Getting 3 year old to pick up toys & books?...

[Momnonymous]

My 3 year old step son use to be at my husband's grandparents' house during the week, but now that I am staying at home he's here most of the time. The grandparents totally baby him and don't make him do anything, but I making him do things... Such as not using bottles, feeding himself, going to the potty, etc. But one thing he will not do is pick up the toys and books.

My 2 year old daughter will take out a few toys at a time, or 1 book at a time, and when she is done put them away. So if I clean up while the 3 year old is over at the grandparents' (he spends a night or 2 occasionally) it will stay clean. But as soon as the 3 year old comes home, within 5 minutes the house is trashed. He dumps out the toyboxes completely on the floor, spreads them all over the house, throws all the books on the floor, and refuses to pick them up. It drives me insane.

I read a suggestion to say I was going to throw away anything left on the floor and pretend to do so, then give 1 back each time they DID clean up. That worked yesterday. He kept things clean. But today he said "Fine, throw them away. I don't want toys." and went right back to making messes. So what do I do now?

 

[Dadu2004]

Well I would definately have a conversation with the grandparents, as they're not making things any easier for you. The best thing at that age is consistancy across the board.

As far as at your house, I would suggest that you allow him a max of 2 toys at any given time. When he's done with those, he MUST put them away properly before getting another 2 toys. If he breaks the rules, there's a punishment...time out or whatever it is that you do for punishment.

 

[TabascoNatalie]

did you try making it fun picking up toys? driving all cars to their garages so they are safe, taking dolls and animals to their homes so they don't cry left alone at night.
thing that perfectly worked for me, was an invitation to play car racing or airport. space is necessery so anything that doesn't belong on a racetrack or an airfield should be removed.

 

[IADad]

hmmm, I don't think I would have pulled out the "I'm going to throw things away..."bit unless you were prepared to actually throw them away (or at least as far as he knows....;-) It seems aparent that he's accustomed to somebody making idle threats and not following through. Seems like you have to start breaking that cycle. Try changin it up a little, try natalie's fun idea and it doesn't have to bbe a big confrontation with your frustration showing, you're the mom, stay cool and just stay in control, it's not "will you please pick up this" it's (IMO) Now we're going to come pick up these things, and you can help, to show that everybody in the family pitches in with chores, but I agree with Dadu, if a rule is set and broken then consistent punishment needs to be part of the answer. Sounds like the kid needs consistent expectation and consistent ramafications.

 

[fallon]

did you try making it fun picking up toys? driving all cars to their garages so they are safe, taking dolls and animals to their homes so they don't cry left alone at night.
thing that perfectly worked for me, was an invitation to play car racing or airport. space is necessery so anything that doesn't belong on a racetrack or an airfield should be removed.

I like this idea

 

[Trina]

This is not unusual 3 yr. old behavior. I wouldn't throw away toys, but have stuffed them into large trash bags and made them disappear for awhile.

I also agree with making pick up time fun. Pick a "Clean Up" song and have everyone chip in while singing the song.

 

[TabascoNatalie]

i would also suggest having shelves instead of boxes for keeping toys. boxes make mess. and it's a pain to find something what you need. no wonder that the kid is dumping it on the floor.

 

[Momnonymous]

but have stuffed them into large trash bags and made them disappear for awhile.

Yeah, that's what I did. Put them in trash bags and set them with the trash, but put them in a room they're not allowed to go in when they weren't paying attention.

Making it fun and helping doesn't work. What we have is shelves with a bunch of small, multi-colored boxes, so there's only a few toys in each box and it isn't hard to find things. So yesterday I attempted to make it fun, and the 2 year old was putting things away, but the 3 year old kept yelling at her that she was putting things in the wrong color boxes, and taking everything she put away back out. :arghh:

 

[fallon]

how did you handle that behavior? he should be old enough to understand if you explain to him that his behavoir was not acceptable and that it's OK if she puts things in the wrong color box as long as they're put away and he is not to take them back out. Sounds like you're going to have a fight on your hands reteaching him but if you're patient and constant with him it should pay off in the end. for now though I would suggest only allowing him a toy or 2 out at time and watch him close...make sure to tell him he is to put the current toy away before he takes anything else out. If he doesn't listen, I would pick up all the toys and issue a 3 minute timeout

 

[Xero]

My boy would be in timeout until he figured it out.

 

[fallon]

exactly, he needs to be taught what's right and how to handle himself...that kind of thing doesn't come natural to all kids but with a some work he will figure it out

 

[VowDrowDary]

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[bssage]

We have had some sucess with the trash bag thing. This is what we do.

" If you dont want to pick you things up we will do it for you. Then we take everything and put in trash bags in my office in the basement. Then we will let him earn some of them back. a few toys at a time.

Be patient and stick to your guns. DS had a lot of his stuff back within three months. After that since he was able to choose what he earned back an executive decision was made to put the rest in the yard sale.

He is still a slob but when it is time to clean he wants to do it himself (no garbage bags) and wont put up a fight to do it. But It Does take time and you have to do what you say.

Now I have also done things to help him learn how to clean. Sort into like piles, clean surfaces and carpet, and store items. And have also shown him how to make it more like play and less like work. Music, shooting baskets with durable toys ect.

My DW and I are both slobs (apple doesnt fall from the tree) But I make an effort to have him around when I clean. I dont want him to think its his moms job and I want him to understand that if you stay on top of it you only need to interupt the fun for a little while and not the whole day.

Just some things that have fairly effective for me.

 

[meow_173]

i try to make it like a game with luke. it usually works