education dillemma...

[Aunt]

So my niece goes to a somewhat conservative Catholic school. I can not deny the quality of education that she is receiving is very good. Her mother who I loved dearly but who was politically and socially my opposite picked it. But I find (see my views on the censorship debate etc) that I disagree with a lot of the ideology she is being taught.
I would not want to uproot her as she is happy enough here but how do i get around the fact that I disagree so much with what she is being taught? Is this an issue for any other parent? when picking your battles over school how heavily do you take into account the values your kids are taught and whether they align with your own

 

[Dadu2004]

I assume that you're referring to the fact that she is being sheltered from a lot of things that you think she should be exposed to. If that's the case, you're likely not going to be able to change the school singularly, so you'll have to expose her to those things yourself outside of school.

 

[Aunt]

LOL it is less the sheltering (I have not encouraged her to start an illegal library & in fairness they do not overly censor what the students can and cant read. Although Im sure there are some books that deliberately do not feature in their library catalogue.
it is more some of the views they promote on issues like sexuality etc. I don't feel i can criticize the school as they do advertise quite openly what they beleive & in fairness just as I think public schools should be open to all views, private schools should have the right to teach any hare brained idea they like. But if I had my choice this would not be the school i picked for my kid or any that I am raising. So do I strongly contridict the schools teachings outside of hours with my own, pick another school or just mellow out and go with the flow?

 

[Dadu2004]

LOL it is less the sheltering (I have not encouraged her to start an illegal library & in fairness they do not overly censor what the students can and cant read. Although Im sure there are some books that deliberately do not feature in their library catalogue.
it is more some of the views they promote on issues like sexuality etc. I don't feel i can criticize the school as they do advertise quite openly what they beleive & in fairness just as I think public schools should be open to all views, private schools should have the right to teach any hare brained idea they like. But if I had my choice this would not be the school i picked for my kid or any that I am raising. So do I strongly contridict the schools teachings outside of hours with my own, pick another school or just mellow out and go with the flow?

Are you saying that Catholics are outspoken about their sexual beliefs? Nawwww.... can't be!

Personally, I would let the school do their thing, because that's the way the Catholic school and Catholic faith operate. Then, I would tell the child what you feel and let her decide on her own what she'll believe and adhere to.

 

[16th ave.]

well, talk to your neice. see how she feels about the things she gets taught. ask her about how she'd feel in trying a different school for a while and all that. get her to put out there what she thinks of the shcool her mom chose for her.

i don't think you're being to strung up. your worry does point out how much you care as was pointed out in another post.
since you are the one who's raising your neice now, it's your views on things that she will pick up on i don't see what harm it would do in changing schools. but. since your neice did loose her mom this kind of change might not be a good idea yet since she is already settled in there and probably has made friends and all--people she needs right now to help keep things as normal as possible. but find out how she feels about trying out a new school in the next semester. get her opinion first before you decide something definite.

 

[mom2many]

Leave her in the school she enjoy's.

I live in a community that is predominatly Morman, and although the school tries to sway from any one side, you do see where views cross over into the class room, not always by teachers but by the kids. There is also times where my kids will come home and say "so and so said???" which goes against everything I believe, I will usually come back with something like "Interesting, but I don't know that I agree, I think ???" I try very hard to not push my views on them, but give them a different perspective and let them decide from there what they believe, if after I have given them "food for thought" and they still believe the other way, I respect that, I don't always like it or agree and I let them know I don't, but I move on after that.

I think school plays a huge role in what beliefs our children have, BUT I believe we play the biggest role, and that it is ok for us to not always agree.

 

[Jeremy+3]

There are some things our children have been taught that I don't agree with, but I wouldn't consider moving any of them to another school because of it. I don't think it is healthy to bring a kid up with one set of views, how can you make your own decisions on issues if you only know one side of the story.

 

[IADad]

I'll be facing the same situation. We're sending kids to Catholic School. We've already broached some of those subjects although there are manymore to come. We plan to have very frank conversationa about why people believe what they do, what the alternatives are and there can be a difference between a religious belief and personal practices.(i.e., just because we chose to do something a little different, doesn't mean you have to go back to school and preach against their doctrine.)

So, that brings up the question of why bother with religious education at all if your just going to circumvent it?

We believe that there is value of teaching kids inan environment where they can talk about god, share in the warmth of god's love and build a values system and support system that doesn't exist in public schools. I think assocaiation with a religion is much less about doctrine and more about community. That's over-simplified, but that's the driving principle for how we approach religion questions.

I can be more explicit if anybody wants, but I think you get the general idea.

 

[Jeremy+3]

See here in the UK, religious schools, aren't actually religious, all state schools in the UK are Christian, but you it doesn't effect your education at all, you aren't taught in a Christian way, you just have assemblies to discuss what is going on within school. I went to a muslim school, the only thing that made it muslim were that some teachers wore a hijab and girls and boys didn't do P.E together. No, avoidance of science or sex education or anything, every state school in the UK has to teach the same thing.

 

[TabascoNatalie]

what are the examples of Catholic ideology you particularly don't like in school?
I'm Catholic myself (was raised this way), and I don't really disagree with ideology, just I don't like how the church operates.
i personally think that sexuality is something to be discussed at home, in family. what is taught at school is no way enough.

 

[Aunt]

well natalie i guess you would say I lean toward being on the liberal side when it comes to issues like homosexuality, women's reproductive rights & other similar issues that the church & this school is pretty conservative about, but I don't want this thread to become about criticising catholics or other christians with similar views as there are many religious forums for that debate. I also have concerns about the level of elitism at this particular school as it is expensive and selective (this is not necessarily typical of all catholic schools). I dont want my niece to become narrow and spoiled i guess

I guess it is wierd how on one level I tell myself I wont force my views on a kid and then on another it is all I want to do!!!!
But we talked about her school recently & she is pretty happy there so i guess removing her would be more selfish than anything. A sibling of mine pointed out that 2 of us have ideas that contradict most of what we were raised with & 2 of us dont so I guess we all make up our own mind in the end.

 

[mom2many]

well natalie i guess you would say I lean toward being on the liberal side when it comes to issues like homosexuality, women's reproductive rights & other similar issues that the church & this school is pretty conservative about, but I don't want this thread to become about criticising catholics or other christians with similar views as there are many religious forums for that debate. I also have concerns about the level of elitism at this particular school as it is expensive and selective (this is not necessarily typical of all catholic schools). I dont want my niece to become narrow and spoiled i guess

I guess it is wierd how on one level I tell myself I wont force my views on a kid and then on another it is all I want to do!!!!
But we talked about her school recently & she is pretty happy there so i guess removing her would be more selfish than anything. A sibling of mine pointed out that 2 of us have ideas that contradict most of what we were raised with & 2 of us dont so I guess we all make up our own mind in the end.

My public schools are the same way..I am a liberal "californian" in a conservative republican state, and what I believe is much different then most around me, so it can be difficult to teach my kids my views when they hear something different, but in the end I have always left it up to them. So far so good, only two of the older ones are as liberal as me, the other two are a little more conservative, but not much, the only possible republican I have on my hand's is Cole . But that would be fine for me also...

 

[TabascoNatalie]

well natalie i guess you would say I lean toward being on the liberal side when it comes to issues like homosexuality, women's reproductive rights & other similar issues that the church & this school is pretty conservative about, but I don't want this thread to become about criticising catholics or other christians with similar views as there are many religious forums for that debate.

i don't know how it is there in particular school, but i guess discussions of homosexuality and women's reproductive rights don't take significant proportion of total academic hours.
In fact i don't think that anyone's views on sexuality are formed at SCHOOL.

I also have concerns about the level of elitism at this particular school as it is expensive and selective (this is not necessarily typical of all catholic schools). I dont want my niece to become narrow and spoiled i guess

well, but that is life. colleges and jobs are also selective. and way more selective than schools.

 

[IADad]

In matters such as sexuality, reprodcutive rights and homosexuality I think a good approach is to discuss the varying viewpoints and try to do it in a way that leads her to drawing her own conclusions, (or even better, holding off on drawing conclusions as she seeks more knowledge) That will do her the best service in the long run becasue she will have the school/church's teaching, your teaching and a sense of considering the world around her.

as for elitism, that's something we struggle with. We in no way want our children to feel superior because they go to the school they do (or for any other reason for that matter) and while the school can affect that in some ways (i.e. the empahsis they place on exclusivity versus the emphasis they place on being a caring nurturing community,or a place where your best efforts are valued and every individual is rspected) they can only do so much. The bigger part of that equation is you and the other parents. When you see it happening, work against it, teach her that it's not right, and in fact not christian to consider yourselff better than anyone else. You have so much more influence on her values than her peers or even the school does as long as you exercise your influence. And this isn't something that slely exists in private schools. We have 2 public high schools in the disctrict and there are feeling of superiority that are drawn on various lines...that's part of society, you can show her that, you can teach her that it exists and the main thing she can do is make choices about how she conducts herself.

 

[Dadu2004]

In fact i don't think that anyone's views on sexuality are formed at SCHOOL.

I think you're underestimating the impact of peer pressure and the impressionable age.

 

[IADad]

I think you're underestimating the impact of peer pressure and the impressionable age.

I read her comment to mean more at school/by the school...they're going to have pretty much the same peer pressure whether they're going to a public or private school...

 

[Dadu2004]

Aaahhh, could be.

 

[TabascoNatalie]

I think you're underestimating the impact of peer pressure and the impressionable age.

peer pressure usually works the opposite way as to what teachers/parents are saying.

 

[Dadu2004]

Unfortunately, yes.

 

[Aunt]

peer pressure usually works the opposite way as to what teachers/parents are saying.

I don't know about that one teacher that she really respects and admires and who in a lot of ways is great with kids comes out with all sorts of stuff that sometimes borers on being offensive to me. I have gone with mom to many's response of saying it is interesting but then stating my own view for some balance