Do you think this is weird behaviour from my son?...

[josie]

My husband works away and isn't home in spaces of 8 weeks so I sleep alone in bed. About every other night my son will get up and say that he's lonely and wants to come in bed with me and when he's there he'll hold me really tight and will sometimes fall asleep with his arms around me. Sometimes he succeeds in getting into bed without me even noticing.

Do you think this is abnormal? Neither of his sisters have done it - one is 13 and the other's 4.

He's 7 by the way.

 

[FooserX]

Yes I think that is weird, but I don't know if I would say isn't damaging in anyway?

 

[meow_173]

i don't think so. I think he is just that...lonely, and wants to be with his mom.

 

[musicmom]

I'll allow my son to sleep in my bed as a reward. I don't see anything odd with it. I don't cuddle him in my sleep though. To me, he's still a little one.

 

[HappyMomma]

Would this have anything to do with it...

My youngest daughter is four and she's very clingy - my son doesn't get a look in. He's 7 and wants to be affectionate. He's very quiet and when I have a little alone time with him cuddling, my daughter always butts in!

 

[musicmom]

Super Mario Brothers!

 

[meow_173]

DEFINATLY! he wants some mom time!

 

[Cthru]

I don't think it's strange at all. Yes he's kind of a little old for that but I think it's just that he is an affectionate boy who loves you very much and feels safe and secure with you.

 

[Nikita]

I don't see any issue with it either. Just as he said, he probably is lonely and misses his dad. His clinging is probably his way to feel safe and loved.

 

[josie]

What I don't understand is that he's literally grabbing on to me...

 

[meow_173]

Maybe he doesn't see anything wrong with it because your daughter does it

 

[HappyMomma]

Have you actually talked to him about it? Not confrontationally but just communicate with him about his feelings?

 

[josie]

Last night when he came into bed with me I asked him what the problem was and he just said that he didn't want to be alone and then started grabbing me in his usual manner!

Should I just ask him outright? How would you go about it? His bedtime is in 5 minutes - do you think then would be a good time to talk?

 

[Sirk]

I think it's weird that a mom thinks it's weird that a 7 year old would want hugs.


Sounds like he's lacking something during waking hours that he's trying to get during sleeping ones.

 

[HappyMomma]

I would just ask questions (conversationally and gently) such as:
"Why do you think you feel lonely sometimes?"
"Do you ever have bad dreams?"
"What do you dream about?"

It's possible question of 'What is the problem?" May be a bit too broad for his age.

Just an idea, hopefully that will help get him to open up and give you some insight to what is going on.

 

[OneGiantStep]

Do you spend enough time with him?

Maybe he's just starving for attention; his dad isn't home so it may be crucial that you spend a lot of time with him.

 

[meow_173]

 

[josie]

Do you spend enough time with him?

Maybe he's just starving for attention; his dad isn't home so it may be crucial that you spend a lot of time with him.

I have three children and divide my time equally between them. He's quieter than my youngest daughter and has never been as clingy. She's growing out of this stage though.

I told him that his bed is nice and cosy and subtly asked him why he wanted to come into mine and again he said because he gets lonely but he also said to feel safe...

 

[meow_173]

safe from what??

 

[HappyMomma]

Yeah, I would be asking for more specifics (gently of course.)

Where is this insecurity coming from, is my biggest curiosity.