don't know what to do...

[momandmore]

My husband has custody of all of his children. The youngest 2 children are from his 2nd marriage. Ages 4 and 6. Their mom refuses to come and get them for her parenting time .. which in a way is a Godsend but I can't stand the way it hurts them. She calls and is never denied to speak with them on the phone except for one time when she called on her weekend after 10 pm .. from THE BAR!! :shocked:
She always promises them she will be here to pick them up and then right before pickup time, they are ready and waiting, ssends a text saying she's sick or she's 3 hours away. In the beginning I was just thinking, maybe she needs time. I would tell her daughters she was sick and didn't want to pass it on to them. Her parenting time started 3 months ago and she has seen them for one overnight when she was supposed to have them for the full weekend, her first weekend. (We go by the Indiana parenting time guidelines).

I know we can't force her to want to see her children but my husband and I both feel that this has gone on for too long. She calls and tells then she bought them things, has made plans to do (xxxxx) on specific visits but cancels at the last minute. This last weekend she didn't even contact until Sunday demanding to speak with them and it was her weekend. She spoke with the 4yo for 30 minutes on the phone and the 6 yo for 4 min. Yes... she cut her off at 4 minutes!!! As stated in my intro, the 6yo has always been pushed to the side.

I Do not understand how she got these visits in the first place as she is legally blind and can't care for herself as well as with her drug use and mental issues. I'm not saying that parents with mental issues shouldn't have their children by any means. Right before dad kicked her out she tried hanging herself in front of the children!!! Dad found her when he came home from work and cut the rope. Pics were taken of her neck.
She has given 4 different residences with 4 different roomates in the past week.


I'm sorry... I do wish to add that I text her to remind her when her visits are. She didn't ask about them for 2 months. nothing about them at all.



I'm sorry if this post is jumping around.. there are so many underlying circumstances... Any and all advice more than appreciated!!!

 

[bssage]

I dont know if you can make or establish a rule or guideline. But I would think instead of saying she is going to pick them up at such and such time. I would say just give us a few hours notice. Especially if you keep to the house most the time.

I know it tough. I would suspect you already know there really are no easy answers. Sounds like she has the desire just not the strength. IHMO that is the way I would play it with the kids.

 

[momandmore]

We haven't been telling them when to expect her. She was asked by Dad not to lie to them on the phone, but it continues. She even tells then that she will be here when it isn't even her weekend. then says.."ph, Daddy says you can't come this weekend." Trying to make him look like the bad guy. Instead of telling them When she is supposed to come, we always have a backup plan. I have what we call spa party with them. whe have a pj party, we play games, etc.

We don't talk badly about her in front of them allthough have been accused of it. Their responses to her on the phone are very defiant. The 4yo says whatever when told "I love you", the 6yo calls her out on her lies. It just hurts.

Dad has asked her numerous times to sign her rights over as we now have CPS involved:frown: bbecause of a huge lie the 6yo went to school and told. She said her papaw punched her in the stomach,,saying her maternal grandfather but describing her paternal grandparents. Which she hasn't seen either since Christmas. =/ Her lies are getting worse and worse. She is waiting to see a counselor. we have another month to wait.

 

[momandmore]

I also wanted to add that we are trying to find the right paperwork for our state to go back to court and reduce the visitations back to supervised. They had 2 hearings and the first one gave her supervised due to specific circumstances. The jusge that put in the order at the 2nd hearing was a different judge and didn't look over anything. It was an in and out process.

 

[torismom]

That is a terrible situation for the children. I know a young lady going through something similar. She's 16 years old and her mom hasn't spoken to her in 3 years...since DSS took her from the home for abuse.

What can you tell a child. I know they don't understand. At 16, my young friend still doesn't understand what she did to have her mom "not love her".

You seem like an awesome and loving person. Be the best mom you can be to those children and pray for them. It's obvious that she doesn't want to be a mom...and i guess being a mom is not for everyone.

 

[momandmore]

That is a terrible situation for the children. I know a young lady going through something similar. She's 16 years old and her mom hasn't spoken to her in 3 years...since DSS took her from the home for abuse.

What can you tell a child. I know they don't understand. At 16, my young friend still doesn't understand what she did to have her mom "not love her".

You seem like an awesome and loving person. Be the best mom you can be to those children and pray for them. It's obvious that she doesn't want to be a mom...and i guess being a mom is not for everyone.

Thank you.. I'm doing what I can and it seems to be what they need. That is horrible about your friend.. and completely agree that being a mom isn't for everyone!

 

[momandmore]

Just a quick vent.. I don't know if this is allowed on new threads? But I am past PO'd. Bio Mom... who hasn't seen her two children since christams day... has past up every visit since then.. promised the girls on the telephone that she would for sure be here this weekend to pick them up. She was to be here at 7. I tected her at 7:02 to see if she was coming and she had no plans to come and pick them up. ... a phone call or text would have been nice as I had them ready to go! They were sitting there waiting for her to show up. I am so frustrated!!! She always has some lame excuse!!!

 

[bssage]

Just a quick vent.. I don't know if this is allowed on new threads?

It's one of the more common things on this forum. If you need to unload feel free to do it here. Most of us do several times a year.

I would have been pssd also. I would might have even taken the
"low road" and cussed her out. Even though I know that would have been counterproductive.

 

[momandmore]

It's one of the more common things on this forum. If you need to unload feel free to do it here. Most of us do several times a year.

I would have been pssd also. I would might have even taken the
"low road" and cussed her out. Even though I know that would have been counterproductive.

Thank you. I wasn't sure. Even more has happened since my last pose. She recently move about 2 hours away and was seen in our area this afternoon and STILL didn't see if she could pick them up which I am thankful for bc we know they are safe but She was asked through text about seeing the girls. She said she was told no?? She really has no common sense. She cussed up a storm when she was the one in the wrong. We have been documenting everything. We hope to file paperwork this week to modify or revoke visits. She only cares about herself. She calls here drunk.. Right before he kicked her out he found her trying to hang herself in front of the children. She is not stable mentally and has never cared for the children by herself. I don't know how she got unsupervised visits in the first place. She calls them little bastards and there is just so much more. It reallly makes me sick.