Do you follow 'traditional' gender roles?...

[csdax]

I was busy working in my garden, today, teaching my 2 year old daughter how to mix concrete and set fence posts. Being an environmentalist, I was working on my latest project of building a raised platform for a 175 gallon rainwater tank for my vegetable garden.

In our house, we don't follow traditional gender roles at all. David does ALL the cooking and was the one who got up in the middle of the night to feed the kids when they were babies. When he's home he does probably 75% of the diaper changes. I'm the fixer, builder, I put up the shelves, and plumbed in the dishwasher. When we built a 'loft' in the garage for storage above the vehicles, I did most of the design and planning then we built it together, with me giving directions. David and I are both mechanical engineers, but he doesn't have the practical experience of DIY projects. (Left up to him, our loft would have been designed to withstand a magnitude 9 earthquake, been built out of stainless steel and would have cost more than the house.)

We built a deck three years ago. David designed the 'aesthetics' of what he wanted it to look like and I designed the structural part. When we actually built it, it was the hottest two weeks of the summer and I was six months pregnant. But I was out there doing everything that didn't involve heavy lifting, because there was no way I could let our then two year old daughter see Daddy and Granddad building a deck while the women brought them drinks.

Maybe it's just because I spend my time hanging around more 'typical' stay-at-home moms at playgroups, instead of being back in the engineering world, but I sometimes get the impression that I'm the only mom I know who can use a hammer. Is it really that unusual for people not to conform to the usual gender stereotypes?

 

[IADad]

No, we aren't stuck on traditional roles. I do most of the cooking and laundry, but also all of the diy stuff as I have the background for that. I probably did most of the diaper duty and I've always been the middle of the night on call for the kids guy. DW brings home the bigger paycheck. We also don't view our relationship aa50//50 deal, we prefer to think of it aa 100/100 split of duties, that way there's a chance everything might get done. And don't worry about the commas,I overuse ellipses way too much...

 

[singledad]

I can't really be bothered either way.

I have no problem doing traditionally "female" chores, but neither would I expect a SO to do traditionally "male" jobs if she didn't feel comfortable with it. In other words: I would most definitely not expect a pregnant SO to help me with DIY projects in the sun , but if it was that important to her, I'd be happy to accept her help. I just think there are more important considerations than gender stereotypes to look at when deciding who does what. Things like available time, ability, preference (ie. one partner might actually enjoy a particular task), etc.

I have to admit, though - I do get frustrated with women who act like they cannot possibly operate a hammer or screw driver. Amazingly, it is often the women who are wholly incapable of doing any traditionally male task, who complain the loudest that their husbands don't help out around the house enough...

 

[akmom]

My husband and I have pretty traditional gender roles. However, if I want something, I have to build it myself! That also means shoveling snow, mowing the lawn, and cutting/splitting firewood - pregnant or not.

I do almost 100% of the childcare. Part of that is because we chose to breastfeed, so that kind of cut him out of night feedings. But he also never changed diapers, bathed babies or dressed them, and there's no physiological barrier to those tasks!

I think we are both capable of doing almost any of the work, but I have been a stay-at-home mom since we had kids, so in reality I am the one who has time to do housework. So that's how we have divided things.

 

[stjohnjulie]

I've been in a relationship where the man's mechanical knowledge was limited to changing the batteries in the remote (and sometimes he needed help with that). But he still expected me to do all the 'woman's" work too.

My husband doesn't like me to do the 'man's work', but he has NO PROBLEM doing all the woman's work too. With our little one, he does most of the diaper changing and bathing because he goes to work later than I do and works less.

I've always enjoyed anything that involved construction. I worked for a couple of summers doing roofing, even more time being a painter, and still get all star eyed over power tools. I think it's best to instill in our kids that you should learn how to do things for yourself. It's an awesome feeling to be able to take care of yourself in every aspect from being able to remove the stain from your shirt to change the tire on your car.

My husband and I don't really have many tasks that are "his job" or "my job". I mean... I don't know how to change the breaks on my car, and he really can't use a computer, but that is when we ask each other for help

 

[cybele]

Were pretty evenly spread amongst things.

We both cook
We both clean
We both do gardening
We both take care of the kids
We both go to work

 

[NancyM]

I can't really be bothered either way.

I have no problem doing traditionally "female" chores, but neither would I expect a SO to do traditionally "male" jobs if she didn't feel comfortable with it. In other words: I would most definitely not expect a pregnant SO to help me with DIY projects in the sun , but if it was that important to her, I'd be happy to accept her help. I just think there are more important considerations than gender stereotypes to look at when deciding who does what. Things like available time, ability, preference (ie. one partner might actually enjoy a particular task), etc.

Awww that's cute.

I have to admit, though - I do get frustrated with women who act like they cannot possibly operate a hammer or screw driver. Amazingly, it is often the women who are wholly incapable of doing any traditionally male task, who complain the loudest that their husbands don't help out around the house enough...

Not this part though SD... lol I hate hammers, and would rather touch a bug (which I hate more) than use one. My husband works for the state in construction and building, so he's the man, so to speak for all that stuff. I do have my own tool box however, just don't open it much.

I have helped over the years with painting, and spackling. but didn't like one single minute of it.

I have to say I'd rather stick with traditional roles.

I never expected my husband to do 'female' jobs either although he is the cook in our family because he claims it's relaxing and really loves it. (which is fine with me lol) I do the cleaning though.

I do agree though that which ever partner is the one who's happens to be home more should do most of the house hold work. I think that's just common courtesy to the other.

 

[singledad]

lol I hate hammers, and would rather touch a bug (which I hate more) than use one. My husband works for the state in construction and building, so he's the man, so to speak for all that stuff. I do have my own tool box however, just don't open it much.

LOL - no, you don't need to be a DIY ninja. My gripe is with women who refuse to do traditionally male jobs, yet expect their husbands to help out with traditionally female jobs... It doesn't sound like you match that description

 

[mom2many]

My husband has the more traditional male role model, and I have the more traditional female model. However, I tend to do a lot of the DIY stuff. My husband has always made sure that when it comes to the cars I know my way around, which I do. That doesn't mean that we can't do each other's 'role's' it's just the way it works out. More because of his schedule then anything.

 

[NancyM]

Oh yeah the tire thing. My husband gave me that lesson too...I said thank you and pretended to be grateful but... I have AAA, my son, or one of my 3 big nephews if I get a flat. lol I never changed one and don't plan to. Not to mention I couldn't tighten the screws tight enough for me to feel safe driving it. If I could ever get them off that is.

I use to call my brother for everthing even when I was married because he would just come for me, I guess thats because we were raised the same way. lol

I'm really extremely self sufficient, it's just those certain (smelly) things I don't like to do. (And car tires do smell!)

 

[cybele]

Car tyres I can do. Actually, I think I can do them better than Ash, HAHA.

 

[akmom]

Not to mention I couldn't tighten the screws tight enough for me to feel safe driving it. If I could ever get them off that is.

I thought the same thing, till I had to do it. You just set the tire iron horizontal, with a slight upward angle, and jump on it. A few bounces and it will budge. Same goes for tightening the lug nuts on the spare tire... except you set it to the opposite side, of course. And pull over every 10 miles to re-tighten!

 

[NancyM]

Thank you Akmom, come to think of it, I think my husband did tell me something like that, I'd rather call the boys though. lol

 

[MNDad]

Well, we rent our townhouse, so if any repairs are necessary we just call maintenance. However, I did own my own home at one point and although I've never been the handyman type, I did find myself able to navigate through things as complicated as electrical wiring with the help of the Home Depot 1-2-3 book.

Otherwise, I must admit that I do much more around the house than my wife. we both work full-time, and I also maintain the pool in our complex during the summer, which takes another 1-2 hours a day. However, I do all of the laundry, most of the cleaning, and most of the cooking. Unfortunately, both my wife and I hate to cook, but I get stuck with most of it because I am better at throwing random stuff together than she is. She cooks ONLY when she has no choice (I'm not home).

The hardest thing for us is the differing work schedules. She works 8:30-5 M-F, while I work 10:30-7 M Tu Th F Sa. Once in a great while, I'll come home on a Saturday to a clean house and/or a dinner being made, but most of the time she waits for me so that I can cook. I have to say sometimes it irritates me a bit, but not usually to the point of saying anything about it.

 

[IADad]

I thought the same thing, till I had to do it. You just set the tire iron horizontal, with a slight upward angle, and jump on it. A few bounces and it will budge. Same goes for tightening the lug nuts on the spare tire... except you set it to the opposite side, of course. And pull over every 10 miles to re-tighten!

that and feel comfortable int the fact that the whole lug and nut system is incredibly over engineered. There isn't that much sideways force on wheels, especially rear wheels to really require 5 (or 6) lug nuts, it's designed for you to be safe even if a couple are loose or even missing. I know this because a shop once over-torqued the nuts and three of the lugs snapped off while driving, it made horrible clanging sounds as the broken off lugs and nuts hit the truck wheel well so I knew something was wrong, but the wheel never came off.

 

[NancyM]

that and feel comfortable int the fact that the whole lug and nut system is incredibly over engineered. There isn't that much sideways force on wheels, especially rear wheels to really require 5 (or 6) lug nuts, it's designed for you to be safe even if a couple are loose or even missing. I know this because a shop once over-torqued the nuts and three of the lugs snapped off while driving, it made horrible clanging sounds as the broken off lugs and nuts hit the truck wheel well so I knew something was wrong, but the wheel never came off.

I didn't know that about the design IADad, I was always afraid that if I didn't make them tight enough they would fall out as I drove. Thanks

 

[IADad]

oh and as for home jobs...I can report that a 5 year old can do a phenominal job of plugging a toilet. It took me over a half an hour of plunging before I finally got it flowing freely again...I was close to giving up and calling a plumber. I hate to call service people for things I can fix. I've fixed a dishwasher, a refrigerator, a water softener, a clothes dryer and several faucets, and a laptop display, along with plenty of construction. The cool thing is there are video clips all over the internet to show you how to do most things, and if you're smart, they can also help you determine when you're over your head and need a pro (like when a gas control valve went out on my oven.)

 

[akmom]

MNDad, do you have young children? Sometimes I will wait for my husband to come home before cooking dinner, because they get into these moods where they swarm me and get into everything I am doing, to the point that it's just not worth the hassle. I need someone to hold them at bay so I can cook! And naturally, if I haven't started anything, he often just does it himself when he comes home. But he has a good attitude about it, and I still do most of the housework.

 

[alter ego]

Nope. We have a set of clothes/toys/activities, and all the kids make their own choices about what they play/wear/etc
My nearly 10yo son went through a stage of loving pink, no stress here

 

[jack123]

It is unfair and not right to follow the traditional gender roles. Both guys and girls should be able to do each others work and thats what is important as that is when they will respect each other. Following traditional roles leads to discrimination, dissatisfaction and taking each other for granted. This should be avoided.