Hello from Canada, happy to join you...

[parentastic]

Hello Everyone,

I have been posting for a few weeks now here on this great forum, so I thought it was time to give you a bit of information about who I am, and say hello from here (Canada, Montreal!) :jiggy:

I am a 38 years old man currently studying in a Master degree in Human System Intervention. I am also a family life educator, and a certified instructor for the "Parent Effectiveness Training" (P.E.T.) from Dr. Thomas Gordon, for those of you who might have seen these books in your favorite bookstore. I have designed a special parenting workshop based on attachment parenting and Dr. Siegel's neurbiological findings, and I have had a lot of success with many parents with this workshop. I also maintain a non-profit, non-commercial parenting portal where I try to gather and record developmental and parenting information.

I do this because child-care is a passion for me, but also as a way to impact on the society as a whole, do my part by changing people's paradigm toward win-win solutions and mutual respect.

I have had quite abit of experience with children myself, both as a step parents several years ago, and more recently as I have an adorable nephew nearly 3 years old that I help raise with my brother, as he is a single parent. My partner is older than I am, nearly 42, and we are now thinking about babies, although we are wondering about the impact of having children late in life like that. (sounds like it's not that late or uncommon after all!).

I have been posting here mostly because I want to help, and so I am willing to offer some of the knowledge I have acquired by helping parents in the past years in my workshops and through family counseling. But of course, I don't have all the answers and I think the experience and life-stories shared on these forums are invaluables and fantastic. You guys are amazing!! :notworthy:

I hope you will welcome me here and thank you in afvance for your kind words

Nicolas

 

[IADad]

Nicolas - thanks for posting. You've been very giving of your thoughts. It's great having you here. Thanks for contributing.

 

[jessicams]

I've head that phrase a lot recently- "attachment parenting" -could you briefly describe what it is?

 

[Trina]

WELCOME to the board, Nicolas! Glad to see another Canadian. I'm originally from Ontario, eh!

 

[parentastic]

Thank you Trina! Thank you IADad!

I've head that phrase a lot recently- "attachment parenting" -could you briefly describe what it is?

Yes, of course!
"Attachment" is the term that was initially created by Bowlby in the 1970s to describe the special "link" that connects a child to his parent. Bowlby discovered that there are several kinds of attachments, depending on the kind of behavior the parent regularly has with their child.
Children may display "secure" attachment, or insecure attachment. Insecure attachment fall into several categories, again - depending on a parent's regular behavior with the child.

The kind of attachment a child develops throughout infancy and childhood with his parents has profound impact on all of his life, even as an adult, as it defines how he will see relationships all his life with his own family as an adult.

This being said, "attachment parenting" is a type of parenting that takes into account the quality of the connection a child has with his parents. Knowing the kind of behavior that triggers insecure or secure attachment over time, attachment parenting aims at increasing the quality of the attachment and shifting it as much as possible toward a secure attachment. It's a difficult path, sometimes, because it means taking parenting decisions, as much as possible, based on long term results rather than short term immediate outcome.
Note that this is not a "laissez-faire" jelly-fish parenting style, it has nothing to do with it (people sometimes mistaken one for the other).

When Sears, a child rearing specialist in the 1970s, first came with the term "attachment parenting", he was using Bowlby,s findings and applied it at infancy and toddler's parenting. This is why still today, a lot of places that promote "attachment parenting" are mainly talking about toddler and baby issues, such as co-sleeping, using kangoroos to keep the baby close to skin at all time, etc.

However, today, we have made giant steps forward with our knowledge of how attachment works. With the help of the new MRI technology (brain scans live while people are thinking), we now know a lot more about attachment and neuro-science. From there a new set of principles and parenting behaviors are now taught by people like me and they apply for the whole parenting years, from birth to adulthood, to favor individuals who are secure in their relationship, both self-confident and critical thinkers, open to empathy and respect, but also able to act in a way that promotes this respect for themselves.
These are also starting to be taught to child care professionals around day-care, etc. It involves not only nurturing the relationship, but also using reparation and empowerment instead of punishment and threats, using trust and influence instead of force and control, develop listening skills allowing the parent to truly know what is going on with the child, and developing diagnosis abilities allowing parents to address deeper root cause issues, instead of focusing exclusively on a child behavior.


If you have more questions, don't hesitate

Nicolas, Family Life Educator