Feel like a parent...

[dtorre]

So My girlfriend and I (im 25 she's 23) are supporting her 21 year old brother.

He moved in a week after graduating college to crash on our couch untill he found a way to support himself, and hasn't left our living room in two months.
We need to force him to look for jobs and contribute to our house.

My girlfriend and i constantly talk about how we feel like parents, and have decided that he needs to go.

How do parents work with an unmotivated young man? we've basically cut him off from everything except the couch that he sleeps on, and he still seems content on staying with us forever!

the main problem is that he has NOWHERE to go. no parents or friends or relatives. in the years before this, he was a complete recluse.

please give me some advice parents! we've run out of ideas

 

[holbo]

Please give some more info:
How did he get by before he moved in with you?
Where did he live? (by himself, in a co-ed, or?)
Do you feed him or does he get his own food?

 

[dtorre]

He attended devry university, where he racked up about $50,000 in debt. he was supported by his dorm and food plan for the past couple years.

while he attended school his mother was evicted from her apartment (where he lived before school) and now rents a small room with his other brother.

we try to not feed him. his mother gives him about $100 a month for food etc... but occasionally i invite him to have dinner with us.

 

[looklovesend]

Have you tried an intervention? sit down and talk with him about how you feel and see what his long term plans are.

 

[bssage]

Put him to work on the house. Clean the fridge, defrost the freezer, paint, Or draw a line. This is the date you need to be out by.

 

[MomoJA]

Is it possible he is depressed? Not that that helps you solve the problem, but I'm just wondering.

 

[Father_0f_7]

I think in order to help more we need to know details.

Is he depressed? Is he actually looking for a job? Can he not move in with his mother? Have you talked to him about it? Is he just lazy?

In some circumstances I would say you have this long to find a job, be out by this date. If he's not out by that date, give him a list of homeless shelters. I know it sounds extreme but again, don't know the situation.

In our house you're either in school or if not in school you have a job and you're paying rent if you still want to live here.

 

[Andrea Brown]

We had this problem with our eldest son. It is 'cool' to couch surf and live without responsibility. We gave him 2 weeks notice and kicked him out. He was shocked, but our firm tone told him we meant business, and we did.

He found another couch to 'crash' on for a short time - funny how friends aren't much into supporting couch surfers for very long.

Now he has a job and is supporting himself. Some people call it tough love. I think it is called forcing youth to take responsibility for their lives.

This was one of the hardest things we ever had to do, but we are so glad we stood strong. It worked just like all our friends told us it would.

Best wishes, and stay strong.

 

[Tatback]

my younger brother did this for a few months but he was depressed with his relationship ending....once he sorted out his problems (and probably got tired of me buying things in front of him) he got his act together...