Ex wife left kids to be with man with rape charge....

[Freshstartheart]

My ex wife just signed my kids over to me on march 8/2011. She is leaving canada to move to texas to be with him. She is 40 , he is 25. He is on the texas state sex registry for rape. My children now live with me. I did agree that visits would start summer of 2012 after a 1 year probation period. It really bothers me still.

Do I tell my children about his rape chare. My son is 7 and daughter is 10.

How old do you bring something like this up.

They have just been abandoned by their mother. But are completly happy and well taken care of by me their father. I want and need to protect them.

Any opinions.

 

[Dadu2004]

You need to go back to court and have them summon his court records. He may have stipulations that don't allow him to be with children under the age of 18. You also need to let the courts know of this situation in general, as they may modify the order to not include visitation when that man is around.

Either way...get your @$$ back in court.

 

[mom2many]

I agree with Dadu, although my question is (based on age) was this him and a minor, a drunken night and stupid or was it full on forced rape?

These would help determine my answer any further.

 

[Father_0f_7]

I think you need to find out exactly what happened and exactly why he was charged then go from there.

 

[Xero]

I 100% agree with what everyone else has said already, especially Dadu2004. He is dead on. My first question would be what he did exactly. And I personally don't think I'd ever want my kids around him at all, and I don't think there's any reason you should be forced into thinking that you should let them.

 

[lovebeingamum]

I agree with everyone else that you need to find out what it is exactly that you are dealing with.

You probably don't need to discuss his charges with the children as it is, just make sure that if they do have visits they know if something is wrong or not.

Perhaps if you do allow visitation it could be supervised? Here Barnardos offer services like supervised visits, so I am sure that there would be similar services available in Canada and the US.

 

[stjohnjulie]

I agree. You need to find out what the story is before you can make any kind of real decision. If this was a forced rape, not a statutory rape, well... there is a big difference. I wouldn't be comfortable having my kids, or any kids, around the guy until I knew the full story.

I feel bad for the kids. Having mom leave them for a man is a tough pill to swallow. Good thing they have dad! Watch them closely. This is a tough time in their lives to be losing one of their parents. Hard for them to really understand what is going on, but not so young they don't know somethings up.

Do you know any of the details on his conviction?

 

[NancyM]

Hi Freshstartheart.
This is certainly frightening for you, I know I'd be very concerned.

If it were me, I'd like to find out exactly what he did, and I don't think I'd believe anything either one of them told me.

Try going to the Sex offender Registry on the computer I believe it ends in ORG.

I know my state NY, has a sex offender registry where anyone who is ordered to register as a sex offender should be on it, I believe you will find his charge there.

Another thing, in my state the Police Departments also have information on them. Which is available for the public to look at.

I know when my son was in school, and we were notified if any sex offenders had moved in or were living in our vicinity. If we wanted to we could more get that information from the school, or at the police department.

Only thing is I'm not sure if you have to go in person. (You live in Canada correct?) However, once you find out what town he lives in, find out which police precinct has jurisdiction and just call them.

Tell them your concern and ask how you can get information on him. While your at it, you can ask if he's allowed to be around children at all.

Good Luck

 

[Freshstartheart]

I did check and there were no stipulations about being near children. The story he told my ex wife was that he slept with another officers wife in the military. They woke up and she remembered she had a husband , so he says he was origionally charged with adultry and rape. He pleaded to the rape because the people on his case told him he had a 50 50 chance of life in prison. I dont buy the story. Either way. My ex wife left for texas on monday. My children are now living with me. And The court order I had her sign has many stipulations. The children are not to visit her until at least summer of 2012. One year probation period. She is 40 and he is 25. If it last a year ill be surprised. Im stilll very weary of sending them to the USA to stay there. Also , he is on the texas state sex registry , there is no classifiation for him. so I donno. At least I know for now my kids are safe with me. Still dont understand how mom could leave her kids for another man 15 years younger then her. Its quite a puzzle.

As for my kids, they are adapting great. very happy and routined. In a nice daycare and schoool. and ive been prepairing the home for over a year and half for their arrival. Parent teacher interviews were thursday and they teachers say the kids are quite happy and well adjusted.

Dont know what more to say.

I think his story lacks evidence. But why would a 25 year old want to be with a 40 year old woman anyways. Can anyone explain?

 

[Antoinette]

do you live in the USA? the way you wrote that sounds like you don't.. sorry i don't know where Calgary is.

i wouldn't feel comfortable having my children near someone with a rape charge. no matter the reason. i think you are handling this very well

 

[NancyM]

Freshstartheart:

It might be eaiser for you to hire a lawyer and let them tell you what to do.
The good thing is that you have a year before the kids are released to your X which gives you plenty of time to gather information and make your case.

Child protection services are another option if you can't afford a lawyer, The only thing is that if they find that the kids are in a safe environment with their mother, (like say the boyfriend does NOT have a child sex crime against him) than that conclusion is final, and your probably going to have to let them go.

I'm just curious as to where you found the statement that says he's NOT forbidden to be around children?

 

[ElliottCarasDad]

There is no way in hell I would ever let my kids potentially be alone with a sex-offender, and I cant imagine a judge would find a mother fit who marries one.

 

[SingleDadNTN]

I would call the city that he lives in and talk to the Police first. They may be able to assist you further. Most everything is public records theses days so you need to find out where to start. No way in hell would I ever let my children go near someone who was convicted of Rape

 

[Freshstartheart]

I Live in Calgary , Alberta , Canada. Just north of montana. It is a tough one to deal with yes. I cant deny my children visits with their mom though. Im torn. She trusts this younger male and believes his innocents after her online relationships the past 3 years (Possibly longer). Should I aswell. Is her judgement clouded. She has been there almost a week now. Perhaps she will regret leaving the children. For the meantime its up to me to make sure the kids are happy and taken care of. 3 Years ago, it nearly ripped my heart out finding out about this guy.

2 months after our seperation, I found out they were romanticaly involved. I showed her his sex registry printout and she was shocked. 2 weeks later I read a email saying that she loved him and wanted him to be the one to take my son fishing , the one to take my kids to the park. 3 years ago I was crushed.

 

[TabascoNatalie]

The story he told my ex wife was that he slept with another officers wife in the military. They woke up and she remembered she had a husband , so he says he was origionally charged with adultry and rape. He pleaded to the rape because the people on his case told him he had a 50 50 chance of life in prison. I dont buy the story.

I don't buy it either. Life in prison for adultry? and going free if "rape only"? makes absolutely no sense.

But why would a 25 year old want to be with a 40 year old woman anyways. Can anyone explain?

well... why not. maybe they satisfy each other, at least for now. young women fall for older men all the time. the other way around certainly isn't impossible.

 

[IADad]

It is a tough one to deal with yes. I cant deny my children visits with their mom

Yes, you can, if she's not acting responsible, like a mother, you can and must protect your children before you worry about offending their mother.

as for a 40 yo woman and a 25 man...who knows...My wife's brother, when he was in his 20's routinely dated women 15-20 years older than him...I KNOW the reason he dated one (who didn't have her own teeth) and I'll leave it at that becaue iit's lunch time and such thoughts make me cringe a bit. So, suffice to say, people have different reasons for choosing the people they date.

It sounds like you haven't moved on from her, and that's okay, but don't let your judgement in continuing to believe she may come back some day affect how you love and protect your children.

 

[Xero]

2 months after our seperation, I found out they were romanticaly involved. I showed her his sex registry printout and she was shocked. 2 weeks later I read a email saying that she loved him and wanted him to be the one to take my son fishing , the one to take my kids to the park. 3 years ago I was crushed.

I know this isn't worth much, but I just wanted to say that I am SO sorry you had to go through that, no one deserves to feel such heartbreak. I hope you can heal and put it behind you in time. Its not fair the kind of crap life can dump on us sometimes. My heart just hurts for you.

I would also like to say that I don't buy the story, and I would dig deeper to find some kind of official documented information on his charges and exactly what they were. It is your right as a parent to know, so that you can best protect your children. I also agree with the others to always put the safety and well being of your children first, not what will make your ex happy. I'm sure your kids want to see their mother too and where their happiness does sit high up on the priority list, safety and well being comes first so be ABSOLUTELY SURE you feel safe and comfortable about where they are going BEFORE you send them.

 

[nlsme]

First things first. Talk to a lawyer. There are so many variables. First, it is international. Will the US honor the court order? If it is signed by a judge then most likely. If it is just a signed agreement, then probably not. Second, she "abandoned" her children. In the US, that could be grounds for you being awarded full custody. Third, the actual charges would help you understand the situation better.

Now, as far as the kids are concerned, just because they seem well adjusted and happy, doesnt mean they wont one day have a hard time dealing with the situation. I would suggest getting a counselor for them to talk to. Someone who is for them, that they can build some trust with. IF the day ever arrises where they cant deal with the situation, they will already have someone they trust, to help them. As a parent, sometimes kids just will not talk to you. But, they will need someone to talk with.

 

[teenage_parent]

the guy's got a record. I don't think the court will ever find it safe for the kids to be around someone with a "sex offender" record.

 

[Samantha Price]

there's times when you have to take things into your own hands if the courts will not.