Hi, my name is Kelly. I made my introduction on the intro forum and now I can post.
As I mentioned there, I am 43 years old, been to war and been shot at, I've lived a really great life so far, I'm an artist, photographer and computer person, I race go karts with my 12 yr old daughter, and even started a website that still sits at #1 in its field. I live in SLC utah and I'm not religious. I smoke and drink a few beers after dinner. (don't worry, it's Utah beer... 3.2%.. ya just go to the bathroom a lot)
Since my situation covers a few areas, I wasn't sure which forum to put it in. I am a step father and that's where it started, so... I have a story.
PAGE 1. (page 2 is in the reply, too many characters for a post I guess)
It's about a strung together family, a failure to launch 20-something adult child, and me venting/needing advice.
Sorry for the lengthy story, but I feel it's needed to get a grasp on my situation. If there's any typos or offensive language in it, I apologize. I try to keep it clean.
15 years ago, I met my wife on AOL when windows 95 was new. She was 35, in a wheelchair, and living in Michigan. In the small time we chatted on line, it became evident that her current marriage was on the rocks.
A mere 3 weeks after we'd met online, she came to visit me and never went back. The day she came, she had to have her friends sneak her from her house to the airport with her husband trying to stop her.
She left her husband (who was mentally abusive and even locked her in the house) and her 3 daughters behind. They were very young. 6, 8, and 9 years old.
This event is what I believe sets in motion the path that one of these girls will follow.
Strike 1. Our mommy left us.
Over the next year I found her constantly battling with her soon to be Ex husband but keeping in contact with her girls. She loved them but had to leave and I began to understand why. He was an abusive guy that never really grew up and her girls adored their daddy.
Forward a year and her divorce has taken place and she'd asked me to marry her... which I said yes. We moved to a new house and began our lives together. Shortly thereafter, we had a baby girl. This would be my only child.
In the back of my mind, I knew her girls were important to her and that someday, they could come to live with us. I'd inherited a family but little did I know, I was in for quite the experience.
I had a pretty normal childhood, even though my own parents divorced when I was 15, then remarried each other some 7 years later, it was still pretty normal. I bought my first car with paper route money I'd earned and I've had constant employment since I was 18. I've worked for my stuff and nobody has constantly bailed me out all my life... which is why this ticks me off so much.
Back to the story.
A year passed and my wife's ex-husband found someone on the world wide web that he began a relationship with a woman in Louisianna. Apparently, he thought he'd do the same thing his ex did. He was still in Michigan with his 3 daughters at the time. It appeared that he believed that this woman & he could have a better relationship if he was closer... at which time, he uprooted his 3 girls and moved from Michigan to Louisianna. These kids were forced to leave everything behind.
Now, this event obviously would have some consequences for these kids.
Strike 2. Daddy cares more about some stranger than us. Good bye friends and everything we know.
I was pretty upset at him for it... for their sake. I wasn't their dad, but I felt bad that they had to go through this.
The funny part about this... when they got to Louisianna, the woman that he'd been chatting with... didn't want him. There he was, a U-haul, 3 little girls, and nowhere to go.
Eventually, he did find work and a place to live in Louisianna. He met a woman (who was married mind you) and began a relationship with her. From the little girls point of view, she was pretty mean. We're talking evil step-mother. She took control of all their lives, became the parent and driving force in their house... and that meant bad stuff.
When her 9 Year old daughter hit 15, things weren't well for them. The hatred she had for this "other" woman constantly wedging herself between her & her father has grown into some pretty nasty stuff over the years. Fights, phone wars between my wife & her ex, wars, crappy grades, what have you... it was bad. All the while, my wife never got out of control. She was the type to let karma do its job.
All that time they'd been away, my wife & I have tried to support them as best we could. My wife didn't work but did get money from the insurance company for her accident and I was the one with the job. Thankfully, I've been in the computer industry for a long time and have made pretty good money. We'd brought them here to visit, even sent them money when their lame father wouldn't buy them tampons. (yes, really)... and every penny came out of our pocket. He never paid once to fly them here & let them see their mother. It was always us. Birthdays, Christmas, we did it all.
At 15 years old, my wife's oldest daughter moved here... and she's got some heavy baggage. It was at the boiling point in Lousianna and time for a change.
When she got here, I felt bad for her and the only thing on my mind was to do my best to help her and show my wife that I can be a great father figure to her kids. Well, one of them.
I was wrong.
I set some simple rules, we enrolled her in school and each morning I'd drop her off because it was on my way to work. Things seemed ok for a while but it was clear that this girl had a pretty bad attitude and a constant need for attention... attention she wasn't getting from the needed sources.
When she hit 16, I taught her to drive. I was proud of this. I taught her to drive my big ole 89 chevy suburban. I figured if she could pull it off, she'd end up being a reasonable driver. She was for a while, but thinking back (4 wrecks in 8 years), it just wasn't in the cards. Hey, I guess some have it & some don't.
Now, as I mentioned, she had a bad attitude. She was one of the laziest, self entitled and dilusional people I'd ever met. Getting her to do anything that didn't get her something too, was nearly impossible. Her mother in the wheelchair wasn't in a position to be forceful with her and it turned into a few times where I wondered what was going to happen.
2 "kick-outs" and a year later... I had to come home from work once because this girl physically threatened her mother. That's right, a 240LB daughter against a 120 lb woman in a wheelchair. Wonder who would have won?
As I mentioned there, I am 43 years old, been to war and been shot at, I've lived a really great life so far, I'm an artist, photographer and computer person, I race go karts with my 12 yr old daughter, and even started a website that still sits at #1 in its field. I live in SLC utah and I'm not religious. I smoke and drink a few beers after dinner. (don't worry, it's Utah beer... 3.2%.. ya just go to the bathroom a lot)
Since my situation covers a few areas, I wasn't sure which forum to put it in. I am a step father and that's where it started, so... I have a story.
PAGE 1. (page 2 is in the reply, too many characters for a post I guess)
It's about a strung together family, a failure to launch 20-something adult child, and me venting/needing advice.
Sorry for the lengthy story, but I feel it's needed to get a grasp on my situation. If there's any typos or offensive language in it, I apologize. I try to keep it clean.
15 years ago, I met my wife on AOL when windows 95 was new. She was 35, in a wheelchair, and living in Michigan. In the small time we chatted on line, it became evident that her current marriage was on the rocks.
A mere 3 weeks after we'd met online, she came to visit me and never went back. The day she came, she had to have her friends sneak her from her house to the airport with her husband trying to stop her.
She left her husband (who was mentally abusive and even locked her in the house) and her 3 daughters behind. They were very young. 6, 8, and 9 years old.
This event is what I believe sets in motion the path that one of these girls will follow.
Strike 1. Our mommy left us.
Over the next year I found her constantly battling with her soon to be Ex husband but keeping in contact with her girls. She loved them but had to leave and I began to understand why. He was an abusive guy that never really grew up and her girls adored their daddy.
Forward a year and her divorce has taken place and she'd asked me to marry her... which I said yes. We moved to a new house and began our lives together. Shortly thereafter, we had a baby girl. This would be my only child.
In the back of my mind, I knew her girls were important to her and that someday, they could come to live with us. I'd inherited a family but little did I know, I was in for quite the experience.
I had a pretty normal childhood, even though my own parents divorced when I was 15, then remarried each other some 7 years later, it was still pretty normal. I bought my first car with paper route money I'd earned and I've had constant employment since I was 18. I've worked for my stuff and nobody has constantly bailed me out all my life... which is why this ticks me off so much.
Back to the story.
A year passed and my wife's ex-husband found someone on the world wide web that he began a relationship with a woman in Louisianna. Apparently, he thought he'd do the same thing his ex did. He was still in Michigan with his 3 daughters at the time. It appeared that he believed that this woman & he could have a better relationship if he was closer... at which time, he uprooted his 3 girls and moved from Michigan to Louisianna. These kids were forced to leave everything behind.
Now, this event obviously would have some consequences for these kids.
Strike 2. Daddy cares more about some stranger than us. Good bye friends and everything we know.
I was pretty upset at him for it... for their sake. I wasn't their dad, but I felt bad that they had to go through this.
The funny part about this... when they got to Louisianna, the woman that he'd been chatting with... didn't want him. There he was, a U-haul, 3 little girls, and nowhere to go.
Eventually, he did find work and a place to live in Louisianna. He met a woman (who was married mind you) and began a relationship with her. From the little girls point of view, she was pretty mean. We're talking evil step-mother. She took control of all their lives, became the parent and driving force in their house... and that meant bad stuff.
When her 9 Year old daughter hit 15, things weren't well for them. The hatred she had for this "other" woman constantly wedging herself between her & her father has grown into some pretty nasty stuff over the years. Fights, phone wars between my wife & her ex, wars, crappy grades, what have you... it was bad. All the while, my wife never got out of control. She was the type to let karma do its job.
All that time they'd been away, my wife & I have tried to support them as best we could. My wife didn't work but did get money from the insurance company for her accident and I was the one with the job. Thankfully, I've been in the computer industry for a long time and have made pretty good money. We'd brought them here to visit, even sent them money when their lame father wouldn't buy them tampons. (yes, really)... and every penny came out of our pocket. He never paid once to fly them here & let them see their mother. It was always us. Birthdays, Christmas, we did it all.
At 15 years old, my wife's oldest daughter moved here... and she's got some heavy baggage. It was at the boiling point in Lousianna and time for a change.
When she got here, I felt bad for her and the only thing on my mind was to do my best to help her and show my wife that I can be a great father figure to her kids. Well, one of them.
I was wrong.
I set some simple rules, we enrolled her in school and each morning I'd drop her off because it was on my way to work. Things seemed ok for a while but it was clear that this girl had a pretty bad attitude and a constant need for attention... attention she wasn't getting from the needed sources.
When she hit 16, I taught her to drive. I was proud of this. I taught her to drive my big ole 89 chevy suburban. I figured if she could pull it off, she'd end up being a reasonable driver. She was for a while, but thinking back (4 wrecks in 8 years), it just wasn't in the cards. Hey, I guess some have it & some don't.
Now, as I mentioned, she had a bad attitude. She was one of the laziest, self entitled and dilusional people I'd ever met. Getting her to do anything that didn't get her something too, was nearly impossible. Her mother in the wheelchair wasn't in a position to be forceful with her and it turned into a few times where I wondered what was going to happen.
2 "kick-outs" and a year later... I had to come home from work once because this girl physically threatened her mother. That's right, a 240LB daughter against a 120 lb woman in a wheelchair. Wonder who would have won?
