Do you agree with my methods of discipline?...

[dadtom]

This will be a lengthy post so if you don't like reading so much do not read on.
Ok so I have noticed that from a young age both of my sons do not react to corner time, lecturing, time outs ect. They did however like it when they got rewarded however didn't strive to do good because of it so it wasn't a way to discipline.
Until 3 years ago the only way I saw that my kids (and I know other children act differently) would respond to discipline, be it punishment or reward was spanking. As my first child got to age 8 I knew I had to find another way to discipline my sons that didn't' involve physical punishment, as I think you will agree they were clearly to old for this to be the only way I was able to punish them.
Anyway so that was back then so now the question I am asking is do you agree with what I do now.
The punishment in our house now isn't any of the listed above but more a reverse grounding. Instead of taking something away I planned on giving my child something they didn't like for a week. For example instead of them being able to eat sweets for a week they would only be aloud to snack on celery. I thought through a few options of things my sons didn't like (as they are similar it would probably be the same thing) and noticed that my children are actually quite open and didn't care to much about luxuries or toys ect. Then I thought about how I could change some necessities. I realized that even though it be a awkward piece of clothing to talk about that they both wore boxer shorts because they didn't like briefs. that was the punishment I had thought of. that they would have to wear briefs in the place of boxers for a week.
I then thought into it further and realized the reason that spanking was the only successful punishment before was because it gave a immediate reaction with a lasting effect for my child to think on. So this is the end product that I came up with on the punishment a few years ago.

Once I found out that my son had done something wrong eg. got into a fight at school I would go to his room and replace the boxers in his underwear draw with briefs. Then so it was more immediate (no one in my house is judgemental so this is not embarrassing) I would go up to my on and ask Did you do (for example) punch your brother and then swear at him. Regardless I wouldn't be carrying out this punishment if I was 100% on that he had done it. I would then for him take off his normal underwear and put on briefs 9on the spot wherever he is as long as its in the house) and that would be it. In a week I would change back his underwear.
I don't know other parents views but this has been effective for me, very effective and I am not planning on changing it but what is your opinion on this way of punishment. For your child it may be replacing their xbox with a board game for a week but what do you think of this.
Well thanks for reading and I can only ask that you don't post other methods and only views on what I have said.

 

[Xero]

Well, I guess it's <I>almost </I>an okay idea, but I can't really agree with your specific choices. For one, you are punishing them by making them do something they should already be doing as part of a healthy lifestyle (snacking on healthy food like veggies as opposed to chips and cookies or whatever). Not only should that not be a punishment (rather it should be something you encourage daily on the norm), but celery or what have you should not be made out to be a negative thing. They are going to grow up associating healthy food with punishment and negativity. Don't know if any good can really come of that.

On to the underwear thing, that is just too personal and awkward. I personally think you can come up with some much better, less weird ideas to punish them with (you know, that don't involve, well, their UNDERWEAR). Maybe I'm over thinking it, but lets just say these were daughters we are talking about. It would be okay to go in and replace all of their preferred cut of underwear with granny panties or whatever? And are you also sure that if somehow this came up in school or to a teacher or another adult that your boys are wearing a certain kind of underwear as punishment from their father? You think that would go over well with absolutely no misunderstandings? lol Just think it through a little.

I really don't understand how grounding/taking things away or even a "natural consequences" approach can't work for most kids in most situations, though.

 

[dadtom]

Well, I guess it's <I>almost </I>an okay idea, but I can't really agree with your specific choices. For one, you are punishing them by making them do something they should already be doing as part of a healthy lifestyle (snacking on healthy food like veggies as opposed to chips and cookies or whatever). Not only should that not be a punishment (rather it should be something you encourage daily on the norm), but celery or what have you should not be made out to be a negative thing. They are going to grow up associating healthy food with punishment and negativity. Don't know if any good can really come of that.

On to the underwear thing, that is just too personal and awkward. I personally think you can come up with some much better, less weird ideas to punish them with (you know, that don't involve, well, their UNDERWEAR). Maybe I'm over thinking it, but lets just say these were daughters we are talking about. It would be okay to go in and replace all of their preferred cut of underwear with granny panties or whatever? And are you also sure that if somehow this came up in school or to a teacher or another adult that your boys are wearing a certain kind of underwear as punishment from their father? You think that would go over well with absolutely no misunderstandings? lol Just think it through a little.

I really don't understand how grounding/taking things away or even a "natural consequences" approach can't work for most kids in most situations, though.

I understand what you mean but my kids are to creative that unless I locked them in a cupboard they would find something else to occupy them so yes this is a bit awkward but the awkward part is over within 5 minutes and do you think spanking is a better alternative?

 

[singledad]

No, I don't agree.

I'm curious, though, since you're not interested in learning anything (you explicitly ask us not to make suggestions) what are you trying to achieve with this question?

 

[dadtom]

No, I don't agree.

I'm curious, though, since you're not interested in learning anything (you explicitly ask us not to make suggestions) what are you trying to achieve with this question?

I didn't ask this question to learn but to view and see if anyone could prove something that I couldn't answer. By you answering and showing your view I am learning how to be a better parent just not in such a direct way.

 

[cybele]

I think, with any punishment creative or traditional there are two things you have to think of:
1. What does this punishment say to the child? / What is being learned?
2. Is it viable?

Using the examples you gave, to me I just see "Healthy eating is a punishment rather than what should be done and enjoyed and junk food is a good thing" ...and to be honest the underwear one just leaves me scratching my head because that's just odd to me.

As for is it viable. It's probably one of the easier punishments to get around. Keep some boxers in your pillowcase and stash some junk food under the bed and suddenly there is no punishment. Easy peasy.

 

[pwsowner]

I have to agree with Xero and cybele. The healthy food is going to have a backwards effect and the underwear is a little strange.

 

[Xero]

I understand what you mean but my kids are to creative that unless I locked them in a cupboard they would find something else to occupy them so yes this is a bit awkward but the awkward part is over within 5 minutes and do you think spanking is a better alternative?

Okay, I guess I will say it a little less nicely so maybe you will see my viewpoint this time, punishing your child by making him wear a certain kind of underwear is WEIRD. And definitely not over in 5 minutes.

No, I do not agree with spanking.

 

[yunihara]

I personally think the underwear thing is really weird. I put myself in that situation and thought about how I would have felt if my dad took all my underwear and replaced it with something I didn't like, and then sat there and made sure I put it on and wore it for a week. It boarders on creepy to me.

I don't think spanking should be a first resort and often think there are better solutions to problems at hand. I'm not necessarily against it completely, and I have resorted to it on occasion, but I think there's a major problem happening if its the only thing that "works."

My children all react to the same punishment differently. When my twins were young, a time-out would be devastating to my son but my daughter would sit there and daydream and would often repeat the behavior that needed to stop, so we had to figure out what worked (taking away her crayons seemed to do the trick).

Saying groundings don't work because they manage to entertain themselves... of course they will. If I ground one of my children, like, let's say, they can't go out, aside from school, for a week and can't watch television or talk on the phone during that time, they will entertain themselves for a day or two before getting utterly frustrated by the lack of freedom. Spending a day in your room can get boring, too, if they don't have a bunch of electronics and things like that in the room.

Discipline is more than just getting the kid to stop the behavior instantly. Changing habits takes time, like quitting smoking or coffee cold turkey doesn't change your mindset in regards to those things and sets you up to repeat the behaviors during an impulsive moment.

Also, I have to agree with everyone here in regards to healthy food. kids shouldn't be given sweets regularly anyway, and turning healthy food into punishment and sweets into rewards often leads to eating disorders and obesity.

 

[LvMyLaxKid]

I agree with the others, that the underwear thing is pretty strange. And health food as a punishment seems wrong as well.

This story is making me scratch my head, wondering if we're dealing with a troll..........:skeptical:

 

[singledad]

I didn't ask this question to learn but to view and see if anyone could prove something that I couldn't answer. By you answering and showing your view I am learning how to be a better parent just not in such a direct way.

So, in short, you want us to to tell you how you are wrong, and allow you to argue with us, after you've already stated that you are not open to accepting that you are wrong and that there are better ways?

You know what? I'm not going to waste my time arguing with you. I will merely ask you a question -
In what way do you invisage that forcing your sons the change underwear in front of you, and be uncomfortable for a weak, will teach then how to tell the difference between wrong and right? How will it build their characters, self-respect and personal moral compass? Simply put - what do they actually learn from that?

 

[MarkLakewood336]

I respectfully disagree with your new discipline. Your forms of discipline are definitely punitive. But in my opinion, you would be a more effective disciplinarian if you focused on natural or logical consequences. Kids learn more from consequences when they are directly related to the misbehavior. Also, I don't know the ages of your children, but punishments or consequences that lasts a week or more can lose its effectiveness especially when your child has a limited attention span.

 

[mom2many]

Whats your point then?

If you want an honest discussion, then stick around. If you want to just argue then move on.

There's no point in posting if your intent is not to become an active and engaging member of this forum. If you are here to only make your point...then find somewhere else. I don't have the patience, nor am I feeling charitable with these types of post anymore.

 

[parentastic]

I agree with the others, that the underwear thing is pretty strange. And health food as a punishment seems wrong as well.

This story is making me scratch my head, wondering if we're dealing with a troll..........:skeptical:

Same reflection here. Troll radar is on.:radar:

 

[akmom]

Oh come on, I'm sure you can find some music they don't like and play it in their room for the evening following the offense. Opera? Polka? Same basic idea, but it's gotta be better than celery and underwear punishments.

 

[singledad]

Ah, but we're not allowed to suggest alternatives. I assume it would be too easy for us to motivate why it's better, and to hard for him to find excuses to shoot it down... LOL.

Don't worry, I don't believe any of this is real...

 

[LvMyLaxKid]

Or he can make them wear their underwear on their head to school......

 

[cybele]

That said, blasting opera music sounds like a pretty good punishment.

 

[TabascoNatalie]

Pfffff... Another weird underwear thread