Father-daughter purity balls...

Ari2

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Jan 7, 2008
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<r>What do you think of this and "<URL url="</s>purity pledges<e></e></URL>"?<br/>
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From the NY Times: <COLOR color="Navy"><s></s><URL url="</s>Dancing the Night Away, with a Higher Purpose<e></e></URL><br/>
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In their floor-length gowns, up-dos and tiaras, the 70 or so young women swept past two harpists and into a gilt-and-brocade dining room at the lavish Broadmoor Hotel, on the arms of their much older male companions.<br/>
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</e></COLOR><COLOR color="Navy"><s></s>The girls, ages early grade school to college, had come with their fathers, stepfathers and future fathers-in-law last Friday night to the ninth annual Father-Daughter Purity Ball. The first two hours of the gala passed like any somewhat awkward night out with parents, the men doing nearly all the talking and the girls struggling to cut their chicken. <br/>
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</e></COLOR> <COLOR color="Navy"><s></s>But after dessert, the 63 men stood and read aloud <B><s></s>a covenant “before God to cover my daughter as her authority and protection in the area of purity.” <e></e></B><br/>
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</e></COLOR> <COLOR color="DarkOrchid"><s></s><COLOR color="Navy"><s></s>The gesture signaled that the fathers would guard their daughters from what evangelicals consider a profoundly corrosive “hook-up culture.” The evening, which alternated between homemade Christian rituals and giddy dancing, was a joyous public affirmation of the girls’ sexual abstinence until they wed.<br/>
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</e></COLOR><COLOR color="Navy"><s></s>Recent studies have suggested that <B><s></s>close relationships between fathers and daughters can reduce the risk<e></e></B> of early sexual activity among girls and teenage pregnancy. But studies have also shown that most teenagers who say they will remain abstinent, like those at the ball, <B><s></s>end up having sex before marriage, and they are far less likely to use condoms than their peers<e></e></B>.<br/>
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</e></COLOR><COLOR color="Navy"><s></s>In a ballroom after dinner, bare but for a seven-foot wooden cross at one end, the fathers and daughters gathered along the walls. Kevin Moore, there with his three girls, told the men they were taking a stand for their families and their nation. Then he and Mr. Wilson walked to the cross with two large swords, which they held up before it to make an arch.<e></e></COLOR><br/>
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<COLOR color="Navy"><s></s>Each father and his daughter walked under the arch and knelt before the cross. Synthesized hymns played. The fathers sometimes held their daughters and whispered a short prayer, and then the girls each placed a white rose, representing purity, at the foot of the cross. Mr. Lee and Rachel walked away holding hands.<e></e></COLOR><br/>
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<COLOR color="Navy"><s></s>The girls, many wearing purity rings, made silent vows.<e></e></COLOR></r>
 

HappyMomma

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Mar 7, 2008
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If the family subscribes to the same religious beliefs and it works - great.

I have to say though, it reminds me of the 'ear sex' episode of Family Guy. :p
 

Kaytee

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Apr 9, 2007
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I don't know that epidsode!

I think its great if your family is religious and practice religion together. THe whole "a family that prays together stays together thing" then I think its beautiful
 

Ari2

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Jan 7, 2008
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The whole things weirds me out. I've read other articles about it, and it just seems off to me. The picture of girls getting "purity rings" from their dads, the dads swearing to protect the girls' "purity", and then the prom-like situation between father and daughter.....

I do get what they are trying to do and of course applaud any parent who (as he or she should) takes an active role in guiding their kids' decisions. I'm not entirely certain what makes me uncomfortable about it. I know I would be equally weirded out by a mother-daughter "purity" tea in with oaths and rings and ceremonies.

But I wonder if I'm in the minority. I'm not religious. Maybe if I were this would seem less odd.

I also don't think chastity oaths work, as stated in the article. But it is more the weird vibe it gives me that gives me pause.
 

musicmom

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Dec 4, 2007
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Cheesy and a good way to fool your dad into thinking you are pure......yea right!
 

jtee

Banned
Jun 24, 2007
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The whole idea of a purity pledge doesn't set well with me personally because it is setting very high expectations on girls at a young age. It is not like these girls have a option, nor are they old enough to really understand what the adults are expecting of them.

A couple of years ago a guy I worked with had a father-daughter (13-14) talk about sex, and he suggested to her she wait until she was older before she started having sex. She wasn't having sex or evening considering it, but she was was going to be starting High School and was already one favorites among the older boys. He had the talk with his daughter because when he was 16 he dated a 14 year old and they had a lot of sex. As a father, he knew what the downside was if his daughter would become sexually active at a young age. He wasn't asking for a purity pledge nor did he tell her not to have sex, he simply wanted to help her avoid some of the problems that do occur when girls start having sex when they are too young to really handle it.
 

Teresa

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Feb 2, 2007
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I think they're a great symbolic thing...but I also think that it's more important that the girls make that pledge to THEMSELVES than to their fathers. And what about the sons....aren't they held to any sort of purity standard, and don't they have any symbol of it...perhaps a pledge between them and Mom?
 

Kaytee

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Apr 9, 2007
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I agree with teresa. The main reason that it can work is not because of the pledge or the ball, its because a father is standing up and not being quiet and letting his wife handle the sex issue with his daughter. He is standing up and saying "I know sex sounds appealing but I believe it is important to remain abstinet at such a young and impressionable age." Girls are less likely to be having sex when the father is showing this type of attitude
 

musicmom

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Dec 4, 2007
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Meanwhile...............the child got there because the father had sex with a woman.........doesn't sound right. Plus........you know that man did not stay abstinent until he married. come on.
 

Kaytee

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Apr 9, 2007
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so what if he didn't (or maybe he did) families that tend to do this are quite religious and I bet a good amount of them were virgins at marriage.
I had sex before marriage ( I would never hide that from my child) BUT of course I want better for her. I would be so happy if she waited till marriage or at least over 18. I smoked pot, I don't want my daughter to. I drove around with no seatbelt on but she better as hell have hers on.
 

Teresa

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Feb 2, 2007
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musicmom said:
Meanwhile...............the child got there because the father had sex with a woman.........doesn't sound right. Plus........you know that man did not stay abstinent until he married. come on.

How do you know? Some people do, even in this day and age. My brother and SIL both did, and they were 32 and 30 when they married.
 

musicmom

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Dec 4, 2007
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Teresa said:
How do you know? Some people do, even in this day and age. My brother and SIL both did, and they were 32 and 30 when they married.
I don't know it was a sarcastic generalized conversation/thought.
 

jtee

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Jun 24, 2007
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Kaytee said:
I had sex before marriage ( I would never hide that from my child) BUT of course I want better for her. I would be so happy if she waited till marriage or at least over 18.
Children most definitely should wait to have sex until they are mature enough to handle everything comes along with it. Maybe that means they wait until they are 25+. :)

Personally I don't think it is always healthy to wait until their wedding night to have sex for the first time. For many couples "waiting" can be the right choice, and it becomes a special bond that they share, and likely helps them make it through the rough times that all marriages experience.

I strongly feel that premarital (safe) sex between consenting adults is a good thing, and not a result giving into temptation. It is possible to fall in love with a person who you are sexually incompatible with, and finding that out after getting married will make a marriage very very difficult. I've met one couple who struggled with this issue for 25 years of marriage, and it was their faith (and children) that kept them together, but for them those other influential factors weren't enough, and they divorced in their late 40s. Sexual compatibility in most marriages is critical for the long term success and happiness of a couple. There will always be exceptions, such as married couples who never have sex and are happily married, but it would be very very rare.
 

budnkota

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Mar 28, 2008
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Ari2 said:
But I wonder if I'm in the minority. I'm not religious. Maybe if I were this would seem less odd.

I also don't think chastity oaths work, as stated in the article. But it is more the weird vibe it gives me that gives me pause.
I agree.. it seems like a parent trying to make claim on a chld's sexuality. It just crosses a line to me. And the fact that joe Simpson did this with Jessica Simpson supports that feeling. He crosses lines beyong what a parent should say and do all the time.