Over the last few years my daughter has told me she wanted a tattoo and I said no.. I over heard her telling her fiance that when she turned 18 she wanted to go get a small heart or flower on her wrist.. I don't want her getting a tattoo and I told her that she better not get one because we have an agreement (that when her and her fiance get married they can live in the house and pay me rent.) She said that once she was 18 that I couldn't stop her and when she started paying me rent that I would be her landlord. I have a tattoo which I stupidly got a year ago after her father and I separated and I regret it because due to my sensitive skin I was allergic to the ink and her did it so deep I still have scar tissue so my tattoo is itchy and it is bumpy.. Anyone she says that I'm so controlling but I think its nice that I'm letting her live here with her husband and I don't think that asking her to not get a tattoo is a big deal..
Daughter getting a tattoo...
- Thread starter SusyLoren
- Start date
That's asking? Wow.SusyLoren said:
To answer your question - No, I don't think that asking her to not get a tattoo is a big deal. However, unless I misunderstood your post, you threatened to go back your agreement to let her live with you while paying rent if she, as an adult, got a tattoo. That, IMO, does come across as rather controlling.
What I would do in your shoes, is to explain to her that you had a bad experience with being allergic to the tattoo ink, and you are afraid that she might have inherited this allergy from you, and end up suffering the same discomfort as you. (She could, of course, have a test done to check if she's allergic before she gets that tattoo) Also, I would talk to her about possibly reconsider the location of the tattoo she wants to get - (the wrist is a highly visible and hard to cover location, unless its small enough to cover with a watch or bangle). You might even tell her that you would prefer that she doesn't get one, but after that, you have no right to prescribe to her, as an adult, what she has can and can't do with her own body, as long as it is legal.
I'm with singledad on this one. I would encourage her to get tested to see if she might have an allergic reaction to the ink as you did. Then if she isn't, and she's still dead set on it, help her research a bit for a reputable artist and shop. Check the better business bureau, references, valid licenses, etc. Go to a consultation with her and help her ask questions about design, placement, possible side effects, etc. You aren't going to be able to stop her from getting a tattoo once she is a legal adult, but you will be able to help her understand what it is she is getting into and you probably will walk away with a good bit of knowledge as well. Not allowing her to live with you and pay rent because she has a tattoo seems a bit much to me. But helping her make an informed decision seems like a 'good parent' thing to do. Good luck!
I just don;t see it as a big deal, as long as it s kept in a spot that can be covered when it is needed then it is her body, her choice. My 19 year old just came home with her 3rd, I wasn't happy not cause she got it but because she let's her friend practice on her...at least this one looks good.
I also got my first at 38, it has meaning if she picks something that means something she will never regret it. I do agree that she should get a test one first cause when you described of your would drive me crazy.
I also got my first at 38, it has meaning if she picks something that means something she will never regret it. I do agree that she should get a test one first cause when you described of your would drive me crazy.
As much as I'm not a huge fan of tattoos (mostly I just don't understand, I guess) I gottat say that it seems like she wants to do something it's legal for her to do. Yes, It's nice of you to offer them a place to live cheaply, but should that offer really come with conditions (beyond the things you don't want going on in your home, you have every right to keep a safe clean home, and just because you have a landlord relationship with your daughter doesn't mean she has the same rights as a renter, usually the rules are a little different when you're renting space in your home. I guess it comes down in part to the question are you willing to drive a wedge between you over this?
Tell her you want her to get it because you and all your "old" friends think they are cool. Once you take the the fun out of it, she probably would rethink.
They are the in thing now, just like ear lobe stretching was a few years ago. Ear lobes stretching is now out and there are a whole lot of silly looking earlobes out there.
Explain that she probably won't be taken very seriously in life of she has a dumb/childish tattoo showing when she is trying to be taken seriously in the future.
Don't get me wrong, in my opinion, tattoos with personal meaning behind them are often nice or thought provoking, sometimes beautiful but the "just because" tattoos look silly, and always will.
They are the in thing now, just like ear lobe stretching was a few years ago. Ear lobes stretching is now out and there are a whole lot of silly looking earlobes out there.
Explain that she probably won't be taken very seriously in life of she has a dumb/childish tattoo showing when she is trying to be taken seriously in the future.
Don't get me wrong, in my opinion, tattoos with personal meaning behind them are often nice or thought provoking, sometimes beautiful but the "just because" tattoos look silly, and always will.
i agree with the last poster. too many people nowadays get very silly and meaningless tattoos. it's just my opinion, but stuff like a line of stars, or people tattooing their own names... hmm... no comment.
if you are to decorate your body permanently, it should at least be artistic or personally meaningful.
also tattoos have this "time effect" -- what looks cool on a young body, will not be as nice as you get old.
if you are to decorate your body permanently, it should at least be artistic or personally meaningful.
also tattoos have this "time effect" -- what looks cool on a young body, will not be as nice as you get old.
I have to agree with Tabasco Natalie. If your daughter wants a tattoo, do not disapprove or worse forbid, but explain these points and even if she goes on with the idea after that, make sure she gets one at a good and safe tattoo place, so she will not get the side effects you got.
I gotta disagree here. I'm not for tattoos, but if the girl is married and 18, she is an adult and fully capable of making decisions about her own body. Honestly, I don't see how it's any of your business any more. Yes, she is living under your roof, but someday you're going to have to start treating her like the adult she is and not like your little girl. Hard to do, but it's a fact of life.
I would tell her that before she does it to picture what she is going to look like at 8- years old with that tattoo on her.
I would tell her that before she does it to picture what she is going to look like at 8- years old with that tattoo on her.
well, if she wants it very badly, she will do it anyways. and after it's done, it's done. and then there's no point in objections.
however, while she is planning, it is very right to express your concerns, and try to find logical arguments, rather than "I don't want it". So if she makes that decision, so it is at least an informed one. Actually, good quality tattoos by professional artists cost a lot of money. Does she have that amount? If that's not the case, there are many risks involved -- from infection to an allergic reaction. Not all tattoo artists are that responsible and honest.
however, while she is planning, it is very right to express your concerns, and try to find logical arguments, rather than "I don't want it". So if she makes that decision, so it is at least an informed one. Actually, good quality tattoos by professional artists cost a lot of money. Does she have that amount? If that's not the case, there are many risks involved -- from infection to an allergic reaction. Not all tattoo artists are that responsible and honest.
My sister's 17 year old son was the same. Sos she arranged for him to sit in and watch a friend get a tattoo done. He quickly changed his mind when the tattooist told a whole lot of horror stories that happened. Most probably weren't true, but my Nephew now has no desire for a tattoo
I love the idea about talking to her about your experiences with the ink.
One think parents have to be mindful of is demanding that their children don't do somthing.
While I dont see the big deal here (I have 2 tats and I allowed my 18yo to get one after we discussed the placement of it) I do understant that tattoos are very personal and some people just don't like them.
The bottom line is that she is that when she turns 18, she can in fact get a tattoo wherever she wants it. Why not talk to her about it and help to guide her through the process?
Aurelia
Parenting My Teen
One think parents have to be mindful of is demanding that their children don't do somthing.
While I dont see the big deal here (I have 2 tats and I allowed my 18yo to get one after we discussed the placement of it) I do understant that tattoos are very personal and some people just don't like them.
The bottom line is that she is that when she turns 18, she can in fact get a tattoo wherever she wants it. Why not talk to her about it and help to guide her through the process?
Aurelia
Parenting My Teen
I think its slightly ironic that you think your daughter is mature and intelligent enough to get married, but you won't trust her judgement when it comes to getting a tattoo.
I also want to point out that every shop uses different inks. Many even make their own. So whatever was in your ink that gave you a reaction might not be in the ink used for your daughter.
In the end, I think you should make your opinion known (which you have) and then back off. When she's 18 she can do what she wants and chastising and threatening her won't do anything but hurt your relationship.
I also want to point out that every shop uses different inks. Many even make their own. So whatever was in your ink that gave you a reaction might not be in the ink used for your daughter.
In the end, I think you should make your opinion known (which you have) and then back off. When she's 18 she can do what she wants and chastising and threatening her won't do anything but hurt your relationship.
your daughter body is changing, growing - whatever looks nice on skin now not necessarily will look good when she gets older. She needs to realized that
i agree. if shes old enough to enter a commited relationship shes old enough to get a tattoo.kdryan said:
just encourage her to get allergy tested, chose a fairly 'normal' design, and find a good tattoo artist
Bottom line is this: are you prepared to follow through on not letting them stay with you if she does get the tat? I agree with others, demanding that she doesn't get it is not going to help your cause at all. Discuss with her why you don't want her to get it (ink allergy, people judging, etc) and then it is up to her. I also agree that if she does want to get it, where it is is a big deal. Does she know what she wants to do with her life, job wise? Lots of employers will frown upon a tattoo and not hire someone just for that reason. It should be completely coverable and I am not sure even with a watch or bangle, something on the wrist would be covered completely.