Help!! Frustrated Mommy!!!!!...

[button611]

Hi!
First of all, I am new here and I am looking forward to meeting and talking with you all. I am here with a question that has become the main reason I am soo frustrated. My husband and I have an 8 mos. old daughter who is such an angel-untill she is with my husband. First off he is a wonderful father-he cares very much for Bailey, but ever since she has been born she prefers to be with me rather than him. I know babies are more closely bonded with their moms, but this is getting ridiculous. I cannot even pass her off to him without Bailey going balistic nowadays. Has anyone else had this experience and if so what did you do to solve the problem. My husband is equally frustrated because he feels as though she hates him. I have tried to let the two of them work it out but she would scream all day then if left to figure it out. I try not to coddle her, but it has gotten out of control and I am not sure how to fix it. Please help me, I just want our house to be a calm environment and for everyone to get along. Thanks for your help!

 

[FooserX]

I cannot even pass her off to him without Bailey going balistic nowadays. Has anyone else had this experience and if so what did you do to solve the problem. My husband is equally frustrated because he feels as though she hates him. I have tried to let the two of them work it out but she would scream all day then if left to figure it out. I try not to coddle her, but it has gotten out of control and I am not sure how to fix it. Please help me, I just want our house to be a calm environment and for everyone to get along. Thanks for your help!

Omg, this is exactly the same thing that happens to Lissa when I talk to anyone else!

I'm curious about answers too.

 

[Lissa]

:rollseyes:

 

[Lissa]

It's just a phase. Oliver went through it. He would cry for me when his dad held him. He wanted me all the time because I was with him all the time. Eventually he grew out of it.

 

[button611]

if it is just a phase then how long does it last, because we are at wits end and it seems as though this "phase" started from day 1. I am not sure we will make it through this "phase"!!!!:arghh:

 

[Lissa]

How often is your husband around your child?

 

[button611]

every night for a few hours before bed and all weekend long-its not like he is never around. And I know it is not a fear of men thing since she was giggling with my dad this morning and does great with him. And I am pretty sure it is not a stranger thing either, although she does get upset around new people slightly. What did you do to help the situation with your son?

 

[FooserX]

Out of curiosity...are you in the room when he takes her?

Like...maybe she sees you there, or knows if she crys hard enough, you'll take her back. Once you take her back, then she knows she'll get what she wants as long as she keeps screaming.

Just a thought!

 

[Lissa]

What did you do to help the situation with your son?

My husband was gone 16 hour days and only home on the weekends. He was with me all the time and that's why he was and still is attached to me. He hasn't grown out of it completely. He will cry when I leave but not cry when his dad leaves. That makes me feel pretty special but at the same time I feel your pain. Trust me, it's just a phase. Just make sure she gets plenty of dad time. Right now she's age the age where she doesn't want you out of her sight.

 

[button611]

we live in a townhome which is pretty big but for the most part we are usually in the same room-as long as she knows I am nearby she will scream unitll I come to the rescue or try and push away from him and lean towards me-I have tried my best not to encourage this behavior but am tired of listening to her scream for hours. If left alone the two of them can work things out for a while, but then she is so worn out from screaming she just falls asleep. He has never beaten her or abused her in any way so I don't understand this behavior out of her.

 

[FooserX]

Why not just take time to yourself, and leave the dad there to bond with her?

Eventually, she would have so stop crying, no? Eventually she would get used to it?

I'm no expert...just seems like conditional learning.

 

[Lissa]

I remember that stage so clearly. It drove me absolutely nuts. I couldn't do anything. Oliver wanted me near him 24/7. You just have to keep telling yourself that it's a phase she'll grow out of. She trusts you because she is with you more. I read somewhere that children this age think that if something is out of their sight, it's gone for good. In other words, when you leave the room, she thinks you're never coming back. It's survival for them. She is 100% depend on you. That's a lot to carry, but it will get better. One day you'll have a toddler who gives you a hug and kiss once in awhile. Then you'll miss the clinginess.

 

[button611]

well I am relieved to know that I am not the only one who goes through this, and yes it is nice to know that she relies on me that much that it becomes a tragic event when I leave the room but at the same time it does not get much done. Did your husband (?) do anything different to make things easier on your son??

 

[button611]

So I went ahead and called my pediatrician to see if they have any recommendations as to what to do next to get us through this, if there is something I can do to help Bailey understand that daddy is ok or if I need to do something with my husband to help him deal with her screaming in his face. I will let you all know what they tell me when the nurse calls back. Thanks for all your help so far.

 

[Lissa]

Did your husband (?) do anything different to make things easier on your son??

Not really. He gets Mondays alone with him and I think that help(s)(ed) quite a bit.

Good luck!!

 

[button611]

I talked with the doctors office and they said same thing as you that it is a phase and that she will hopefully grow out of it and that I should just encourage her to spend as much time with her dad as possible and try and make sure that it is when she is in her best moods. I am not sure if that will work since she turns into a bad mood as soon as he is around her. Was there anything in particular that your son/husband enjoyed doing together that may help us? Reading, playing with a certain toy, singning etc????

 

[leland]

Luckyly for me it was the opposite.. In fact, my presence always made them stop crying.. Its funny cause my wife was always so jealous.. babys first words were me, first steps she took were to me, when i walked in the dinning room and my wife was feeding our newest baby who is 13 months, she wouldnt eat for my wife, she wanted daddy to feed her. Guess im lucky like that.

 

[button611]

yes you are very lucky!!! If only Bailey would learn to appreciate her daddy more and be more like your kids. All of our friends kids are the same way as yours and I think that is what was making it more frustrating that ours seems to hate him. Is there anything as a dad that you could suggest to my husband to help him, a trick or something that would make it easier for them to get along?

 

[SuperMario]

Yeah pretty much whoever takes care of them the most will cling to them. They will leave this phase and then there is the phase they prefer the opposite sex parent more. But it really is different for each kid. Do not worry though she will grow out of it.

 

[1dayatatime]

Some thoughts....does dad smell alot different from you? For us my husband smokes. My husband has a stubbly face. For an infant those could be a big deal. My husband and I do totally different things with our boy. When he's tired, sick, hungry, etc he only wants me. If he wants to ruff house and be loud he wants daddy. Havoc has been like that since birth. He does cry when I go out of the room but not when dad does. Luckily it doesn't take much to distract him. Good luck to you.