Help! Am I doing this wrong...

[big poppa]

My 14 month, almost 15 month old daughter has been smacking and trying to hit me when I correct her, take something away, or try and do something she doesn't like. I think that she has learned this from me. When she is doing something that I have told her no numerous times or something that is dangerous, somethimes I have given her a little pop on the hand. I dont know if this is just a phase or if I am doing this wrong. What should I do?
Please Help!
How do I correct my daughter and rase a sweet child?

 

[evilbrent]

You're doing it wrong.

When you give her a pop on the hand you teach her that the way to show extreme disapproval is to strike.

The way to correct your daughter is to correct her. Use respectful language. ALWAYS respect her body, and don't hit it.

The way to raise a sweet child is to be sweet to the child. Sweetness comes from security.

 

[Kim]

I agree with evilbrent.

 

[evilbrent]

look at

http://www.awareparenting.com/twenty.htm

http://www.naturalchild.org/naomi_aldort/manners.html

and heaps of other articles at http://www.naturalchild.org/articles/

 

[musicmom]

My children are all sweet and on rare occasion they've had a pop on their hands, depending on what they were touching (light socket or something that could endanger them)

 

[FooserX]

Obviously your kid is learning to hit from you...so yes, if you want her to stop, you need to stop.

I'm with Evil - mutual respect is the way to go. No need to hit or pop.

 

[Kaytee]

I'm with the stop smacking crowd here!

 

[BethInAK]

I'm reposting a post I made in the spanking thread:
<--begin post
Hand smacking - for me it just felt wrong - trying to teach my child not to hit by hitting him. Didn't work for me- felt hypocritical.

However, in this last round of hitting (this is our third time extinguishing hitting and he's 2 1/2) I was at my wits end and tried it. And it worked!! For a single DAY. And then he'd just hit me back. My heart sunk - I didnt' know what to do - do I smack his hand harder?

And thats when I realized that my instincts about hitting are right for my child. I cant' hit him, because I'm teaching him hitting is wrong.
--> end post

IMO you'll need to find an alternative method to discipline your child. At that age I suggest you grab the little hand, hold it tightly, and look into the tantrumy eyes and say "NO HITTING"

It could be a long road but she will stop eventually.

 

[Elizabeth]

I like what Evilbrent says and the links, specially Aldort's article. Read also other Aldort articles on her site Authenticparent.com, and her book.

The idea I get again and again is that children don't learn from what you say to them, but from the way you treat them. It sounds to me also like you control her too much. Not only she shouldn't be smacked, but don't limit her too much. If what she does is harmless, respect her.

 

[big poppa]

I respect the fact that I am not always right. I thank you for your comments and everyone has already answered what I already knew in my heart. But as to your comment on the fact that you think I control her too much, I think you are wrong and that that is a loaded response. I took great offense to that. I spend so much quality time with my child. I help educate her and love her to the fullist. I want her to grow and be a indepentdent woman as well as a productive member of society. I am an educator of young children. Everyday I see parents who are not involved with their children. They couldn't even tell you what their child's interests are. I teach 5 year olds and I love children. I think it is very important for children to be who they are and explore their environments. Children learn by doing. I respect my daughter to the fullest and I thank god everyday that he has blessed me with such a beautiful little angel. I only ask that you don't make judgements on people you do not know in the future.

 

[Kaytee]

I htink you wouldn't have come here looking for "what you already knew" if you were not a good father. I think its just time to find another method to get her to listen to you when you say no.

 

[big poppa]

I was just refering to ELIZABETH'S reply

 

[evilbrent]

Big poppa - slow down. It was just a single little sentence, with the first 4 words being "It sounds to me".

your whole post was about how to 'correct' your daughter.

first: examine yourself, that's all elizabeth is saying.

 

[AnKsMommy]

Yup, I think she's picking it up from you. Kids are copy cats...the more they see a parent do it the more they think it's the right thing to do.

What I try is getting down to eye level with my daughter and talking to her about what she did and why it's wrong. If she throws a fuss she has to sit down till she calms down. Kind of like "time out" but we call it "cool down time."

 

[salim_arjumand]

I agree with them too. Please don't smack her.

 

[yulia]

You're doing it wrong.

When you give her a pop on the hand you teach her that the way to show extreme disapproval is to strike.

The way to correct your daughter is to correct her. Use respectful language. ALWAYS respect her body, and don't hit it.

The way to raise a sweet child is to be sweet to the child. Sweetness comes from security.

what a great answer!

 

[kristakmj]

none of my kids hit me and i have spanked all of them , i would smack her hand not til it bleeds but enough that it stings , then off to the corner ( her age for 2 minutes ) . my kids are all sweet, doing well in school and 9 out of 10 times act appropriate when they are at someones elses house.

spanking or smacking whatever you want to call it does not teach a child to hit IMO

 

[meow_173]

My 14 month, almost 15 month old daughter has been smacking and trying to hit me when I correct her, take something away, or try and do something she doesn't like. I think that she has learned this from me. When she is doing something that I have told her no numerous times or something that is dangerous, somethimes I have given her a little pop on the hand. I dont know if this is just a phase or if I am doing this wrong. What should I do?
Please Help!
How do I correct my daughter and rase a sweet child?

This is the thing. And i'm sure everyone would agree. If she's hitting you, how is it correcting it if you hit her back? You need to be firm. My 20 month old has just gone through this phase and you need to nip it in the but before it becomes habbit for them. Whenever he hit he went and sat in his "chair" for 2 min max (kids don't have any perception of time, so 2 min could feel like a lifetime) once 2 min were up i would explain to him that we don't hit in this house. However, if he hit again (which he usually did within the next ten minutes) its back to the chair.
Hope any of this helps.

 

[parentinzen]

I think two things, one you have probably taught her a little, and two a lot of kids go through this phase anyway. We never took a swat at our little one, and she decided to swat at us too. After months and months of trying to get her to stop hitting we found something that worked. It takes two people, and to say the least it is sort of hard not to laugh during the process, but if you can do it you will stop the hitting.
My daughter would pretty much just hit me. So when she did my husband would come rushing over to me and act like I was really hurt and say "Oh Mommy, are you okay. I know that hurt." We would do that and she would just look at us funny like she was trying to figure it all out. It only took a few of those for her to realize that it in fact does hurt when you hit people, and she stopped. The key to doing this is to give no attention to the child after the hit, only focus on who was hit and "make sure they are okay."

Hope that helps

-Amy
http://www.parentingzen.com