I am a 45 year old mom of 3, kids. 14, 10 and 8. I work full time and and have been married for 16 years. I have had no help with the kids besides my husband as my family is not the caring type and his family is not too close to us. I struggle a lot and have to be on antidepressants to keep functioning. Sometimes i cry and have cried in front of my children twice now. 
I get so overwhelmed with things. I get up early to get kids up and make sure they get dressed, i then get dressed and then go out to kitchen to make lunchboxes etc. If there is time i get something for me but that rarely happens. When my husband is not working he will get up and sit down to drink his coffee while i am running around the house. Many times i have asked him for help and his answer is always, "kids can get their lunches by themselves". etc. Today my little girl saw how overwhelmed i was as my eyes get teary while running around like crazy. She asked me if i liked being a mom because it didnt look like i did. She is 10 years old. I almost angrily told her i did but that being a mom is overwhelming and that i break down because i have not had a day for me in 14 years. I really havent. I havnt had a mother in law that would tell me she will watch the kids so me and husband can have something to eat. No one to say that the kids can stay at their home so i can have time to breath. I have a mother in law and a step mother in law. One doesnt want anything to do with my kids as she thinks her husband, my husband dad, favors them etc. My mother in law has told me she could not handle them when they were small and now that they are bigger she will take one at a time for a weekend only but its very sparingly as she is single and enjoys her life and i dont blame her. Thing is i am going crazy. I cry and i have triend my hardest not to do it in front of my kids but i have 2 times already and now my kids are thinking i hate being a mom. I feel guilty all the time if i dont feel like cooking supper, if i dont mop the floors etc. I am so tired. Yesterday i got a gun and went inside my bathtub. Must have stayed there for 20 minutes with the door locked. Didnt do anything because i kept thinking how bad this could affect my kids, how my husband was going to pay bills without my paycheck, how expensive funeral stuff is etc. I dont know what to do someone help me give me advice on how to calm down please. I have tried every antidepressant there is
I get so overwhelmed with things. I get up early to get kids up and make sure they get dressed, i then get dressed and then go out to kitchen to make lunchboxes etc. If there is time i get something for me but that rarely happens. When my husband is not working he will get up and sit down to drink his coffee while i am running around the house. Many times i have asked him for help and his answer is always, "kids can get their lunches by themselves". etc. Today my little girl saw how overwhelmed i was as my eyes get teary while running around like crazy. She asked me if i liked being a mom because it didnt look like i did. She is 10 years old. I almost angrily told her i did but that being a mom is overwhelming and that i break down because i have not had a day for me in 14 years. I really havent. I havnt had a mother in law that would tell me she will watch the kids so me and husband can have something to eat. No one to say that the kids can stay at their home so i can have time to breath. I have a mother in law and a step mother in law. One doesnt want anything to do with my kids as she thinks her husband, my husband dad, favors them etc. My mother in law has told me she could not handle them when they were small and now that they are bigger she will take one at a time for a weekend only but its very sparingly as she is single and enjoys her life and i dont blame her. Thing is i am going crazy. I cry and i have triend my hardest not to do it in front of my kids but i have 2 times already and now my kids are thinking i hate being a mom. I feel guilty all the time if i dont feel like cooking supper, if i dont mop the floors etc. I am so tired. Yesterday i got a gun and went inside my bathtub. Must have stayed there for 20 minutes with the door locked. Didnt do anything because i kept thinking how bad this could affect my kids, how my husband was going to pay bills without my paycheck, how expensive funeral stuff is etc. I dont know what to do someone help me give me advice on how to calm down please. I have tried every antidepressant there is