family in need...

[desperado]

i have several problems I have been trying to deal with over the past few years.

I have 2 boys aged 10 and 8 and they fight constantly. (i mean brawling up to 6 times a day)

the eldest one is a difficult child and has severe anger problems, he gets into a rage and cant seem to control himself. we have tried a psychologist with no luck (for a long period). We have tried to get him to take 3 deep breaths to relax him but he refuses to do it.

we have tried reward charts, etc but nothing works

His little brother seems to make it his motive in life to taunt him in any way shape or form, just to get a reaction.

What ends up happening is they fight, there is a big "he said" "no he is lying" and i never can tell who started it or who is to blame, so they both get in trouble.

My oldest son is talking about "lying down in the middle of the road and dying" and feeling "dead and empty" inside as he feels we never are on his side.

I am on the verge of a breakdown,my husband doesnt know what to do, we have tried taking everything (and i mean everything) from them they just will not do what they are told ......

any help would be gratefully received.

thanks in advance

 

[gr8mom]

have you ever told him that you think he is a difficult child or problem child? When I was a child my father and mother would deal with problems by telling their children how bad they were and I think it just makes things worse. I would sit him down and tell him how much you love him and that you only punish both of them because it is the only fair way. Make sure he understands that you love them both equally that you do not favor his brother at all. I would also suggest getting each parent to spend one on one time with both children on a fairly regular basis. You should also speak to the little brother. My guess is that both of them are asking for attention in their own way.

 

[Joy]

Have you asked his pediatrician? Maybe they can give you some recommendations. Good Luck and sorry I can't be of more help.

 

[desperado]

i have spoken to both children, yes sometimes i do say things i regret (how naughty they are etc) its hard when you are at the end of your rope.

I have organised a night away with my older son this weekend just the 2 of us hopefully this is a start.

thank you for your responses

 

[Joy]

I hope that this helps! Keep us posted.

 

[Amber]

My oldest son is talking about "lying down in the middle of the road and dying" and feeling "dead and empty" inside as he feels we never are on his side.

This is not normal, hun. I'd seriously consider putting him back in counseling.

 

[Ari2]

I agree with Amber: you need to get a counselor. It is possible for young children to be seriously depressed and suicidal. I would treat this like the medical emergency it is and get professor help ASAP. Perhaps the best first step, as Joy suggested, is to call your pediatrician or family physician and explain the seriousness of the situation. He is crying out for help, and this needs to be addressed quickly. If he gets in to see a child psychiatrist, it is likely that your whole family will get involved, and this may give you more resources and strategies to deal with both kids.