his intro post said 2 yo twins...

Well I completely missed that and I read the intro


Okay since they are only 2 it is completely normal. They have so much they want to do, so much they want to say, but they don;t have proper skills when it comes to dealing with it. Be patient and persistent and they will get it.

 

[Twin Wrangler]

Thank you all for the reassurance! I have the built in daddy mute but my wife has a harder time dealing with the crying and I almost have to restrain her to stop her from giving in to them. I feel, as long as I know they're ok, then they can cry till there hearts content. Thanks again

 

[NancyM]

Yes it's normal, they can't communicate any other way. That's how they express what they want, or don't want. And yeah they cry when they can't get they want because they just live for the moment. If you walk out of a room, they have no clue that you'll be back in a minute, they just see that you're gone right now. It's forever to them.
They have NO concept of time.

If they want something they can't have, they don't realize that in a few minutes they will play with another toy and will be happy!! You have to show them that. They live for the moment!

If you ignore them they don't understand that, It scares them, your the two people they need the most, they think you don't hear them and probably yell louder.

Babies think they are the only things that exisit. They don't know any better yet. They will eventually, but you have to help them by showing them your always going to respond to their needs. It gives them a sense of security. And slowly but surely they will become less dependent.

You just have to keep going to them, handing them toys if they loose them, comforting them, maybe holding them, than put them down with another distraction, or maybe separate them a little and see what happens. lol might be interesting.

Two year olds are tough, I can't imagine having 2 of them at one time, so you have my blessing there.

Good luck.:yes:

 

[tadamsmar]

Deleted

 

[tadamsmar]

Keep ignoring and praise them when they stop crying specifically for their self control. Give lots of face time when they are not crying.

What you describe seems to be in the normal range for 2 yos. But it's not too early to start laying the groundwork for the future as IADad pointed out.

 

[tadamsmar]

Ignoring does not work well unless you also praise the opposite behavior. Not crying and self-control is the opposite in this case.

Redirection probably will not work, might be counter-productive to the extent that it has you reinforcing the unwanted behavior by giving the kids attention and face time.

 

[bssage]

Hey guys!

My wife and I have recently gotten into arguements lately about if we're doing a good job or not.

Mike

I guess the good news is, what you said means you <U>are</U> being good parents.

It has been my experience that sometimes what works for me: May not work for you. The same can be said for the differences between mothers and father: Parents and teachers. And at times is true between what worked yesterday and today. IMHO its really a dynamic occupation and is ever changing. I am going out on a limb here. But I would guess a lot of the success the parents on the forum have had for different issues involved some amount of trail and error. A lot of the successes for issues like this I have had involved exchanging information between vested parties to find the magic formula. Which sounds like what you have done with your wife. And what you are currently doing on the forum. I would try and discuss rather than argue.

I would say I have had the most success with this type of thing either by "Active listening" with my son. Or simply a calm reassuring presence with my daughter. My wife would tell you she has had some success with talking it out with our son. And letting our daughter cry it out. There are reasons for all these method's and I cannot say one is right or wrong.

I dont know the age of your girls. But I would say if they are able to communicate. The "Active Listening" would be my preferred method. Its time consuming but can also be very interesting. I have had a lot of success with it.

Oh and good parents. The best parents are the ones who make mistakes. I dont personally know a single person I consider to be a "good parent" who has not totally screwed up now and again.

 

[alter ego]

My toddlers get very frustrated and will 'whinge' a few times a day (rather than actual 'upset' tears) especially now I am huge and pregnant, and cant always do what they want (ie carry them both at the same time, take them both swimming)
It will pass!

 

[jack123]

Well it is totally normal for kids to cry. Their behavior as kids doesnt reflect anything about how they will grow up to be, so dont worry at all. One of my uncle would tells his kids to cry more louder, and also would ignore their demands, they would eventually get tired and stop crying.

 

[LovingDad16]

When my kids cry, I usually stick them in a locked closet with enough food and water for 24 hours, and designate a "potty corner". As a result, my children almost never cried after experiencing the "cry closet" a time or two.

 

[parentastic]

My wife and I have recently gotten into arguements lately about if we're doing a good job or not. The reasoning for us thinking that we're doing a bad job I that or twin girls cry every single day something 4-5 times a day.

It would be easier to help you with your question if you could provide the context in which they cry.
Crying (especially at 2 years old) is quite normal - it's an expression of a need for children who, at that age, have very little other ways to express themselves, until they are taught other means to express themselves.
And the more you will listen (really listen, not just hear) to what they might be really saying or needing under the cries, and then teaching them how to express this in a different way, the more they will learn to use other tools to express their needs.

2 years old is also a moment when the brain development requires the child to dissociate from the parent and discover a separate identity, hence a need to be counter-dependent (the "no" stage). Depending on how you handle this phase, helping or hindering your child to build a separate identity, it may generate more or less cries.
I would need more background to help.

 

[Jessy]

Its normal nothing to worry about it.

When they start crying just take them in the arms and divert there mind to something else as you can show them something outside the window or anything in home.

Or best way is to make noise from spoon or there are also an toys that make noise so when thy hear it they would definitely stop crying.

 

[tadamsmar]

I have a Native American flute. If I play a tune for my grandkids they stop crying. I think perhaps they need to stop crying to listen to interesting sounds.

This does not work when they get to age 2 or 3.

 

[anrawool]

You are still lucky that they only cry. My son had this habit of crying and then he vomits everything we have fed him.

This was kind of a ritual for us everyday. Finally got over it by diverting his mind to new activities. With his attention on new activities his crying reduced eventually.

Now he does not cry. The only downside is that now we have to come up with new activities for him everyday.