Daughter wants to look more feminine...

S

samanthab

Junior Member
Jun 24, 2008
4
0
0
54
<t>Hello,<br/>
I need your advice. As you all maybe know, our daughter Becky is 14 years old (Marc is 8) and a rhythmic gymnast. She wants to get to know boys. She wants a boyfriend as she told me. Her friends (14, 15) have boyfriends already. Becky is very sad that she hasn’t any boyfriend, especially during the holidays (first love etc.). She added that her friends are more feminine than her. They wear bikinis (even thong ones), make-up, high-heeled pumps and costume jewelries.<br/>
<br/>
We will drive to the ocean on holidays. Becky said to me that she wants to look more feminine then and later at home, too. She wants to wear a one-piece swimsuit. I shall help her to furl the swimsuit’s leg cut as far as possible above her hipbones to make her legs looking even longer. In addition, I have to snatch up the suit’s bottom part and putting it between her buttocks to create a thong look. Becky wants to get a fancy hairstyle, big wire earrings and lip gloss as well. She told me that she wants to wear this one-piece swimsuit/hairstyle/earrings/make-up combination in the evening, too, together with high-heeled pumps when we walk down the boardwalk along the beach (as we do every year).<br/>
<br/>
Well, I’m not that familiar with her desire style. But her friends wear such a style (thong bikinis etc.)! I want to support my daughter! What would you do? Do you have any tips for us?<br/>
<br/>
Greetings,<br/>
Samantha</t>
 
M

Momof12

PF Enthusiast
Oct 5, 2007
120
0
0
59
CA
Dear Samantha:</SIZE>[/FONT]
</SIZE>[/FONT]
Having a House full of daughters I walked down many roads with them. I am firm believer in keeping our children as young as they can be life, around them moves so quickly enough. Any of you in your 40's all know how quickly age sneaks up on you! As far as the clothing goes each for me ( Now I always say this because I never want to offend anyone) This is just me when they are still living in my home and I am buying thier clothes and feeding them they will dress with taste and class. I always tell my kids there are two types of people in this world Leaders and Followers they need need to know where they want to be. As parents we need to help guide them down the right path. The lip gloss is fine and even the hoops. I think you can find a Nice Swim Suit she will feel pretty in with out half her behind showing to the world.</SIZE>[/FONT]
</SIZE>[/FONT]
She may not like what you will tell her but I do believe children in the long run all want structure and truely need it. Good luck!!!</SIZE>[/FONT]
</SIZE>[/FONT]
</SIZE>[/FONT]
 
fallon

fallon

Super Moderator
Jul 19, 2007
10,868
1
0
42
Michigan
honestly...she can dress feminine without looking like a street walker. There is no chance I would allow a 14 to wear a thong, or heels. Find some cute clothes you can both agree on and go from there. If you let her do thins she WILL be attract the wrong kind of attention and could very well get herself into a bad situation
 
Trina

Trina

PF Addict
Jun 10, 2007
3,849
0
0
60
CT
fallon said:
honestly...she can dress feminine without looking like a street walker. There is no chance I would allow a 14 to wear a thong, or heels. Find some cute clothes you can both agree on and go from there. If you let her do thins she WILL be attract the wrong kind of attention and could very well get herself into a bad situation
Click to expand...

What fallon said!
 
F

Firefly4698

PF Enthusiast
Jun 25, 2008
115
0
0
39
I agree with what everyone else is saying, however you can help her dress more feminine without looking trashy. You must come to a supportive comprimise with her on this because we were all 14 once and I know that the more my parents told me that I could not do something, the more effort I put in to doing it without thier knowledge. She could do the same thing, for example taking outfits and makeup to school behind your back to change in to after she leaves the house. Then you would have no idea what she looks like when she is not around you. You should let her know that you are supportive of her desire for change in her look, but find some comprimise. Go shopping together, help her find feminine but not too revealing clothes, have a mother daughter make up session where you show her how to apply makeup properly with out over doing it, etc. I think things will work out better if she knows that you respect her desires and comprimise with her rather than just telling her what she is not allowed to do.
 
.:Kalli Rae:.

.:Kalli Rae:.

PF Fiend
Apr 18, 2008
1,186
0
0
Rapid City SD
I think there are some good advice in the posters. You need to be supportive but firm with her. It is good to look more feminine but that doesn't involve looking like a 14 yo hooker. Thongs, heels...you are asking for trouble. It's a scary place out there and that kind of clothing attracts the wrong kind of attention. Personally I think its the people who dress nicely and dress age-appropriately are more attractive than people who don't. She is just a little girl...let her grow up slowly, she will be all grown and (maybe) out of the house in 4 short years. Help her enjoy being 14.
 
C

Claire64

PF Fanatic
Mar 10, 2008
502
0
0
54
I agree with the other posters, there are ways to look more feminine without looking trashy.

For the beach, there are lots of bikinis and tankinis that are meant for teenage girls that aren't too revealing. American Eagle and Old Navy have lots.

Jewelery is fine, but I think high-heels should only be worn on special occasions, and only with a dress or skirt.

Firefly had a good idea about makeup, you should show her how to use it properly.
 
M

mandrsmom

PF Regular
Jun 13, 2008
72
0
0
52
Texas
Wow! I agree with everyone, compromise. Start slow with lip gloss and earings. I personally do not like thong bathing suits. Everytime my 16 year old dd and I buy her a new swimsuit, she has to model it in front of her father, before the tags come off. If he doesn't like it then, it goes back. Because of this my dd, knows what kind of swimsuits she can get, so it doesn't cause an argument.
 
M

mandrsmom

PF Regular
Jun 13, 2008
72
0
0
52
Texas
Oh another thing, boyfriends at 14 &amp; 15? Are these just at school boyfriends? My daughter was not allowed to date until she was 16. She could go out in groups, and have guy friends, but no one on one dates.
 
fallon

fallon

Super Moderator
Jul 19, 2007
10,868
1
0
42
Michigan
mandrsmom said:
Everytime my 16 year old dd and I buy her a new swimsuit, she has to model it in front of her father, before the tags come off. If he doesn't like it then, it goes back. Because of this my dd, knows what kind of swimsuits she can get, so it doesn't cause an argument.
Click to expand...
haha...I love that idea. I'm totally filing that away for later use :)
 
fallon

fallon

Super Moderator
Jul 19, 2007
10,868
1
0
42
Michigan
I'm picturing her in one of those really old fashion ones that covers down to their knees and elbows
 
M

mandrsmom

PF Regular
Jun 13, 2008
72
0
0
52
Texas
Delaney is really cute daddy, you better get ready it starts younger and younger. My 8 year old is already talking about boy's having crushes on her. I asked her if she has any crushes on any boys. her comment "NO WAY, boys are nasty, remember you told me that mommy?" Just as daddy is about to speak up she says "your not nasty daddy, your my best bud" She is such a daddy's girl!
 
Dadu2004

Dadu2004

PF Visionary
May 16, 2008
7,272
0
0
45
Cleveland, OH
Daddy's Rules for Dating
Your dad's rules for your boyfriend (or for you if you're a guy) :

Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them..

Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your fr iends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist..

Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a 'Barrier method' of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: 'early.'

Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more th an an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with strong romantic or sexual themes are to be avoided; movies which feature chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folkʼs homes are better.

Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi .. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, and then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top Bottom