Foster parents(neighbors)...

[JakeW]

I figured this would be a good little place to post my concern that has been going on with one of my neighbors.

Though we don't really socialize much (or at least in the beginning we didn't) there is plenty of tension that I can feel a block away.

Not going to give out too much info as it is confidential; and although this is none of my business, the issue is these neighbors, a nice older couple, take care of foster children. (just 2 and they don't want more) the child they take care of was born prematurely and with low birth weight. the biological parents perhaps took something(who knows)I'm not really going there.

At the age of 4, this girl is still underweight. This worker has visited this family several times already and she is not happy with the results. Not sure the exact details, but the child must gain a certain amount of weight in like a 3 week span( i think), or the social worker will remove the child and place her in another home if demands are not met by a certain deadline. My guess is workers are a bit strict when it comes to preemies? (who knows)

the second issue is, they're in the middle of an adoption procedure but that has now been interrupted with this news.

again, I feel this is none of my business, but I saw one of the neighbors in tears over this when they were getting the mail, and asked what happened. They have done everything possible to make the child gain some weight but I guess whatever they try isn't working. I can sort of understand their dilemma as they've been emotionally attached to the girl as if it were their own as they had her for several months now.

Any of you foster parents? or take care of children with special needs? What can be done about this? I'm curious.

 

[TabascoNatalie]

I think they should collect all possible medical advice and collect all paper evidence on that. I know social workers can be real pain, but they get all the blame if they saw a problem and took no action. (Recent case of a child been starved to death in UK)

 

[LvMyLaxKid]

I think they should collect all possible medical advice and collect all paper evidence on that. I know social workers can be real pain, but they get all the blame if they saw a problem and took no action. (Recent case of a child been starved to death in UK)

I agree. Maybe get doctor's notes, and what they have to say about it. Document everything they have done as far as meals, what she eats, etc. Keep a journal of all of her meals, and what they've tried.

 

[Xero]

Not much you can do personally aside from possibly give advice, if you are comfortable doing that. If you are, tell them to take the little girl to the doctor for testing. See if there is any underlying medical reason that she isn't thriving properly. There are actually genetic/metabolic/health problems that can cause difficulty with growth and gaining weight (such as Celiac disease). It can be very hard to figure out the problem, though. And sometimes there isn't a problem, sometimes kids are just little. If that is the case, it could still possibly be helpful to go to the doctor and get a note or something of the sort saying that this is normal, she is healthy although little, and it's okay not to gain X amount of weight in X amount of time at this age even if she is being fed properly? Some social worker can't just override the word of a doctor, or if anything it certainly will make the parents look better in any legal situation.

This actually really bothers me, because I am dealing with the same problem with my own son right now (the 6 year old). He is currently 7th percentile for weight and 3rd percentile for height. It used to be that he barely ate no matter what we tried, but would drink plenty of milk and fruit/veggie juices etc so that helped some. Now, he eats much better, I would even say that most times he eats a lot, but he still can't seem to gain any weight. Currently I'm looking into any possible medical problems myself. I will let you know if I find anything out, but so far I really don't know.

It is kind of unfair to expect them to make a child that age gain weight. They gain very slowly by that age, it's not like when they were babies and gaining X amount of pounds per week/month lol. Plus every kid is just so, so different. Just out of curiosity, how does she look to you? Does she look abnormally small or skinny to you? Is her physical appearance actually concerning when you look at her, or does she just look like she is little like some kids can be? Is she otherwise clean and well cared for?

 

[JakeW]

I do wish I could help further, but I have my own issues I have to deal with, (a separation from my wife that I want to go nice and smoothly ie)

But seeing this is a tad depressing, cause I can understand what will happen if they lose her. I'm always seeing them unload groceries from the car, so I know they're at least trying in that department. As far as doctor visits, from the bit of info I gathered, they have. Even a prescription of steroids or growth hormones(?)(not sure what kind) to increase muscle mass.

to Xero:

Mine is a monster compared to her, but she looks fine too me.
I mean I really haven't examined her up close, (no need to) but I've seen her running around and acting like any normal child does that age. So I'm assuming she's healthy and mentally stable..Just a bit small. I'll tell them about the doctor notes, and any documentations they might have. Great idea really. I'll keep you updated if anything changes.

 

[JakeW]

Well, some bad news to report.
Unfortunately the child has been temporarily removed from the home and place into a specialized group home called (cannot remember but it starts with a P)

The social worker made the dumb decision earlier in the week to remove the girl from the home even though my neighbors did everything possible. This was actually inevitable and already in process unless the girl miraculously gained weight.

The only error that I know of, was the refusal to give the child human growth hormones because they feared it would lead to some serious side effects. And because they didn't follow through on numerous occasions the child has been removed. This I'm kinda 50%/50% on because they were obligated to and never did.

A hearing has been placed for Friday Nov 15th which the defendants (my neighbors) will provide adequate proof that the child was being cared for to the best of their abilities using medical records, and additional documentation to help their case. By the way, the child is a little on the small side but not severely underweight, malnourished or anything.I hope everything goes well for them.

 

[akmom]

I'm sure the social workers handling her case have more knowledge of the circumstances and feel this was warranted.

 

[cybele]

Yeah, there really has to be more to the story that you don't know.

 

[Xero]

Yikes, hopefully social services doesn't get ahold of me and my 6 year old boy who is only 42" tall and weighs 38lbs no matter what I do. He has weighed the same for months no matter how much he eats. I would never give my child growth hormones - that's awful.

Hard to say akmom, sometimes their expectations can be very unreasonable.

 

[JakeW]

I think you're pretty safe Xero. Plus they're your children from your own blood unless you were joking here. The main reason the child was removed from the home was "insubordination" according to the report. it's possible their may be more to the story that I don't know of, but these social workers can be brutal and heartless, and to them everything is black and white. Again you're fine. Because they are dealing with a premature child, the circumstances are different and under close supervision and everything gets magnified.

All and all though, this stings a little even though we have nothing to do with what happened.

 

[singledad]

I dunno. I'm 50/50 on this. It is very possible that there is more to the story than you know - you can never really know what happens after other people close their front door. On the other hand, many social workers are just into ticking boxes, doing exactly what the law requires, without ever actually thinking about what is best for the child. My immediate reaction is that at least they don't have on of those social workers who simply can't be bothered to do their jobs, but thinking about it, there are no guarantees that over-zealous box-ticking is necessarily better. Either way, the child looses.

All I can say is that I hope the result of the hearing is in the best interest of the child... It just breaks my heart to hear stories like this

 

[Xero]

I think you're pretty safe Xero. Plus they're your children from your own blood unless you were joking here. The main reason the child was removed from the home was "insubordination" according to the report. it's possible their may be more to the story that I don't know of, but these social workers can be brutal and heartless, and to them everything is black and white. Again you're fine. Because they are dealing with a premature child, the circumstances are different and under close supervision and everything gets magnified.

All and all though, this stings a little even though we have nothing to do with what happened.

I was being sarcastic. Just making a point that they are being unreasonable. I know how the system works, I was a foster child myself and part of a foster home for around 8 years. I have seen things like this happen myself. Yes, there definitely could be more to the story, and there could me more reasoning to the child being taken. You have only heard one side of the story. However, all I'm saying is that I wouldn't be surprised if there was nothing else to the story.

 

[pwsowner]

I just hope that in the end, they make the right decision for the child.