Hitting...

[Antoinette]

Felix has recently (in the last week or so) started hitting Alegra ALL THE TIME. every time she makes a noise he tries to hit her. i give him a tap on the hand and make him sit and watch to try and stop him and i do it constantly but he just isn't stopping. have any of you had this problem before? how do i stop it?

 

[mom2many]

I find for my kids that the best method is to take their hands and place them at their side and very firmly say "No hitting" then I demonstrate gentle touch, after that I remove them and give them something else to distract themselves.

it doesn't happen over night, as with anything involving a toddler, it takes a little time and a whole lot of patience.



By the way how is your brother and his kids doing?

 

[Xero]

I gotta agree with M2M. Its all about consistancy, patience, and of course repeating yourself lol. I would go with M2M's method if I were you. Also maybe emphasize on the sympathy factor, like "Oh no, you don't want to hit Alegra, that will hurt! You'll make her cry!" or something like "No no, don't hurt sister, that makes mommy very sad". If you can get him to look you in the eyes when you tell him not to hit, or why not to hit, that would be even better. It will take a lot of reminders and a chunk of time before it sinks in with him, probably.

I obviously only have one child, but Eli has occasionally smacked us haha whether it be out of anger or just getting too riled up while playing, and I always stop everything and look him in the eyes and I get a sad look on my face and say "Hey hey, no you don't hit mommy, that's not nice. That hurts! Mommy doesn't hit you."

Another thing I've found to be pretty important is to always say "Ow!". Most kids by a pretty young age know how to relate to "ow". Even if it didn't really hurt, or even if he didn't do it to you, it will help him understand that hitting someone is a bad thing, and that it causes pain etc. All this stuff always seemed to work for me. Eli only ever hits us once in a blue moon and its almost like he just forgot for a second that he wasn't supposed to lol.

On another similar note, my child makes me so proud sometimes. Every now and again, I will yell too quickly or snap at him without thinking (I think it happens to everyone) and I always give him the respect of saying "Mommy's sorry for being mean" etc. I don't mind admitting that I was wrong. Anyway, a while ago every time he would throw a tantrum or yell at me or any of that naughty toddler stuff, he would (and does) come up to me after it was done and say "Mommy, I'm sorry for being mean" and want a hug. Sometimes I seriously think he is like the sweetest kid on the planet. lol

 

[Antoinette]

aww. that's adorable

Eli really does just sound precious.

i think with Felix its just a testing boundaries thing. he is nearly two which is a very boundary testing age for children so i guess i have more of this to look forward to.
i have been trying the hand by the side thing and the emphasis on how he is hurting us rather than just saying 'no" with no explanation and i always ask him to say sorry to Alegra because Alegra doesn't hit him, and mummy doesn't hit him so it makes us sad if he hits us (he doesn't really hit me. only if he gets REALLY angry)

<U>Side note for M2M</U>
and Jordan is doing pretty good. he hasn't been online because he is having some BIG problems with Aimee. she ran away from home for 3 weeks when Jordan took her back to her mothers house. Jordan had to go al the way across the country to help find her. Eventually they did find her shacked up with a 28 year old man who she "loves" and yet the courts still wont give Jordan custody.

 

[mom2many]

Glad to hear that over all Jordan is doing good, but I am a little sad to hear that about Aimee, I guess she is testing boundaries also. Well send him our well wishes, and let him know he is missed.

 

[Antoinette]

I'll tell him to get his butt back on here and explain it all himself lol

 

[IADad]

I think you're on the right path, re0terating the rule that hitting is not allowed, showing him that you have better ways to deal with Alegra crying (therefore nobody needs to hit because a child cries) and get him to tell you when he feels mad, to use his words. This is a good time to start him in that habit, it at least gives him the opportunity to stop and think about his actions. Good Luck.

Sorry to hear about Jordan and Aimee. What is she, like 16? So, this is no doubt the guy she didn't want to tell them about...You know I have a real hard time believing that any 28yo man find his sole mate in a 16yo girl. I mean I could understand an age difference if they were both older (i.e. a 38 yo with a 26 yo)but this is just so wrong.

We have a good friend who is married to a guy who is 14 years older than her, and secretly, quietly, even though they've been together 20 years, she has some regrets, it's kinda sad.

Hope to see Jordy back posting again.

 

[Xero]

Well the reason those types of relationships happen, in my opinion, is because for an older man a teenage girl is new, exciting, and refreshing, definitely stimulating etc not to mention the obvious sexual reasons, not to be too blunt, but I'm sure I don't have to describe the reasons a 28 year old guy might like a 16 year old girl. o__O

And for a 16 year old girl, a 28 year old guy is mature, independent, exciting, obviously has more freedom, and its risky and interesting to be with an older guy. Plus he probably has a car and a place of his own etc. Not to mention the sexual aspect for her too, he's older and more experienced etc. Most young girls would be easily swayed by that type of thing.

Unfortunately, for both parties, those are all the wrong reasons to be together. :/ I think its sad, its just not the way to go.

Sorry for changing the subject lol!!

 

[Antoinette]

haha, no its all good. i completely agree. i feel sorry that Aimee feels that the man she has to spend her life with is 28 what would the situation have to be for a 15 year old to fall in "love" with a 28 year old. she should just wait till she is older before she makes decisions like this that but she isn't my daughter so it isn't really my place to get involved i guess.. i still feel bad for Jordz though

 

[Daddie]

I've witnessed this first hand quite a few times in my life (im 43) I have over 40 cousins, and I'm one of nine. My mother was a saint, who was the sweetest woman I've ever known. BUT, she knew how to do what was necessary to teach a child a lesson. My one brother bit his younger sister, and Mom immediately bit him. Some of us who were present at the time were shocked to say the least. Her answer to our looks of astonishment was: I've been through this before, and there's only one thing to do, and that is to show the child immediately how serious an offense it is to bite your sibling. We could tell it upset her to do it, but she saw it as something that had to be done, no matter how traumatic it was at the time. I never forgot that moment, and my little brother didn't forget either. He never did it again. I believe the same has to happen for the hitting, even though it's less serious, it cannot be tolerated. If he does it in front of you, just imagine what he may try when you're looking away. I've seen that too. Kids can be vicious.
Whatever you do, do it with lots of love and affection, and explain the consequences on their level.
Hope this helps,
Ron

 

[Antoinette]

i don't hit my children so that really isn't an option

 

[JessicaMadison]

Oh the hitting stage. How I'm not excited for that one with the twins!
Well Hunter and Bailey hit like crazy. Lexie didn't have people around the same age to hit so she hit Bailey, Hunter and us. Or when cousins came over.

The thing that I have found to be really effective when they hit is to get down to their eye level, look them in the eyes, hold their hands and say 'hands are NOT for hitting. hands are for hugging and holding!' Then put them in time out for a few minutes. Do that everytime he hits someone and also I like what others have said about saying ow and that hurts me!

Hope I could help!

 

[3sACrowd228]

I have never hit my children in my life. Shouting i think is more effective. It makes you a lot more fierce.

My Kids don`t hit each other , although when my oldest daughter was 4 she had a hitting stage but she eventually stopped.

 

[Antoinette]

yes i want to get through it as quickly as possible because he is so big and Alegra is so small and he does it ALL the time

 

[Xero]

My one brother bit his younger sister, and Mom immediately bit him.

I've never had to do anything like this to keep my child from biting or hitting. I'm sure it would work, but I highly doubt its necessary.

 

[IADad]

I believe the same has to happen for the hitting,

So, you're advocating that she hit her 18 month old son, as a way to show him it's wrong? Doesn't that potentially teach him that hitting is a sactioned method of dealing with situations?

I'm reminded of the old saying, "Fighting for Peace is like..."well, I think you all know the rest, we do have to keep things PG here...I guess, what I'm trying to say is that two wrongs don't make a right.

Whatever you do, do it with lots of love and affection

and I think this is horribly misguided. My understanding is that this kind of behavior (corporal punishment combined with loving embrace/giving of affection, is exactly where things like S&amp;M are born. Kids learn to associate pain and pleasure, and if you keep it up you've entrenched that association in them...sure be compassionate, loving and educational, but maybe you don't need the "example" behavior if your really connecting on their level...consider it.

 

[Jordy]

i am very loving and affectionate to my girls after scolding them.. but i have never laid a hand on any of them and i never will. i will raise my voice if i am particularly frustrated but i don't even like to do that... i totally understand where your coming from nettie.. there are better ways than hitting and showing them that violence is the answer